[inkblot]

There is a local church that invites the homeless (or basically anyone in need) to sort of what I call a social function at their church every Saturday morning until early afternoon. They pick us up in a van and drop us off again when its over. We go for breakfast, socializing, a worship service, and lunch. Those who don't want to attend the service will talk or even sleep during that time.

Anyway, I was in the service but before even going in, a guy who I don't want contact with tried to talk to me. I ignored him. But my PTSD heard him. I did my best to limit any tears, but I know the guy doing the service noticed. To summarize, I *think* that he thinks it was because of tomorrow being Mother's Day and me having had a bad memory of my mom, or maybe something about my kids. He went around the room and asked each of us to tell either a good memory or a bad memory of our mothers, either one and we would pray for those. I shocked him by the look on his face. If there would have been an award for most horrific memory of your mom, I would have taken the grand prize. It got to him--it wasn't what he expected and clearly much worse. To me, it was just a bad memory. I couldn't grade it on a scale, but it was the worst feeling a child could ever have, in my opinion. The stuff with my kids and mother's day, that gets to me too. But the real reason for the tears at church today was that guy--I was doing ok before he showed up. I could tell that the "Pastor" from today talked to someone who volunteered as the van driver about me. I feel like leaving him the "pastor" a voice mail telling him the real reason. I'm sure I still need venting. I know I do. My eyes are a little watery just typing about it. I'm not sure if I should or not, but I probably will. It might be good for him to know anyway that I have problems with this guy and react to him talking to me like that. I hope I'm doing the right thing. By the way, he isn't a real pastor--it's sort of an honorary title. I think he's called a worship leader. His day job is a teacher. He's really nice.

[(JD)]

I think that you made a connection with the minister is a good thing, and yes, telling him more of the story would be good for you too, imo. It would be great if this connection can develop into the outreach dept there to take you under their wing. Good wishes ((((inky)))) Glad you stayed safe.

[inkblot]

Actually, I stayed safe yesterday--but just barely! I came close to something serious happening with yet another guy. What happened was traumatic enough--I didn't need for anything more to happen! That probably added to my problem today. I'm sure it did. I was really starting to get scared at one point yesterday. MG, What am I doing in this life?!?! Now the tears come again.

[MyBestKids2]

((((Inky)))

I'm so glad you pulled through this traumatic moment, you are such a strong person!