[ladyrevan21]

Neurofeedback results:

-Generally went well. Took a bit of a different approach here in regards to just scoring my stuff, how I felt on certain things, from zero to seven, and the seven would be the one I most needed to work on. So we decided to work on certain stuff like my negative thoughts, etc.

-For the movie that I picked for neurofeedback, I picked Revenge of the Sith because I never really got to watch it all the way through (it was on YouTube at the time and I had a habit of not always finishing movies and such), and that definitely stirred up some emotions that were really hard to digest, such as realizing why I identified with Anakin so much.

Possible trigger:

I guess when I run across stuff with mistreated children in it, such as Anakin (and yes, I would classify the Council's treatment of Anakin as mistreatment because they didn't bother to comfort him about being separated from his mother -- which is understandably traumatizing -- or give him therapy for living as a slave for most of his childhood. They just treated him like he was just going to fall to the Dark Side on the spot for missing his mother, which...he was nine. Nine years old. Who did they think he was, Damian from The Omen?) and Jamie Lloyd (there's just this horrible scene in Halloween 5 where Doctor Loomis is in her face, borderline shaking her, and demanding she tell him where Michael Myers is and accusing her of protecting him, never mind that Jamie's traumatized enough by the events of the previous movie that she can't talk), I just remember my elementary school years, and my middle school and high school and some of my college years, and the people who made it pretty clear that I was different, freakish and should be treated as such. I think that's one of the reasons memories of that are more willing to come up, because it's kind of stamped in a lot of parts of me.

That and I do have problems with my anger, I am pretty fiercely loyal, I have a rather dry sense of humor (Anakin does get in a few zingers, like with Grievous), stuff like that. I guess where we differ is that I haven't hurt anyone, I'm not married, and I'm more of a creative writing person than a mechanical person (though I have some skills with tech).

-Learned a bit more about my doctor's methods of treating patients.

-Actually laughed (mostly saying this so you don't think that my neurofeedback session was all gloomy stuff) during parts of the movie, during stuff like the bridge scene, during stuff that was meant to be funny. The movie's not perfect, I'll say that much. None of the prequels are. But I can thank Revenge of the Sith and the neurofeedback for helping me get some of my emotions back -- positive emotions too. I actually laughed at a joke that my doctor made during the film, which...I suppose even laughter is a part of the journey I'm on as much as reassessing and coming to grips.

Also, my neurofeedback guy is going to be mapping out my brain on the tenth day of neurofeedback, so probably sometime in the future. I guess I just wonder what my brain is going to look like.