[SoSadMom]

Hi all,

I guess I'm being judgemental, and I'm mostly judging myself. I think about how I (and many of us here) have an intelligent mind, a roof over our heads, enough to eat today, social support if we do not provide those things for ourselves, and yet we still have mental health issues. I'm feeling like a whiner, that I don't have any good reasons to feel badly, and I should just suck it up. Does anyone feel like that? I look forward to my therapy sessions and being listened to, but I feel like "oh poor me, I'm depressed" but there is no good reason. Some of you may have seen that 20/20 program where they talked about which countries have the happiest and unhappiest people ... and a country like India, where they are desperately poor and don't know if their children will even live to the age of 5, they are remarkably happy people. There is no time for depression, bipolar, etc. when you're talking about basic survival. It sometimes seems that those of us from wealthy countries have too much time on our hands to microanalyze everything.

[Locust]

Hey SoSadMom.
You said, "I think about how I (and many of us here) have an intelligent mind, a roof over our heads, enough to eat today, social support if we do not provide those things for ourselves, and yet we still have mental health issues. I'm feeling like a whiner, that I don't have any good reasons to feel badly, and I should just suck it up. Does anyone feel like that?"

<- Yes, I do. I understand what you're saying. I feel self-indulgent, selfish, lazy, whiny, and fake sometimes. I have a home, I have someone who financially supports my slacker butt, I have more food than I can handle, and at the moment- and for most of my life- I'm pretty healthy. I'm a bit out of shape, but that's my fault. I also have IBS (annoying) and MVP with tachychardia (but that's no big deal). I've only been REALLY sick (like deathly, deathly ill) once and I'm currently fine as far as that is concerned. Also, while my father and his family have nothing to do with me, I do have a mother and maternal family who I am fairly close to. I also have a few close friends and some great pets. I have had wonderful opportunities, too. Also, we've never been rich, but we've never truly been poor. My mother was poor as a kid, but not since she's had me. Yet, I'm not happy and feel I never will be. I also feel very lonely, heart broken, etc. I hate myself and I feel empty inside. I do have some problems- many of them caused by myself, but a few were somewhat out of my control- but I tell myself they should not cause me to feel as badly as I do. Somedays I wonder if I could just choose to feel happy. Part of me says I'm keeping myself this way, but another part of me says, I might could possibly fake happy if I caught myself in the right mind frame, but I couldn't keep it up.

You said people in countires were things are more difficult are remarkably happy. Do you think they are really happy or they just don't label their feelings "depression" as easily as we might. Also, how stigmatized is it there? When my mother was younger, she said if you admitted to needing any kind of mental or emotional help, you were labelled crazy and it was seen as a disgrace. No one sought help. Maybe they have similar issues. Of course, maybe we are more depressed because we are jaded about the good things, but they might appreciate good things more than us because they don't get them so much. For instance, I love egg nog, but I bet if they had it around all the time- not just on Christmas- I wouldn't like it as much. Maybe they appreacite the rare gifts of life more because they see less of them. Also, as you said, maybe we have too much time on our hands. My sister always tells me if I stay busy I'll be less likely to be depressed, but I'm not so certain. Often when I'm busy, my mind is preoccupied with depressing thoughts, anyway. Maybe their minds are preocuppied with NEED and HAVE TO DOs to the point that they can't think about the "what if" I fail, etc.

I tried for awhile to be busy, and it was somewhat distracting, but in the long run, I'm still depressed, and sometimes I even thought about the depression or felt it while I was involved in these other activities. Also, I looked at the activities as distractions and time fillers to get me through the day, so I could go to sleep. That was my goal- just to fill the day up and pass it off so I could go to sleep and be unaware of it. Is that really happiness? Even if I managed to stay distracted and didn't get depressed, it seems an empty life to me.

If depression is somewhat genetic, that may also be to blame. Maybe the genes have taken a better hold over here.

[TheDragon]

I understand how you feel SoSadMom. I have personally travelled to Kenya and Ecuador before and in Ecuador I helped build a school for a village. The people there lived off of $2 American a day and despite the fact everything is a lot cheaper, it is still very, very little, yet the people were so filled with spirit, hope, and most of all, life. To a large degree it is the Western culture we are put in that affects us to become depressed and leaving us wanting more, and the majorty of the population is as such, but there are also times when one is not well mentally no matter how hard they try. It is important to find a fine balance between things. I feel that you have a good start because you realize that you could be feeling differently and you have been trying to see outside your world, and your life. There are many with or without mental health problems that often so stuck in their own lives they do not even try to enlighten themselves by taking a look around them to see the big picture. If you find yourself depressed, do not try to enforce on yourself the thought of "I have all of this, I should be better and stop complaining" because in the end, each of our experiences are unique and those experiences are really the only thing we can compare to because we have lived them. With that being said, keep looking at the world around you because it will help you appriciate your life just a little bit more.

Good luck SoSadMom, you are on the right track.

Originally Posted by SoSadMom

Hi all,

I guess I'm being judgemental, and I'm mostly judging myself. I think about how I (and many of us here) have an intelligent mind, a roof over our heads, enough to eat today, social support if we do not provide those things for ourselves, and yet we still have mental health issues. I'm feeling like a whiner, that I don't have any good reasons to feel badly, and I should just suck it up. Does anyone feel like that? I look forward to my therapy sessions and being listened to, but I feel like "oh poor me, I'm depressed" but there is no good reason. Some of you may have seen that 20/20 program where they talked about which countries have the happiest and unhappiest people ... and a country like India, where they are desperately poor and don't know if their children will even live to the age of 5, they are remarkably happy people. There is no time for depression, bipolar, etc. when you're talking about basic survival. It sometimes seems that those of us from wealthy countries have too much time on our hands to microanalyze everything.

[madisgram]

Originally Posted by SoSadMom

Hi all,

I guess I'm being judgemental, and I'm mostly judging myself. I think about how I (and many of us here) have an intelligent mind, a roof over our heads, enough to eat today, social support if we do not provide those things for ourselves, and yet we still have mental health issues. I'm feeling like a whiner, that I don't have any good reasons to feel badly, and I should just suck it up. Does anyone feel like that? I look forward to my therapy sessions and being listened to, but I feel like "oh poor me, I'm depressed" but there is no good reason. Some of you may have seen that 20/20 program where they talked about which countries have the happiest and unhappiest people ... and a country like India, where they are desperately poor and don't know if their children will even live to the age of 5, they are remarkably happy people. There is no time for depression, bipolar, etc. when you're talking about basic survival. It sometimes seems that those of us from wealthy countries have too much time on our hands to microanalyze everything.

i can certainly see your point about our overindulgence of self in america. yet...
i don't know the answer to your question but i do know that when my bipolar has me and i don't have "it" my entire life is unmangeable. i guess i'd have to say i'm grateful that in america i was able to seek and receive help. otherwise my life wouldn't have been about being a productive human being.
i had to work hard to get to this point of being better-therapy, honesty about what i was feeling with my pdoc and therapist, proper medication after trial and error, trial and error,etc. so the end result has been good for me and i feel i earned every inch of the way. so yes sometimes i will have a day a little down but my gratitude for where i've come from puts it in proper perspective for me. i have too much to be grateful for to let myself down today. i had to fight hard for my very life and fight hard i did. if by some chance i must do that all over again i will fight back again because one day some years ago i chose life.
on the other hand i do realize that many are not as fortunate as me and still struggle with their depression, etc on a daily basis. i am truly sorry they cannot experience what i've found in this new "life" of mine. i wish everyone who still suffers could find relief and solace...and most importantly true peace of mind.

[Junerain]

I am curious Dragonofpain the things you learned and saw building a school in Equador....I feel as if that is something I always wanted to do and I bet knowing even more could add a lot to this thread, take it into an even newer direction......

[bourne]

I understand what you mean, and feel the same way at times. I think that entire books could be written by people far smarter, and far more educated than myself about this topic, but something that comes to mind is that our expectation's are so much higher here, particularly in the USA. We are constantly bombarded with information that tells us in order to be a success, or happy, or pretty we need to achieve X, without X we are somehow unworthy or failures. I think people don't realize to what degree we have all been programmed by TV, radio, print media, schools, most of which are not available in less developed countries or at least not as readily available as they are here. I think a lot of it for some of us is just a dissatisfaction with what we have achieved in life. I know for me that is a huge depression trigger.
I also think that people of less developed countries maintain closer family bonds, and therefore have better support networks, as well as richer spiritual lives.
As I said there is probably a lot that could be written about this topic, but I think it is safe to say that mental / emotional issue's plaque people the world over.

[Capp]

Thought provoking to say the least...

My thoughts are all over the place so I'm not going to post an intelligent reply...not my first time anyway.

Actually I'm working through a wee bit of anger.
India also has a caste system that keeps intelligent people stuck in jobs that are beneath others to do--it's their "lot" in life, they accept it, and few think they can do anything else.

Comparing our cultures should be based on commonalities. Else how do we get a more honest evaluation/comparison?
American and Japanese cultures are bombarded with do it better, do it right, buy it first, etc. ad nauseam...
Japanese children have been known to commit suicide when they did not get accepted into the right school.
American women have eating disorders based partly on the perfection that is shown in the media--never mind the unknown techniques used to beautify the person.

Our culture is an easy target, for sure. It's changing, though. I believe that many are taking their heads out of the sand and realizing what kicked their butts...

Jmo/Jme
For the most part, I do not believe anyone is being self indulgent when they are doing their best to win the battle of mental illness. I do not like using illness...mentally interesting takes some of the sting away.
In time I believe research will confirm it is a multi-faceted disorder and treatment protocol will be determined by many individual factors...
Genes. What affect does the chemicals we consume daily have on our mental health? Violence. Children playing games with the winner having the most kills...they have no concept of the finality of death.
My point is there is so much we don't know about why one person is happier than another.

I'm rambling, but I'm also thinking of the patients I worked with...many were from "good homes." Others had no one that cared about them. They were equal in their desire to find a measure of peace.

Cap