[seeker1950]

I was outside weeding in my front yard. A drizzle was falling, and this young woman with one baby in her arms, a grocery bag of clothing, and two small boys trailing her (probably age 3 and 4), dressed in pajamas and jackets, walked past my house. It was perplexing to see this, but I went on weeding for 10 minutes or so. I came inside, got my car keys, and drove out to find her, which I did, way over in town, still walking, trying to contain the two little boys on foot crossing traffic. I parked and went to her, told her i'd give her a ride to her destination. She had been at her dad's house, she said, and going to her ex husband's house across town. I asked where she lived, to which she replied she and the children are homeless at the moment. I asked, what about a women's shelter? to which she replied there was a two month waiting list, as well as a 6 month waiting list for a HUD residence. I don't know what to make of this. It's the most desperate thing I've ever seen! Perhaps there is more to the story and I am a big sucker. But those small children.
I did go thru my bank drive thru and got her $60, to which she kept asking, "Are you sure?" I assured her I was sure, and she admitted needing diapers. Who knows where the money will actually go...maybe to the ex for alcohol or drugs. I continued driving her to the ex's house which was still a couple of miles away! The little boys in the back seat were quiet and very sweet, thanking me as I let them out at the house.
Did I make a huge mistake here?
I think there must be another solution for shelter for this woman, but I'm unfamiliar with such situations. I do know I can't afford to be further involved.
Your imressions will be much appreciated...and tell me if I made a mistake.
Patty

[bebop]

it is hard to say hon but I think you did what your heart was telling you to do. it is sad to see homelessness is so prevelant as it is today. you are a good person hon.

[katheryn]

i agree you did what your heart was telling you to do maybe taking her to store and picking up the nappies and such would of been a little wiser but its always the case after the fact, maybe a word with the local police or someone in your area could tell you if there is anything that could be done with this family cant be good going from house to house like that

((((((((((((((seeker a good kind sole)))))))))))))))

[Ellen Ritter, PhD]

Seeker, I think what you did was fantastic. The sad reality of this time is that there are families losing their homes everyday and our social services just aren't ready to handle the demand. A two month wait probably isn't unusual, sadly. These stories break my heart -- I wish there was more we could do to help.

So you helped not only care for a woman and her kids but probably also reminded her that there are wonderful, caring people out there and that the world isn't totally awful. Yea for you!

Ellen

[seeker1950]

Thank you, Bebop and Katheryn..
After much thought, I did call the town police, first talking to a lady there who answered the phone, and after she heard the story, she put me on the phone to an officer, who seemed genuinely concerned. I asked him about shelter for a woman with three small children in such dire circumstances, and he was unsure if any such place is available in our county. He agreed that he should be called if the girl arrives at my doorstep with no place to stay, and that the police should find her some shelter.
I noticed that the ex husband's house had a yard full of play equipment, and the girl's car was there, which she said wouldn't run. The house wasn't bad either, probably a HUD rental, but nice enough. One would think that the father would want his children to remain safe in the home at least for now.
The girl said she and the children were going to stay at her girlfriend's this evening. It's really very sad and disturbing, but I can do no more.
Patty

[artie]

I think you need to think of your own safety first and not get too involved when helping the homeless, even if the woman was not dangerous she may have been associated with someone who was.

When I lived in Chicago I let a homeless guy live with me for a month (I'm from New Zealand, we have very little homelessness here, I was very shocked by it and wanted to do something) he was a gentle guy, an American Indian, but very messed up, quite a handful, schizophrenic I'd say (I'm bipolar and I'm denfinitly a handful when unwell).

Anyway after a month I needed my own space and asked him to leave, he asked to borrow my coat, then left with it and never came back. I guess he needed it more than me although I was in Chicago in mid-winter without a coat.

Most of my American friends said it could have been a lot worse.

[seeker1950]

Thank you, Artie, and you are right about the possible repurcussions from helping a homeless person. Your own experience is very telling in this matter. I realize one must balance compassion with common sense. I myself have already experienced something similar to what you describe with a homeless man who turned stalker.
It occurs to me, seeing this woman and children in pajamas, trekking thru the rain on a very long and arduous walk, that she may be mentally unbalanced in some way, but I don't know that.
Patty

(((seeker))))))))) i think you followed your heart. A kind one. I think with all thats going on now we will see more and more of this.
I know here in my town there is no shelter, So where do they go if they have been evicted?
Yes you have to be careful. Warning the police is a good thing as they maybe able to find help for them. Right across the street from my sister is a woman who lives in her car. All winter she did. Its very cold here in the winter. And i mean cold.
I remember once stooping and giving a man money as it was raining all he had was his bike. His cloths were old, you could tell he may not have had a place to live,
I never regreted it, He tryed to give it back to me.
I think because the lady asked you are you sure? your safe.
You did a kind thing in my eyes. Hopefully those kids will eat today now.

[seeker1950]

Ellen Ritter...I just saw your reply. Thank you for affirming what I did.
Patty

[seeker1950]

Thanks, Muffy!
The more I think about this woman, though, something is just very wrong with the picture. I mean, the house to which I delivered her and the three small children was pretty adequate-looking, with lots of climbing toys erected in the front yard and three cars in the driveway, though she said her car wouldn't run. So who knows what's really going on.
I don't regret helping her, mainly because of those sweet little children.
Patty

[splitimage]

I've been taken by con-artists claiming to need money for emergency situations with children. But I'd rather get scammed out of 60 or so bucks than not help someone who genuinely needs it. Homelessness and general poverty is a huge problem here, and people are in real need. I volunteer on a psych hospital hotline, and a lot of the callers are on disability allowance. That's a max of $980 / month. Avg ren on a 1 bedroom apartment is $750. You do the math. The waiting list to get into subsisdized housing is something crazy like 7 years. I've dealt with mental health and addiction issues and was unemployed and unemployable for a year. I was just lucky that I had a generous employer who gave me a decent severance package, so I could get cleaned up with having to rely on welfare, or wipe out my savings. So many people are living close to the edge - it's tragic. You did a good thing.

--splitimage

[jbug]

I've been homeless before and although I had a shelter to go to and it was free the shelter I went to is no longer free to go to. So giving her money was a very generous thing to do. I wish I could afford to give money to the homeless people I see just to be able to help them out to live in the shelter here. The shelter here lets you live there for free for 2 days and then it is $10 a day after that. You are only allowed to live there for 30 days after that and then you need to find housing. I don't know how they expect you to find housing if you have to pay to live there because how can you pay the security deposit on the apartment? But I am stepping down off my soapbox and giving the post back to seeker.

I am proud of you for helping this woman out.

Jan

[Junerain]

Such a beautiful act......'sucker..' is not close to the words and positive emotions that touched me so deeply while reading your post...