[Lexicon78]

I'm having trouble seeing outside of my mind's view of things. I am not sure what is reality and what is not. Like I think my ex is gonna get the whole group against me and they're all gonna hurt me...my ex will probably try to kill me, but I don't know. My paranoia is really bad right now. I'm too afraid to ask if they are gonna hurt me because they could lie and I'm afraid of being right if they are plotting against me. I didn't know where to post this so just use caution.

I don't want to go back to group because of my fears and paranoia. If I stayed home the counselors would call and tell me I need to be there and that I really need to talk. I don't want to talk to those people! Anyways, I just need some advice or something.

[sqrlb8]

Hi Lex, I'm sorry to hear you're in such straights. Borderline is the primary dx of my brother. He has bipolar features too. I'm bipolar, with psychotic features. Funny how a minute genetic mutation can make such a difference. Ok, not funny as in a barrel of laughs, but at least odd.

Anyway, paranoia is a big deal for my brother. Like you, he is even aware that it is paranoia, and can discuss it quite rationally, at least with me, but he can not overcome it in real time to be able to function in anything like a "group" setting. His counselors all would rather have him participate in group but have recognized that for him, it is counter productive. I hope you can gain some similar acknowledgement for yourself from your care providers.

There is a Dr. at the University of Washington who was interviewed on NPR several months ago now. She has recognized that BPD patients are the most medicated in the MI population but benefit the least from those meds. She has developed a therapy still in the experimental phase which so far seems to indicate the first step ever in improving the lives of those with BPD. I don't know what part of the world you are in, or if the U of W Dr's program has expanded to other university hospitals yet, but perhaps with a little research, you may be able to enroll as a volunteer in such a program.

Sorry, no magic bullet here, but perhaps due only to my empathy with my brother and his suffering, I couldn't avoid responding. I just wish I had more to tell you.

[vacantangel]

I'm sorry that you're experiencing paranoia. Could you not drop group therapy for the time and participate in individual therapy instead? I just don't see that participating in something that is so troublesome for you is very productive. Have you talked with your pdoc about this? Maybe there is some med that would help eliviate some of the paranoia feelings. I can't imagine how terribly frightening this must be for you and I don't think you should be forced to do something that is so uncomfortable, above all you must "feel" safe. ((((((((Lexicon))))))