Embarrassing... Worrying... Son at the respite

(after the for once rather positive post this am... now this... )

Our son sleeps over at the respite tonight and he called us at 8 pm to say good night like he always does. Then at almost 10.30 he called again. My hubby answered the phone and I could hear something was wrong. He gave me the phone since our son only said to him that he wanted to go back home. So... I began talking to him and at first he totally refused to listen and only wanted us to come and get him back home. I asked him to please tell me what was wrong and if something had happened. He said: "You have to report her!" I asked him:... "report who and why?" Then he told me in a sincere voice that the personnel working with him today had been yelling at him and cursing at him. He also said that she didn't come with him to get him to bed and that he had to go to bed on his own.

As a parent who's used to your son being very honest... you get really worried and wonder what on Earth is going on....???? I asked him if he was telling me the truth.

So I asked my son to go get the person he was talking about to hear her version. She did not confirm my son's version at all. But I still had to ask her uncomfortable questions... NOT EASY!
She told me how he'd pointed his finger at her and said: "F.ck you"! She had told him not to and explained that it wasn't ok to use that frase. An other kid sitting by the kitchen table had been cursing as well... so my son started to question why he was allowed to swear but he wasn't. Of course the personnel told him how he wasn't allowed to curse either. After that my son just wouldn't go to bed.

Then I got my son back on the phone and said to him: "For us to trust you in the future you need to always be honest with us otherwise we will not be able to help you the times something really is going on. I will not get angry with you if you've lied to me... but I need to know because otherwise [this personnel] could get in deep trouble. I also told him that we can't help him unless he tells us what really is wrong and making him anxious.
He still said she'd cursed at him and yelled at him... then he laughed... then I really knew he wasn't telling the truth. If I only had been able to look him in the eyes I would have been able to tell that he was lying much faster.
I asked him what made him lie... He answered that he didn't want to be at the respite all summer and that it was going to be so boring. He wanted to be home with us.

I talked the personnel again and said I was so sorry this happened and that this is something really new in his behaviour. Itold her how I had to ask for both versions and she said she understood. Luckily she's got a son herself with Asperger so she knows about it first hand. I felt so stupid though! I asked her to write a bit to my son about the summer's events a the respite to let him know about the fun stuff that's going to happen. I also asked her to use pictures of his own face smiling and pictures of items connected to the activities to calm his worrying mind down. She said she will.
I will do the same at home... write a story about our family activities.

I talked to my son again and told him he'll be home with us too during the summer and do fun stuff like go swimming... visit a zoo and such things. He will also go there a bit later than he usually goes to school in the morning so he'll have calm relaxed mornings together with - mom, dad and his sister. I told him how much I love him and for him to try to go sleep. He was in a better frame of mind when the call ended.

This was a nightmare! I was totally exhausted after this phone call.
I feel so for my son in this... knowing how much the school structure means to him and all of that disappearing during the summer causing him huge anxiety and worry. He tried to get away what was scaring him so much... the unknown. It's not right to lie and he knows that... but really couldn't find it in himself to put his worries into words.

When it comes to the poor girl working with him today... I really feel for her. She said she's burning for her work with these kids so she was ok... but even so.

((((((((((((( daynnight )))))))))))))))
It sounds like you had a hard day.

((((Nina and family)))

Always always keeping you in my heart and thoughts

Dee

Oh man, that must've been quite frustrating!

You did the right thing by getting both sides of the story and sorting the situation out.

Remember that tomorrow is another day!

((((((((((((((((( nina & son )))))))))))))))))))))))

From what I can see hon, you did exactly the right thing! What he did is not unusual for many kids who want to be heard but don't know how to go about it properly. They certainly don't think of the consequences of their words and actions and how it affects other people.

I can well imagine how your heart dropped when he told you his story. We all want to believe in what our children tell us. You did the right thing in getting the other side of the story. Perfect parenting!!!

I hope your son has learned his lesson (don't count on it being 100% learned...he's a kid...kids try things often LOL). You did awesome!


sabby

Even though it was hard, it's so great that things got resolved. This was a great learning experience for your son. Now he knows that he can trust the people where he is and that you are still available.

Nina, what your wonderful son did was sooooooo very near normal, these special young ppl need to express themselves and he did it in his own way, the personal worker truly understands , don't be so hard on yourself
Angie

Thank you all for your empathy! I had to vent and I'm glad I did... to such caring gentle friends.

Hi Nina.......so sorry you had to go through this ordeal....xx