[passionfruit3]

Started partial hospitalization today.i hated it they were talking about relationships and how we shouldn't care so much about what other people think about us i kept thinking this is probably coming from people who have all been in a relationship all had jobs or worked at some point and has been to college. I can't even relate to my best friend anymore cause she has a boyfriend and has opposing views on suicide,.anyway i hated it i feel like I don't want to go back i don't want to do anything and this was just my therapist way to get rid of me cause I know she dont like me anyway. I feel like the hospital was a refuge from the world to not deal with the pressure.i told my mother the other day i didn't want to live because i just want things to stop here as they are perfect and i don't want to see her die or my family she didn't understand.

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[CANDC]

sorry passionfruit that you are so upset by partial. Since you are having thoughts of wanting to die such as "i told my mother the other day i didn't want to live" then partial is a better alternative than involuntary commitment if your situation degrades and you harm yourself. So if the partial can help you through this phase it is one way to cope with depression.

If your meds are not keeping you stable, then a called to your psych doc is in order. Maybe they can adjust or modify your meds.

In any case if you are having recurring thoughts of not wanting to live, you need a safety plan. There are ways to cope with these kinds of stress, like self care and having a safety plan in case you find yourself in a crisis of confidence. Here is more on a safety plan that includes numbers for crisis lines that serve your area.
Psych Central - Search results for Safety plan

Common Hotline Phone Numbers | Psych Central

Here is an article on breaking out of the cycle of poverty and mental illness.
The Vicious Cycle of Poverty and Mental Health | World of Psychology

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.