Be yourself when no one truly knows who you are?

(This is in no way directed at any one person or a group of people, it's kind of a broad thing)

I wasn't really sure what forum to put this in... hopefully general is okay because it's kinda general.

I keep trying to be myself, but then I realize how hard that is online. I mean, I try to imagine a situation that I could occur online in a chat or on a forum, and then I try to imagine it in IRL.

So let's say on MSN or Yahoo or something, people are talking about a general topic.

Online, I'd try to be friendly, and add to the convo- I don't want to be a depressing bother and drag people down.
IRL, I wouldn't talk, I'd sit down and do nothing. If someone asked me why I was quiet, I'd just shrug.

Online, if someone asks me how I am, I have my generic "not great, and yourself" or "same old" reply.
IRL, if I'm not lying and saying I'm fine, I'm ranty and come off as angry when saying I'm not doing well.

Online, I try to be polite.
IRL, different story.

Online, I try to be upbeat when I can.
IRL, I'm either angry and mean, or I'm completely shut off and quiet.

I'm just not sure how I should react to people. I don't like how I act IRL, so I try to act differently online, but then I'm not myself.

And then people think I'm this person I try to be- I just feel like yelling "I'm hurting, I'm not happy, Help me".

Why is it so hard to be yourself

[(JD)]

Maybe your online self is who you really are, and want to be? IRL since you don't have the anonymity, you might feel pressure to be consistent when you might not feel like it, or feel like they will judge you if you do say anything?

Keep using online forums to find assurance and security in who you are here, and want to be, and hopefully with time that will seep into your 3-D life too!

you mean 4-D

[Doh2007]

I think it's easier to be how you'd like to be online because there's a little more time to think about it. In real life, there's a lot more going on. Don't they say that communication IRL is only 10% words? Online it's all words.

[DePressMe]

There are differences between my real life person and my online person. But that does not mean either one of them are inauthentic. I think they are both true and honest representations of me. Circumstances online are much different than they are in real life. It is only natural that I would react/act differently in each setting. Of course, I don't go out of my way to create a imaginary person. I stick with my honest feelings, but how I show those feelings are different online versus real life. I think the "real me" is an integrated mix of the online me and the real life me.

[sujunew]

The biggest difference between me online and me IRL is that I 'talk' more here- IRL most people know next to nothing personal about me- only the superficial stuff. I think that is because here I have anonymity and can open up and not feel so vulnerable (altho I only post about 1/4 of what I write anyway lol). . Try not to over-analyse. Just carry on doing what you are doing- that IS you, and you are just adapting to the situation (IRL or on-line) in your own way (IMO).

[jenn1975]

Okay, How weird am I that I am the opposite! You should see me sitting here making myself type! IRL I am friendly, happy, talkative, but it is all a front 75% of the time. I guess it's harder here because I am alone with myself and being honest.

[nightbird]

Don't worry about it.

There might be an 'audience effect' going on, that's all.

Like, if I used the subway in a city, I'd probably look down, and discourage anyone from trying to converse with me - I have my place to get to and it doesn't not include dealing with strangers, just say.

In situations like a forum, nervousness, insecurity, or adapting to the online experience, and dealing with people you haven't met in person - could play on ones mind in the beginning, plus, we want people to like us too!

So, you say your a little cranky at home and quiet when online...it seems to me that online is your free time...if you want to be quiet and just hang, that's totally cool. I think we can be and do whatever we need or want to for ourselves in our free time - and it's easier to be pleasant when you haven't a history with people, or certain expectations, let alone those obligations that make all of us cranky now and again with those that see us all the time.

I agree with all the posters.

nightbird

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