[Himali]

Hi,

this looks like a friendly ,kind board... I feel nervous about posting and introducing but here goes..

I'v having troubles with depression and have had an eating disorder, whew, 'fessing up to this is hard...

at the point now were i realise its up to me to get well. I'm female, 35 years old.

had my first depressive incident when i was eight , started messing round with food at 10. Had major crash 'n burn when 16, then really messed up with food in my early 20's (starvation) and had incidences of self harm(not suciadal tho. ). I'v kinda coasted along since late 20's till 3 years ago, when it all went horrible. I'v known for many years that I get seasonal depression (as does my Dad) 3 years ago it was really bad and i just can't shake it off.
I had prozac, which gave me a respite, but found it numbed me too much (and good bye sex drive,)so now have st johns and 5htp, this keeps me from sliding, and i can (with a serious amount of focus) keep my s**t together. just.

complicating all this I smoke, and I think I have an addiction to painkillers, which have an opiate in them and are easy to buy in phamacies. I started taking them to relieve headaches and general aches and pains, and am afraid its getting out of hand.

I have a great therapist, this does help greatly. I have also been having sunbeds, this has been helping too.

Well, thanks for listening, its reasuring to read the board, don't feel so alone with this.

Himali

[Nanna]

Good morning,
I'm new here as well, and feeling ridiculously nervous!!

[Himali]

oh goody, a reply!

I guess I feel nervous because I'v addmitted that I'v mental illness. it was always somthing that was never discussed in my family , (even tho my Dads a SADD sufferer, and has had major episodes of deep depression. ) it's always been covered up - I'v aways had deep feelings of shame for being this way.

[bptoo]

Himali & Nanna,

Welcome to the forums! I'm glad you both found us! This is one of the most warm and friendly places you could hope to find. So many great and wonderful people here. I hope you'll find the love and support you're looking for. Just jump in and ask anything you like. If you have any questions on how the board works, you can ask me or any of the moderators.

We're very glad to have you as part of our family!!

Greg

[Nanna]

I know what you mean!! I used to be afraid to reach middle age, because it seemed all my family, aunts uncles etc, went into deep depression in middle age!
It happened to me at the age of 51, oh no, I was going like the rest of the family! I've fought antidepressants, counselling, and any kind of help, because I was determined to beat this thing. I Have been on antidepressants now for about a year, after trying to kill myself, and am quite resigned that there must just be an inbalance of the chemical needed in my brain, due to family genes history. I too had deep shameful feelings, but I thought that came from all the abuse as a child. Now I know that if I was a diabetic, I would have to take insulin for the rest of my life, but because my brain lacks something I am not producing, I need 'insulin for my brain'

[NicoleB]

Welcome Himali and Nanna!! Glad you found us. There are a lot of great people here. I hope you find as much support here as I have. Anyway, just wanted to say hi and welcome.
Nicole

[silver_queen]

I really like your screen name, Himali. Welcome to the forums!

The same for you too, Nanna (except for the screen name part, lol). I see you're from Crawley in England. Where is that? I live in Manchester.

[angel04]

Welcome to both of you. I hope you find everything you need here.

[Rapunzel]

Nice to meet you, Himali,

Your life sounds so much like mine! My problems with depression started around age 6-9. I had issues with self-injury starting at 6, and food issues off and on probably from about 12 (although I don't think I have ever had a diagnosable eating disorder). Depressive episodes at ages 9, 12-13, 17, 18, 19, 25, and through the first half of my 30's. (It's hard to admit to having 30's, since I never did plan on living that long, but I'm the same age as you - I just started using + symbols instead of numbers past 29).

I discovered SJW in 2003, and it works for me too, pretty much. Was always afraid to try the prescription stuff because I didn't know what that would do to me. Oh, and also light therapy but I'm only averaging 2-3 days per week that I actually use my light.

My parents could never accept that there were mental health issues in the family either, but my issues are nothing in comparison to my brother, and it turns out that at least four out of six of my siblings have anxiety and depression, one of the two remaining being different as she has Down Syndrome. But my parents denied that I had any problems, and therefore denied any treatment, so I didn't have a chance to start working on it until after I left home. It took several tries over quite a few years to find a therapist who was effective with me, or maybe I didn't know how to benefit from therapy before.

Anyway, it's amazing how much we have in common, isn't it? I hope you find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

Rap

[Rapunzel]

Hi Nanna,

I almost didn't see you there. Welcome.

Rapunzel

[Wants2Fly]

Welcome, Hamili and Nanna. There are many supportive people on the forums. I hope you will like it here and come back often. I feel as if the people here have become a very supportive group for me in just a few short months. I had been going thru a time of great darkness, almost paralyzed with depression. I don't know if I could have made it without the wonderful people on the forums. And I'm still not in the sunshine yet, but definitely better. Getting outside help is good, though, too. Having people here encourage me to get meds, get a T, helped me find the help I needed in 3D.

[(JD)]

Let me throw my WELCOME in here too Himili and Nanna! We all have problems of some sort, and you're right: this is a good place to be! Come back and post often.

[kimmydawn]

Welcome Himali and Nanna!

I'm glad you found us and hope you continue to come to the forums and even chat maybe. There is more support here than I could've possibly dreamed of! I'm sure your experiences will be the same. Just having someone who can relate with what you're going through can help so much.

Be safe,

Kimmydawn