[Beyond77]

Hi everyone,

Sorry if this sounds "venty", I am really confused right now with a situation at work

A little background: I work for a company that does NOT allow overtime. if I or my co-workers have overtime, we must "flex" it off during the same week we worked it. I have 2 full time co-workers. We also have a new hire that we are still training, and one of my other co-workers has physical therapy appointments every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday afternoon.

This was an extremely busy week, and it happened that all 3 of us full timers had flex time. My other 2 coworkers went early in the morning to an event (at least an hour and half OT), and worked a full day at a health fair (8 hours OT). Myself, I also worked part of that health fair (5 hours) and went to another very early-morning event (3 hours OT). Our schedules were so packed that none of us would have had a chance to flex off our time before today. Plus, our supervisor made it clear to us that one of us needed to be in the office with our new hire at all times. I figured that it would be easier, for a large amount of time as each of us had to flex, to figure out who would be leaving when early. So I started to ask both co-workers when they were thinking about taking off earlier in the week, and added that I was flexible (which was true). Both of them told me that they weren't sure yet--fair enough, as our schedules sometimes change at a moment's notice. I also waited to declare a day to flex myself, because I didn't want to, ironically, step on their toes and had planned to work my schedule around theirs.

So later, I asked again--one (the person taking PT) told me that she would like to flex today, and that she would use sick time for her PT appt. tommorrow on Friday. The other said that she wasn't sure and would let me know. Another day goes by, and I ask the other co-worker again since I realize that time is running out to plan. She still isn't sure. I then approach her with the idea that I had thought of taking Friday off, but that I could maybe leave early today and come in late tommorrow. She seems a bit annoyed at this point that I've asked her about when she wants to take off several times, and she says that "I'm not the only person who works here, it's whatever you all decide to do". I tell her that it's no big deal and that we'll figure it out. I have the reputation around the office for being very high strung and obsessed with details to the point of being an annoyance, so I decided to let it go. I've also been accused of not being willing to communicate with the others, and being wishy-washy when it comes to decisions. But after asking several times about this, I took that as my cue to make a decision for myself.

So I decide to take Friday off. Thing was, it turns out that the co-worker with the PT had already used some of her flex time at her Wednesday appt. and actually came in for a 1/2 day this morning. She was still planning on leaving this afternoon. I told the two co-workers, verbally, that I was planning on taking Friday off this morning, and there wasn't an objection at that time. Later my other co-worker and I had both e-mailed our supervisor and told her we both wanted Friday off, which she said we couldn't do since the PT-taking coworker was going to be leaving for her appt. Friday afternoon. That, of course, would leave our new hire alone and that obviously wouldn't work.

When we realize this, we all get together to discuss the situation. The co-worker who also wanted Friday off gets annoyed and says that she thought that I said that was going to do the "leave early today, then come in late tomorrow" thing. I told her that I did mention that, but also said that I didn't say that was what I definitely would do, and that is why I kept asking her when she wanted to take off so that I could get an answer and plan accordingly. She then said that it was difficult to plan when "you have stuff to do". I could see where she was coming from since we're all busy, but I still felt stressed.

In the end, I agreed to leave early today and will come in late tomorrow, the PT co-worker will leave as planned today and tomorrow, and the other co-worker will take Friday off. So the problem is technically solved, but I still feel a bit shell-shocked and wondering if I was in the wrong here somehow. I don't get it--they're all about "being a team" and communication, and seem to get along with themselves and the rest of the office great. But then we have things like this, and other situations that bother me a bit as well (taking the new hire in a room without telling me and shutting the door for 10 minutes, etc.). I honestly don't know what I have to do to keep the peace, communicate, and get the job done, something they don't seem to have a problem with when it comes to other people.

No wonder I'm such an annoyingly nervous wreck!

[Beyond77]

And yes, for those of you who have been on the boards for awhile, these are the same co-workers that I spoke about in this post:http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=82058

Things had been much better since, though, and I thought that we'd got all of this resolved. I hate the thought of, everytime there's a mistake or conflict, that I'll be seen as "the bad selfish girl" again, even when I don't mean to be. I also like our new hire and don't want her to see me that way.

It's like everyone else has some sort of magic book that tells them how to act, communicate, etc. and allows them to get along without too much conflict. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong, and obviously it's something--I need that "book"!

[sabby]

Hmmm....I think at this point, instead of trying to appease others in the office (since they obviously don't appreciate it) I would decide what I want and go from there. Stand up for you as you certainly deserve to do so. You can always keep in the back of your mind that you would be flexible, but they don't need to know that....just voice what flex time you want to take and go from there. Let them work around it


sabby

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((( Beyond ))))))))))))))))
I dont think that you did anything wrong however if I were in that same position after the second time of asking and getting the response I dunno I would have probably just called dibs on friday, it sounds like you are being very nice and flexible but maybe your coworker is taking advantage of that.

[seeker1950]

I totally agree with Sabby and Gimmeice. As i read your post, I recognized some of my own behaviours in what you are trying to do...work with everyone, be a conscientious employee (which SHOULD be appreciated by your employer, by the way).
I agree that you should just go ahead and state the time you're taking off, and let the others work it out for themselves. They obviously don't appreciate your efforts, and even seem to be intentionally making it difficult.
Patty

[Beyond77]

Thanks everyone, for the replies. Guess that I just needed to vent a bit...or a lot

It does often feel like I'm walking on eggshells, and that the "rules" are different for me work & social wise, even though that idea seems to greatly offend others in my office. The "closing the door to talk to the new hire" really bothered me, since I can verify that there was no supervisor in there with them. It just grates on me that they're always talking about communication and the team effort, and then pull crap like this.

As I've said before, though, even with all of this I would never call my co-workers bad people. I've seen a lot of good in them, and they certainly do work and help out. I just wish there was some way of getting over this communication barrier we seem to have, something that we can't seem to solve even with repeated meetings and talks--if I remind someone of something too much, I'm a taskmaster; if I don't, I'm being shady, self-centered, and not seeing all of us as a team. I know that you can't please everyone all the time, but in my line of work it's needed...and I don't know how the heck to please them.

Almost everyone else in that office gets along well, and seems to communicate well. Even when I observe them, I can't figure out what they're doing right and what I'm apparently doing wrong. I can organize a calendar, create a report, and schedule an event with ease...but the social side of things is eluding me.

[lizardlady]

I started to wonder if we work at the same place our situations are so similar. I agreed with the others. In the future ask one to try and co-ordinate. If no one states a preference tell the boss what you want to do about your time and go for it.

[Rhapsody]

Originally Posted by seeker1950

I agree that you should just go ahead and state the time you're taking off, and let the others work it out for themselves.

I agree...............

[AAAAA]

I agree with the others, in the future make a decision that fits you and let the others know. I don't envy you, it sounds like a very stressful way to work.