[anxietygirl]

My son who is 18 decided to move to another city to live with a friend he has known his whole life. He wanted a fresh start. I did not want him to go because of the suicide attempts and his bipolar disorder, but he is 18 and I can't keep him here. First night there, he is arrested for possession of marijuana. I don't know what to do and while most people would think I was horrible for not bailing him out, I have decided to not bail him out or hire a lawyer because I have told him time and time again that this would happen if he continued to use drugs. This could be the very thing that saves his life.

[turquoisesea]

He got caught.

You are not responsible for his actions.

He is 18 now, and if he wants to live on his own, I agree that not bailing him out is a good reaction, because then he will have to learn he has to deal with the consequences of his actions.

just what I think

[MisanthropicOne]

I totally agree with your decision. Were I in your shoes I would have done the same. Its tough love.. it's hard, it hurts and hopefully in the end things turn out for the better. I really do hope that your son finds the help that he needs and eventually not only see's but understands that you only want whats best for him. I remember being his age. I felt like my parents wanted to control me.. I never understood that they were trying to keep me safe by limiting my options to things that would benefit and improve my life as opposed to harming me.

Again I really do hope everything turns out for the best.

[thephysacist]

I've been through the same thing.

Well, as your son anyway.

I used drugs, I abused them, and I got caught over and over.

Eventually I was sent to jail for 90 days. It saved my life.

[Michah]

I always told my son, who is not mentally ill and 14 "If get in trouble with the law for the first time, I will move heaven and earth to help you, so you don't ever have to do it again. If you do it again, I'll still love you but you are on your own".

I, as his mother who is mentally ill, have spent my adult life learning about consequence. The law is the law no matter who you are.

You are doing the right thing sweetie......as long as he knows that you love him anyway, and that seems evident, he will learn. Just like i did.

[gaugreg1x]

Two key facts:he is 18, and you warned him this would happen. I believe you are doing the right thing. Greg

Originally Posted by anxietygirl

he is 18 . First night there, he is arrested for possession of marijuana. I have decided to not bail him out or hire a lawyer because I have told him time and time again that this would happen if he continued to use drugs. This could be the very thing that saves his life.

[kaytibear]

You did the right thing. Hopefully it will be the wake up call he needs. It is hard to give tough love but it can be the best thing for it.

Yes, I think you did the right thing too.

When my half sister, who lives with my aunt, got pissed off because my aunt wouldnt drive her into town, she stole the car. In the middle of a giant snowstorm, without a license, and even tried to get her friends in the car with her.

My aunt didnt know what to do. she had been escalating for some time. I told her to call the police. BEst thing she could have done, as my sister was 17 and would still be a minor so it would be better for her to get in trouble now than later..

However my aunt got the cop to come out, shake her up a bit, but did not charge her. Personally. I would have followed through with some sort of charge.

There comes a point with some children where mollycoddling and babying them doesn't work. They need hard cold facts and reality. Its unfortunate and we all would hope if it comes to that its before they are of age so they are not on permanent record forever.