[enjoythesilence1013]

Hoo boy. Okay. Can't believe I'm actually going to talk about this! So, I have been what I like to call a "chronic overeater" for as long as I can remember. I love feeling full after a meal and get extremely irritable when I'm hungry. This has led to weight problems since about the third grade. While I have always eaten unhealthy foods and too many of them, lately it has gotten extreme. When I started working nights I realized I was hungrier than usual, especially on my days off. I pretty much became nocturnal and on my days off I would sleep 12 hours or more, then wake up STARVING and go eat a huge (usually drive thru) meal. If I had to wake up for work I would eat more "regular" meals, once before I went to work, lunch at work, then a small bite when I got home. It has always been difficult for me to socialize, but I realized that when I was out with friends I would eat very little and then go binge on something afterward because I was so hungry. Worried about them judging me, I suppose.

So. That brings us to today. I am currently unemployed having quit my latest job to move back home from a different city, awaiting a temporary position that has not yet begun for the season. I find a pattern of insomnia, then sleeping all day, waking up at 10 or so at night, then going to stuff myself around 11 every night. Usually McDonalds or nachos. I always get upsized value meals, and usually dessert or a candy bar to go with it. I am then unable to go back to sleep after binging, and feel horribly guilty. Also I eat in my room away from everyone in my household, usually even if i happen to be up around a regular meal time. Around three or four in the morning I may have a small snack like bread and butter or fruit or whatever, then maybe pass out around 10 or 11 in the morning unless I make myself stay up.

I know we are not allowed to post numbers but I am obese on the bmi scale. I know I'm eating horribly and not in a normal pattern at all. My social phobia contributes to a lot of this (last time I was in a movie I shook the entire time, and this was before Aurora so that wasn't a factor). ANYWAY, after I eat a huge meal, I feel like no more meals should be allowed for the next 24 hours so I try to sleep or maybe take a light snack if I can't stand it. It's not purging exactly but it is how I rationalize. Last night was particularly bad because after my 11 pm meal of fried chicken, large fries, and large coke, I went back at 5 am to get two bacon egg cheese biscuits and two apple pies and a large coke, instead of saving some for later as planned I ate it all.

My cravings are out of control for salt, fat, and sweets. I sometimes feel as though I'm losing my mind. I can't even eat around people anymore because I am disgusted with myself. I just don't want to feel alone in this

[Line]

You're not alone, trust me. And i understand what you mean about the sporadic sleeping. God, it sucks. It helps to talk about stuff like this! Getting it out in the open is the start of getting better. You should never feel alone, silence. If you want, you could msg me. I've been dealing with my weight and eating habits pretty much my whole life too. It always helps to talk it out with someone, so i hope i hear from you.