Not the kind of wake up alarm had wanted

So we had the three of them together last night, same room. Two had to stay in a down while I walked around the room with the third passing by both sides of them. Then they had me give them a rest, and then change dogs, change their positions, walk with each. You could see the fear on 2 of them, and I tried desperately not to be tense.

One awesome thing was that the 3rd, the one that is still staying there and the really aggressive one, had no interest in the other two; she was so focused on me or when not with me, she did not care about the other two, which was so very terrific. Then also it actually was amusing in that she kept trying to play with me. She was so happy to be walking with me; it was nice to be remembered that she likes me. Awww, went straight to me bleedin' heart. I was thrilled to be with her too but I kept it in check, time and a place for everything, but she was so, so cute.

The other awesome thing was that there was no incident. No fights, no growling even, some dirty looks though and some pleading 'rescue me' looks, and definite stress, but incident free. There is hope.

Oh Fresia what good news! I'm enjoying following your tale (tail?) of growth with the dogs and within yourself.

This is huge.... I walked them, two of them together side by side around the third in a down this last session; then would switch with 2 others around the third. I only had a couple nasty glares from the aggressive one which they showed me how to correct. She kept testing me this time; now that I am handling her more they said she is going to do that until I can show I am a leader. We have not had a fight yet, which they want to so I can get over the fear and so they can show me how to handle it and that it is no big deal. It just hasn't happened. I am just not there yet in thinking that way.

I have a decision to make. I know I am not ready for the aggressive one to come home because I am still working on my confidence and skills with the other 2 at home and there, and the third/aggressive one supervised there. I have to decide if I want to keep her there 2 or 6 more months. For example $3.00 for 2 months (1.50) , for $6.00 for 6 months (1.00 per month). Per month, paying on 2 month increments is more expensive. The problem is is that I don't know and they don't know how I am going to do. I would like to be optimistic that it will only be 2 months, if it goes to 4, I'll be paying the 6.00 anyway, but if I stick to 2 month increments and it goes to 6 months, it will get to 8.00!

It shocked me that they thought she might be there another 6 months that they didn't think I would be ready and that was an option (they didn't say that but by offering it to me is implied). I don't like the idea of her being there another 6 months but if need be.... or do I just need to dig deep to make sure that doesn't happen. I'm supposed to let them know Thursday. They need to know so they can plan how many dogs they can train at one time, which I understand. just don't know.

Perhaps I should pay more for the 2 month increments as a goal to work harder/smarter and can always extend it, if have to, financially painfully but if comes home in 2 months, that would be great, 4 months would be the same amount as the 6 but she would be home. Then again with my PTSD, it does not allow for set backs or to take things as I need to and she could always come home early if the time comes and had gone with the 6 mos, and would be the same amount as 4 months, (or not if she doesn't come home after 4 I'd have the time but more cost up front but less over all for 6 mos then paying in 2 month increments.).

I just realized that it's been 2 mos since we started this process and huge progress during that time. I'm now leaning toward the 2 month increments. I just don't know though. Argghhhhh.

The training has been well worth it.

A dog came charging into our yard while I had 2 of mine out. I made them sit, and they supposedly know they are not supposed to get up until I tell them, fingers were crossed. I was able to go grab the other dog and miraculously mine stayed put.

The owner came running behind, thanking me. SHe had been chasing him for awhile; she lived 3 miles away! Bless her heart that's awhile. Mine continued to stay put while we talked. She asked about that and I explained the situation. She is going to contact the people I took them to for help since he does this regularly. .

I was just ecstatic inside though, my "angels". In that moment they were.

That is so amazing. I am so glad that they are listening to you and you have made so much progress. I love reading all of your progress updates.

Somebody whom I know had the same problem. Her housemate dog's kept fighting with hers. At the end the owner of the aggressive dog decided to take it to a dog trainer.

I agree with Cakeladie, you did the right thing. I hope things have improved.

So the last several session have been working on having my dogs together in various situations. It has been going well and I am getting more confident in handling them. We even brought in another dog, who is dog aggressive too like my one and I walked my in passing theirs within 6 inches of each other and she paid attention to me not the other dog, passing without incident. Huge improvement. Obedience is going really well too. What a difference it has made.

What hasn't happened is a fight, which they would like to have happen for two reasons: 1. fights will happen and they want me to know how to break it up safely; and 2. so I won't be afraid of it that it is not a big deal when they happen. My fear of being bitten again is holding me back.

I was against this at first but they tell me it can be controlled that is why I need to see it in an environment that is safe so I'll know what to do outside. I think seeing is believing because I trust them at this point and in theory with regard to this but emotionally, no, I admit that I am cowering.the

The nice thing is after all this time of youngest being away, she still gets wiggly and wags her tail when she sees me. Could be that she is just glad to see anyone else other than the trainers but she is starting to really listen which is lovely peace of mind.

That is amazing progress

So I learned of a new kind of temper tantrum that dogs, new in that did not know dogs do it too, but just like kids. You know how when kids don't want to do something that some times they go completely limp, like a wet noodle? Well apparently dogs do this too in refusal to do something.

I asked my one to sit after she was healing nicely around the room, but she tried to lie down instead, then went completely limp, it would have been comical if she hadn't been practically lynching herself as she kept looking up periodically to see if I was paying attention. She, then while limp actually barked at me, not whined or whimpered in pain, but barked. I was afraid she was hurting but the trainer said not to give in, since she barked, not pain, keep getting her to sit that she is just testing me and surprising she continued to go even limper, dead weight on the leash. My niece did this limp thing once in a store when I asked her to put something back, boy was that a sight. Both finally gave in but my dog sat in this case.

The next time we had a huge breakthrough though, she stopped testing and she showed she was paying attention to me for the first time, each time thereafter, looking to me for direction. It was like that was the ultimate stand off for her to see what she could get away with. Up until now she has tested me on everything. She even gave me her paw in submission then, which wondered if/when that would ever happen.

We'll see what happens on Thursday, next class. I'm wondering if we'll have to start all over again or if she will remember. I am worried if she will continue to test me what will happen when she comes home and they are not right there to coach me through it (?), could I put us back at the beginning again (?)! In the meantime, will enjoy this bit of progress to hopefully build on top of now.

Fresia, maybe the trainer could go out of the dog's sight while you work with them at the trainer's to see how they behave away from the trainer.

I do like this idea. Most of the time the trainer is out of sight in a room that is an offshoot of the room we are working in, just so he can see to be able to help but so that his/her presence is not overbearing or influential except to give suggestions. In this case I wanted them there because we had upped the ante by placing them together with food, in close proximity, to create an incident since two of them have guarding issues.

I would need help to handle it if they did get into a fight because I have to admit I am hesitant, actually fearful still of fights. They keep telling me it is no big deal; it is easily manageable. I have not seen this yet; I only have the experience from when they were home and bit the crap out each other and me. My concern is that they won't try it there so that I won't be prepared to handle it, but then they will once I get home and there will be no immediate support.***sigh**** Perhaps them being out of the room or area all together would make the difference. WIll talk to them about that.

I was thinking how far we have come though and felt a bit more confident in that might be able to handle it should it happen, well, maybe.

We talked about them not being in the room and they want to make sure my handling skills are better before we do that. They said that IS on the agenda; it was good to know so I can get mentally prepared meanwhile. Thanks for bringing it up LL, never would thought of that. They said it will show as you mentioned other issues before I go home with them as you said.

In the interim, the youmngest remembered what happened the other day and did not test, she listened. She did not try to lie down when I asked her to sit or go limp again, but she even looked up with me with those beautiful hazel eyes asking for what to do next. I am such a sucker, it was a lovely moment, but my heart did melt. It was nice that I finally got to pet her for this since she listened immediately and every time thereafter that she listened. Finally, now that she is listening, I can reward her. It has been killing me. She is so beautiful body and in spirit.

I have homework now that is going to be an even harder thing that I did not realize... being positive. Sounds silly but it turns out I was told that I need to lighten up. I sound stressed, sometimes flat almost. I need to work on being more enthusiastic. I guess with everything that has happened between losing Mom, Dad, the issues with the dogs and fights, losing the house. so much stress at work, I am lower than I thought and there is not much positive in my life. I do feel dour. They reminded me that the dogs will know if I am faking it. They don't know about everything else going on but do need to be rewarded with encouragement.

You would think this would be so easy but I did not realize how low and dour feeling I have become, which is not usually me and it took the dog trainers to notice, which they didn't know me before all this and not even my docs noticed that do know me.. funny, they suggested I bring more fun or make time for stress relieving things back into my life. They are actually right. I think they spend more time rehabing me than the dogs. The critters are doing remarkably well and me with them. So I have some work, or less work to or a different kind of work to do.

I had a disappointing day yesterday working with the younger one at the trainer. I don't know if it was me that was off in what I was asking or projecting, if she was having a bad day but, or all of the above but it did not go well. I got this sinking feeling in my stomach then started jumping to all sorts of conclusions after I left about what this will mean when she comes home.

I am trying despearately to put this into perspective but I think my emotions are clouding my judgeemt. It could just have been a bad day but I clearly did not have her attention. It breaks my heart all the work to get her to trust me since getting her, which she clearly does like no one else, but she doesn't respect or listen. She is so sweet, I hate to lose her and have to rehome her because of being something as simple as my not stepping up to the plate the way I need to do but yet that if she doesn't listen and going back to the way things were is troublesome too. My heart really aches at all the possibilities but she just has a lovely spirit about her, I don't want to lose her too.

Fresia, one of the things I learned while training horse, and any other animal, is that they have "off" days same as we do. Best bet on that kind of day is keep it simple and end on a positive note. I also had to remind myself that it was okay to have an off day because they happen. It was something I struggled with at times. One "bad" day does not mean everything has gone to pot and all the training was wasted.

I do appreciate it that. I was starting to jump to all sorts of conclusions unfortunately.

I have been sick and missed last week. I go tonight. It will be curious to see what happens. It's been awhile since I have been this nervous, concerned, but yet excited about something. I am looking forward to seeing her. We'll see how it goes.

Our adventures continue to having a more calm household and it is going really well with the 2 that are here. So much so, my brother came into town to get some things out of my folks' house, flew in late at night. I had to work the next day 7-11. When I got home, he had the dogs out of their crates, loose running around in the yard. The one that is fearful was staying clear of the moving truck and them loading 20 yards away staring, watching closely, clearly afraid, hackles up, and the other was off in the woods sniffing and rolling. Thank goodness they stayed around and did not run off.

I called "heal" and both immediately came and got by my side. I put them in the house but the one door was open, they started to come back out, I made a noise to tell them it was not ok and they both sat just looking out instead. I ask them to go lie down and they went to their beds in the family room and there they stayed until I released them. That was a first and especially with such a distraction in the house of strangers and chaos. The peace of mind this brought was beyond words and so proud of them.

The third one is still at "camp". We had a session last night where they were all loose in the center with many people, more relaxed environment, sitting, talking, eating, and walking around. It is to see if in a more free environment now what they will do before I bring them all home together and so I know how to handle it should a fight break out. It was an eye opener to their behavior as I did not realize how much I cater to them which is causing the fights. It went well in all that I learned for starting to handle it. There was not a major fight but some heated exchanges between them but that was a good start for me.

The ironic part was that once they got corrected for "acting out" and attempting to go after each other. They all sat down on their own in their respective spots that they chose, about 3 feet apart from each other and then the rest of the time did not move, without being told, self correcting because they didn't know what to do now that they weren't in charge of correcting each other. They just didn't know what else to do with themselves so all they could think to do was sit in place. My three perfect sitting statues; it made me chuckle. That's why they fight is to police each other. So then no matter where I went, what I said or did, they watched me, none of the other trainers, they waited for me for direction. That has not happened until now, the attention and respect of listening. That would have never happened before. There is hope. Perhaps she can come home from camp soon.

That sounds so awesome that all of you are making progress! I hope you all continue to make progress and your last one can come home soon.

Fresia, what great news about all of them! Congratulations!

We had them in a "free for all" last night. Leash on but dragging just in case, loose, running around again to sort of mimic at home once we get to that point. They didn't freeze this time. They wanted to play and sniff around. We two-leggers walked around and chatting.

He made a comment that struck a cord, 'a little PTSD going on", that I needed "to walk with more confidence with my head up." He kept reminding me to try to relax that I was all clenched up. If he only knew how much PTSD, no confidence at this point with having the three of them together loose, as I was super stressed. I threw up 2 times on the way down there yesterday knowing what we were going to do.

I know that I look down in part because of feeling the need to watch them like a hawk. I don't feel very trusting of my critters yet, I wonder if ever. Their thought is that a leader doesn't watch or wait for them, the critters should be watching me and a confident leader at that. I thought I was doing ok until then and then it all came back, the tiffs, the fighting. I am not sure how to overcome that, this reverse form of dog abuse, 'them after me' flashbacks. I wasn't expecting that, some nerves but not this bad.

Is this going to be a fake it until I make it principle, just need more practice? They said we will do this a few more times, perhaps that will make the difference in boosting confidence. I don't even know how to begin to practice this at home.(?) I wonder if we should do more sessions to more times a week? I will ask. The session had me balling and throwing up again on the way home. I felt unjustified shame, embarrassment, anger, fear, nervousness, and fatigue yet wired. Don't get me wrong, they were super kind; it was more mental stress that I know I put on myself. It is the mental stuff that is harder to overcome than the physical and what made me laugh is that the dogs have no idea and could care less of this struggle. Obedience is a piece of cake compared to this.

The positive that came out of it is that without the reinforcement of the leash, we could see they weren't paying attention, I asked them to sit. They all came over to me and sat. They listened really well and in a group before this, let alone with free/ loose leash, it never would have happened.