Hi-I'm relatively new here and ready to start talking about the destructive relationship I have with food. It's either not eating at all, or binging or grazing. I'm 62 and this has been going on for a long time. Part of it was because of a very abusive marriage and part losing a child. So I know that somewhere in my head is the message that if I'm very fluffy, men will leave me alone.

So if anyone could take the time and kind of let me know how this part of it works, I would appreciate it.

Thanks, T&S

[Fig4]

The messages we get can fuel an eating disorder. How we think our body should look, and how that will help us...

Do you have a therapist? It's best to have someone to talk these things over with...explore your feelings and get some guidance.

I've always wanted to be as small as possible so as to be unnoticed. I'm 68, by the way, and all this has been going on since I was 15.

[gayleggg]

I'm 61 and do the same thing. Usually during depressed states I stop eating and binge when I'm hypomanic or manic. And of course, sometimes meds interfer.

[Aloneandafraid]

I do the same. Currently in a B episode and I HATE it. I think the trigger for me it's related to emotional and verbal abuse. I just can't control it.

[PianogirlPlays]

I hate overeating but I do. I know it would help to be careful but I hurt and use food to comfort. A cycle of pain . I am thinking I need to talk food at my next hopefully helpful talk with counselor. It is so hard to face or deny yourself.

[SeekerOfLife]

Hi Tea. It may be a good idea to start some therapy to explore why. Best to you.

[waggiedog]

Hi there, well, everybody really but in answer to you Tea&Sympathy. Oh how I sure do totally UNDERSTAND you entirely. I'm 55 and come from a family of overeaters, so food has been at the top of the tree with myself and my family. I was a very fat kid, a fat teenager, so around the age of 18 I went on my first ''diet'', I found I was so good at ''dieting'' I ended up in the Psych Hospital with anorexia preceeded by a serious overdose because I couldn't live with my illness. Then when discharged two months later I had gained weight but then turned bulimic with massive binges inbetween. A lot more hospital addmitions followed due to depression and ED's. To this day I still have a serious ED, it's classed more as EDNOS now although I swing from anorexic to bulimic to severe restricting ~ the latter is in full sail right now. Although I don't look like I have any ED, I'm ''normal'' for my small height of 4' 11". My metabolisim is completely shot, so every single thing I eat ''could'' increase my weight more than it would in an ordinary person. My Dad is amazed at how little I live on in my restrictive stage. It's very very little. I'm always afraid at every given minute I could go headlong into a binge and I live in total fear of doing that. I keep checking the mirror to see if I've gained weight! Jumping on the scale to check loads of times a day. NOT GOOD. So I totally understand you all. XXXXXXXXXXXXXX HUGS.

[Aloneandafraid]

Thank you Waggiedog for sharing. I just wanted you to know how much your post has helped me at a very difficult time. I am so sorry that you have had this struggle with food for so long. I relate. I really do. I really appreciate you taking the time to share your journey. It really is amazing how your post came to me when I really needed support. I am struggling big time. Thank you for sharing.

[waggiedog]

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

Thank you Waggiedog for sharing. I just wanted you to know how much your post has helped me at a very difficult time. I am so sorry that you have had this struggle with food for so long. I relate. I really do. I really appreciate you taking the time to share your journey. It really is amazing how your post came to me when I really needed support. I am struggling big time. Thank you for sharing.

Hello there again Aloneandafraid. Don't go worrying that you are alone with all this, because you're really not. There's a lot of us out here but you can't tell by looking at us who we are. There's are many folks with EDNOS (eating disorders not otherwise specified) which are actually more dangerous than the media's favourite anorexia!! Anytime you wanna talk about ANYTHING, please do leave a message and I get back asap hunny. That goes for anybody, of course. HUGS and LOVES, as ever. XXXXXXX