[GreyGoose]

First of all, I want to apologize to everyone here for my failure to provide support to others to the extent I feel I should. I hav'nt even answered my PM's. It's tough when you have depression. I have been here for months now and rarely post unless I need help and I need to learn to reciprocate once in awhile. I guess I get so down in the dumps that sometimes I'm just totally unmotivated beyond the point of asking for help or posting some rant. I come back here, read the replies and then crawl back into my shell again.

As I sit here typing this, the next door neighbor's 4 pitbulls are barking in concert with the another neighbor's dog. It's been going on for days now. Everything was peaceful here for several years until they moved nextdoor to us. Two families in one small house, 2 generations of children and 4 pit bulls. They fight and argue all the time. Thier dogs bark and howl all day and night. Car doors slamming, motors revving, children running all over the place without parental supervision. It goes on endlessly.

I put on my jacket and went for a walk this evening. It was dark and cold outside. Halfway down the road I saw something swoop down within about 25-30 feet of my head and fly off. I live in Florida and see the occassional bat here and there (maybe 3 in the last 10 years) so I figured it was a bat. I freaked out and started walking really fast, turned around and headed home.

About an hour later, I was rinsing out the bathtub and my finger kind of burned. I dried my finger off and noticed what looked like a small, superficial papercut. Well, of course my hypochondria began to kick in and the next thing I know, I'm looking up information on bats. Now mind you, this bat never came very close to me and I had my hands in my jacket the whole time as far as I can remember (like I said it was cold out).

I found out that bats don't attack people, suck thier blood or fly into your hair and that rabid bats are even LESS likely to become aggressive. I also read that there are no blood-sucking bats in the U.S. (ie; Vampire bats) and that bats are very non-agressive creatures. All of this I read in a number of places including the CDC's website. Also, you almost ALWAYS feel a bat bite which is usually a tiny puncture wound but can also be a laceration. My "wound" was a paper-cut type injury and since I have been doing all kinds of stuff today, I assumed that I must have gotten a cut at some point. Ah...but the mind always wants to focus on the 0.000001% chance that something bad has happened.

I would say that the chances of that bat having bitten me without my knowledge would be the same as if I was in the same room with a goat and even though I had no contact with it (or was even very close to it), I later had a little pain in my leg so my mind starts playing tricks on me and I begin to wonder against all odds if maybe the goat butted me without my knowledge and then I start obscessing over it and backtracking, trying to remember every detail of where I was at a certain time and where the goat was and how close we were to each other, etc. I tell you, you can drive yourself nuts!.

Now, I could rush down and get a rabies shot on the extremely slim chance that I was bitten (without my knowledge) even though the wound is not a typical bat bite, my hands were not exposed during my short walk (to my best recollection), the bat was exibiting no odd behavior (ie; bats are nocturnal and it was at night when I saw it), it did'nt come that close to me, I could'nt swear that it was even a bat (although I'm pretty sure it was) and a zillion other things.

For that matter, maybe I should get the shot anyway because the other day I petted a cow and it licked me and the cow might have been bitten by a bat. Where do I draw the line between real and imagined fears when you're talking about something that could be life-threateng and yet something that has almost zero odds of having occurred?.

- Regards

First of all, when you feel the way you do now, you aren't expected to support anyone but yourself. Sometimes we must turn inward and deal with our own stuff and come back when we feel better for others. There's no shame in it and there's nothing to be sorry for. That being said, now on to the other. You're clearly displaying 2 sides of yourself here. Your rational thought process tells you first (I'm assuming that you thought this first since you mentioned it first) that the bat was nowhere near you, your hands were in your pockets, and that you aren't even sure if it was a bat. Then the illness sinks in and tries to find a way for this to be an issue. I know it's hard to follow that rational thought process when everything inside is telling you that you are in danger. You just have to try. Maybe if you repeat the rational thoughts to yourself over and over a few times, or even write them out (writing has worked wonders for me) it may help subdue the fear. May I ask if you are on meds and see a t? Hope this helps some. Take care.

ryan

[jmo531]

(((((Grey)))))

I often feel down and feel I'm not in the right frame of mind too offer support to people as well. Don't feel bad. Concentrate on you and your wellness. Were here to support you always.

Jen

[GreyGoose]

Thank you so much for the replies. They mean a LOT to me!!.

I did quite a bit more reading on bats so I guess you all are going to be getting a lesson on bats today...lol. I looked at several photos of bat bites and none of them looked anything like my papercut-type "wound". I even looked at my wound under a magnifying glass.

Vampire bats which are indigenous to South America create a "V" shaped wound when they bite. It's usually quite bloody because of the anti-clotting (anti-thrombolyitic) action of the thier saliva. I looked at a photo of a man who had been bitten on the ear by a Vampire bat...

http://www.belizehank.com/IMAGES/2004/batbite.jpg

Other bats create tiny puncture wounds when they bite...

http://www.austinbathospital.com/09_...te1_marked.jpg
http://www.austinbathospital.com/06_bat_bite-tn.jpg

There are a LOT of myths surrounding bats which I suppose is the reason I totally freaked. Now that I've educated myself a bit, I'm a little less concerned but still nervous and anxious as usual. Ignorance causes fear and other times it is, as they say, "bliss"

EDIT: Sorry, did'nt see that one. Yes, I was taking lorazepam for anxiety but have'nt taken any today because I'm trying to conserve my supply. My clinic recently dumped me and I don't know how the new clinic feels about handing out narcotic (some are funny about it). I am not seeing a therapist (or anyone at this time) but I sure feel like I need one sometimes!.

Thank's again ((((((((((Psych Forum)))))))))

Grey, I'm glad you're feeling better about this situation. You did well. Instead of giving in to the fear, you researched and made sure that the fear was unfounded. That's awesome. Pat yourself on the back. Do you have any issue with seeing a therapist or is it just that you don't go?

ryan

[GreyGoose]

UPDATE ON MY SITUATION...

So even if there was 0.00000001% chance I was in trouble...even if it had just been a dream, I decided to go to the ER this evening (just to put my mind at ease - if nothing else) and they ended up sending me down to the clinic. I was met by a kind Jewish doctor there who asked me a series of questions, summarized everything I had told him and then proceeded to tell me that if I was his daughter, he would not take me to get rabies shots. He then said "heaven help me if I was wrong but I would'nt take her if her situation was the same as your because I think it's highly unlikely that you were bitten". He then went on to say that he could give me the shots if I wanted but that they were so excruciatingly painful, he would have to anesthetize me first and I was thinking "whhhaaaaaaaaa?!?!?".

We continued talking as he told me about the horrors of rabies and intermingled this with assurances that he was sure I had'nt been bitten so I was sort of freaked out one moment and then relieved the next as I listened to him. In parting, he gave me some addresses to various online resources with information about rabies (yeah, like I needed to read that with my anxiety and hypochondria!) and then he left telling me not to hesitate to come in if anything changed.

So I waited in the room and this billing clerk comes in. Well, in my haste (and fear) I had not brought my wallet along (I'm always afraid of losing it anyway). and she told me that because of all the terrorist stuff, homeland security had made it a crime to go anywhere without having photo ID and that they can arrest you on the spot until they find out who you are. I apologized and then jokingly told her that I felt like I was in the Soviet Union and told her "oh great, after hearing all about rabies, now I get to sit under the bright lights for awhile". She laughed, then verified who I was and everything was fine.

Then the discharge nurse comes in and I broke down and spilled my guts to her about the "incident" and that's when I found out that she had dealt with a number of rabies patients. She asked to look at the "wound" and immediately told me that it was a paper cut and that I needed to take some deep breaths and try to relax and that it was definately NOT a bite mark". She told me tales of various patients she herself had administered the shots to and said that they are so painful that many patients go bonkers. She said that you NEVER want to take the shots unless you are totally sure you were bitten.

Anyway, I'm home now but the damage from 2 days of horrible panic attacks has already been done. Every sensation...every ache or pain...I will be convinced it is rabies and start freaking out again. This who thing started with a paper cut that I most likely received while I was working around the house yesterday but because I saw what I though was a bat and did'nt notice the paper cut until sometime afterwards, I have gotten myself into a huge panic.

- Regards

[jmo531]

((((((((((GREY))))))))))

I'm glad that you took the precautions that made you feel better. I understand about continual panic as well. I would pop and xanax and just let that take over for a while. I'm glad that you received the info you needed. Take care.

[vacantangel]

I'm glad you feel better now. I know what panic attacks are like, not good. Those shots sound horrible. Take your anti-anxiety meds and try to relax. ((((((((((grey goose))))))))

[GreyGoose]

A confession (call me crazy) but I find myself checking back here about every 2-3 minutes "just in case" I received another response and if I DO see a response, it's sort of stimulates me as if I took a pill or something. Maybe I'm getting some sort of therapy out of it or perhaps my constant checfking has turned into some sort of obscession. Like I'll be feeling down again and then I come here and see a reply and reading it keeps me going for another 10-15 minutes until my next "fix". Sounds strange I know but that's just me. I've gotten a lot of good replies and I'm not really feeling like I don't have "enough" or anything, just sharing

ihad sent you a private reply to your pm and damn it..it didn't go through.........i will try to write to you later..........i just want you to know that i've been where you are and i've found help through medications........there is hope .....peace julia