[SystemAurora]

Long post alert.... just skim down to get an overview if you want.

i have no idea what's "wrong" with me. I've been diagnosed with so many things.... yikes. I know some of them might be comorbid, but some of them just miss the mark! Here's what I've been labeled with so far, and then I have some behaviors that maybe someone can help me with:

DID-- 99.99% sure this is real. I thought I was making it up at first, but I've met some really wonderful "real" multiples and was shocked by how much we had in common, like little things we do to help ourselves (imagery, reparenting, etc.) and problems we encounter. I have between 8 and 13 "personalities", though sometimes it feels like they're real people. I've worked hard at being able to account for where I've been during the day, even if I don't *remember* doing it, I know *what* I did.

Anxiety spectrum disorders: specific phobias (likely), panic attacks (I think... I couldn't breathe, I was crying hysterically, felt numb and tingly, etc.) but it's always over something specific... and usually very small.

Borderline PD: Well, *some* of the symptoms fit-- I'm moody, I don't always interact well with others, I hold others to a higher standard than I hold myself -- but overall I don't feel like I'm that type of person.

Histrionic PD: Again, some symptoms fit, but not all... I'm probably fairly enough labeled an "attention lover", but that might be self-centeredness (and hey, I AM 19)... Also, some of the things I exaggerate (my very real illness that doctors are treating) slightly more than what they are is often to get people to take me seriously-- I get really frustrated with people not thinking my problems are real, so I do make a "bigger deal" out of them sometimes. But the problems really are there. I just don't feel like it explains *everything*, and I'm really uncomfortable with attention in some situations. When people ask me if I'm okay because I'm using a walking aid, I cringe and feel really embarrassed.

OCD: I have many of the symptoms (compulsions, obsessions, anxiety, needing to confess and be reassured, terror of losing control of my impulses and hurting people) but you would never know from my room. I do have an odd sort of neatness though, if you know me well.

Depression: It's always something that causes it, and it usually clears when conditions improve-- it's not "officially" or clinically depression because it doesn't last long enough.
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Can you tell me what disorders these things are from?

I tend to make big deals out of relatively small ones. I've had the hysterical crying and "panic attack"-like feelings of not being able to breathe, dizziness, shaking, nausea, feeling numb and tingly, etc. over small things-- making a C in a class I've worked hard in, teachers treating me "badly" (getting reprimanded is a huge disaster in my book), my therapist not believing that DID is real, etc.

I CRAVE attention, approval, and praise, especially from authority figures like professors and my counselors.

I'm terrified people will think I'm an attention seeker, even if I am one over some things, and I worry that I'm a hypochondriac (lol) even though doctors assure me that my pain and illness are real.

I email my counselors a lot when I'm upset, but it's usually just to vent... because I want to cry about something to someone I know is paid to be on my side, lol. I don't expect them to "save me" or do anything about it-- I just like knowing they won't tell anyone even if I vent to them.

I'm terrified of messing something up and making people reject me. If I do something wrong at work or do badly on the assignment I worry about what the person thinks of me, if they'll be mad at me, etc.

I've been moody and strong-willed since childhood... I feel like I'm missing all sorts of cues socially, like everyone is better socially than I am.

I run away from conflict if it can't be dealt with quickly. I hate being in fights with people, I hate drama, and I would rather just run away (change schools, leave a message board, or stop talking to a "friend") than deal with a long term fight and persistent drama.

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I feel like I just generally cope poorly-- I get anxiety or depression symptoms when I have to deal with stressful situations, I run away and avoid conflict or else have a big blowout over it (usually online/over email), and I think that people criticizing me or disciplining me is rejection and the end of the world. I don't have any major problems other than some mild eating problems (and once I learned healthier ways to lose weight I've tried to improve), a sometimes-sexually-promiscuous alter, and spending a bit more money than I make. Normal college student stuff, right?

Is there a disorder for that sort of thing? lol, maladaptive coping disorder or anything? >_< Anyways, input is HIGHLY appreciated.

[Doh2007]

No one here is qualified to diagnosis you, but what you describe sounds like normal growing up.

[SystemAurora]

Thanks. I know no one can diagnose me, and I'm not asking for that.... just points in the right direction. ^_^ Disorders to investigate on my own.

I think you're right. Aside from the DID (which I'm managing on my own, no thanks to a lack of informed counselors), and some anxiety problems. nothing else is really a big enough of problem to even need therapy. It feels like my therapists are just desperate to label me with *something*, but a lot of the diagnoses don't fit. I have no issues with labels, but I at least want the right one.

I'll chalk the poor coping skills up to anxiety problems and start working on them, and I think all the rest will clear up with time. Or, like the moodiness, might be a natural, biological trait of mine. And I realized some of my symptoms are caused by a chemical imbalance I've just started being treated for, oops!