[Blue_Bird]

I can't stop, it's never going to end. I start fresh and then mess up. I don't know how to change my eating behaviors. I do well for half a day then bam I eat a bowl of cereal a chicken wrap a bag of cheetos 2 fudge pops and a sandwich after I just had pizza for lunch.

All I think about is what I'm going to eat next. It seems so simple, just stop eating but it's so hard.

I don't know what to do at this point..

[waggiedog]

. Hi there dear Blue Bird. Oh yes, I soooo understand exactly what you have said here, you can get through some of the day doing well, then SMACK, your mind turns to food and it knorrs away at you until you cave in. I've tried going out for a long walk, using avoiding tactics - everything. Even drinking lots of water of pops, doesn't work if I'm on a "binge run", I HATE it but I've been living with this ED and all the other ED's for well over 30 years, so why should things change now. I'm very very tired of it all, ruling my whole life, I can't afford to eat much at all or I'll gain weight very easily. Tonight I could honesty throw in the towel, so tired of it all, as you are. Xxxxxxxx

[Standup2me]

I wish I had words of wisdom, but I don't
I am going through a terrible spiral of binging right now
And I just don't know why.

Do you think that we need to figure out the "why" of it before
we can beat it?

[finding_my_way]

i do not know your story, but have you ever done residential treatment or anything for symptom interruption or relearning how to eat/normalize eating?

i never struggled with binging per se, just restriction, purging, and over exercising, but the cycle was similar to where i would do well without using behaviors for a bit but then go back into it.

it is very hard to break that cycle when you don't have a way to interrupt it.

for me, that took going to residential treatment. also, part of being in a structured environment where i would have consequences (privileges taken away which after a while were meaningless) kind of kept me on track because i feared messing up and getting in trouble...but it worked for me besides the fact it was very controlled....but it still at least gave me that chance to change it all and try to work on other things, underlying issues, etc. and focus on other things around me instead of food, behaviors, etc.

but it also meant i was motivated and willing to do anything to stop it all..i struggled for seven years and it took residential treatment to help me manage things. i realize everyone is different though for what works or when it might work too.

[Whiteroses02]

Ugh this is my everyday. If im not binging, per se, I'm still compulsively eating and constantly thinking about food and when I'm going to eat next. Last year I entered into an outpatient program for these behaviors. The education was helpful and the meal plan I was on was very helpful. It was a food exchange plan that promotes healthy normalized eating. I found my preoccupation with food was extremely lowered during this time period. Of course, I eventually fell off the recovery wagon and am back to my old eating habits. I see an ED theraoist who is very helpful but I think I need to see an ED dietitian to help myself get back on track with normalized eating.
Not sure if you have the means for these methods of support, but it's definitely a good step in the right direction of recovery and food sanity.

[Calbound]

It's not lack of nutritional education that keeps me returning to overeating for relief. It's something I cannot identify. I don't know what I need relief from. I enhance every emotion with overeating. Sometimes I feel like I am misbehaving and there is some odd joy in that, as in 'you can't make me stop eating' because I will do whatever I please. Sometimes I think it is relief from the humiliation I suffer for being fat, but that relief has a high pricetag and only makes matters worse, while temporarily making me numb. I hate it that my overeating is so visible.... I wear my bad food habits for everyone to see. Sometimes I think I do not deserve to feel good about myself. I grew up in a loving house, an only child with a wondrous childhood except for that ongoing sexual abuse (with objects only, no body parts )by a neighbor a few years older than me. My parents never knew because even when I was young, I knew it would devastate them and change my life if they knew. I never think about it and don't really think it is an issue in my overeating. I was an overweight child and was teased and bullied because of it. In junior high, I managed to lose weight and was popular. In college, well, my overeating escalated to the point of keeping me inside for days. That is obviously depression, but I can make my depression SO much worse by eating the wrong things. I know what large quantities of unhealthy food do to my mental health and I do it anyway. I think one poster here nailed it when they called it a version of self harm. I have a great therapist and good anti depressant medication, but although I understand my depression, I have never understood my overeating.
So grateful for this forum.

[AmandaSturm]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I can't stop, it's never going to end. I start fresh and then mess up. I don't know how to change my eating behaviors. I do well for half a day then bam I eat a bowl of cereal a chicken wrap a bag of cheetos 2 fudge pops and a sandwich after I just had pizza for lunch.

All I think about is what I'm going to eat next. It seems so simple, just stop eating but it's so hard.

I don't know what to do at this point..

Hi Blue bird,
I guess the key is to keep yourself super busy, so that you don't get a chance to think about it. Yes it is hard, but not impossible. Just like any other addiction, you need to gather the will power to beat it. And yes, we all have it in us. And you can do it too

[LifeGetsBetter]

Oh Blue Bird, I know how you feel. I keep thinking that if I can just accept and adjust to always feeling hungry, I can make a start with getting over food obsession. Food for me is like a fix to an addict.

i thought that hiding the food (moving it out of read to a diffrent room) will encourage me not to eat so much, because i'd be less motivated to actually go and get it.

but it didn't work

it was a good idea though i thought

[LifeGetsBetter]

There are foods I just can't keep in my house because for me there is no such thing as just one cookie, or just one dish of ice cream. Just eating something I like triggers me to binge. Years ago, I used to take Dextatrim, an OTC appetite suppressant. But the government took it off the market. Too bad because it worked for me

[seaecho]

I'm a chocoholic, although I like sweets of any flavor, in general. But if I eat just one piece of chocolate, forget it, it's all over. I have eaten until I'm sick, and feeling bloated and miserable for hours and hours afterward, only to do it all over again the next day. I also can't keep chocolate in the house, because I know it's there, and sooner or later, I will give in to the urge (usually it's sooner). I lost 42 lbs. a few years ago, and felt great. I had a cholesterol scare. Well, I haven't had my cholesterol checked lately, and I guess I need to, because it seems to be the only thing that makes me stop eating fatty foods and chocolate. I am afraid of medications, and I didn't want to start taking a cholesterol lowering drug. My mother used food as "comfort," so I suppose I learned it from her, but it's the pits! Every once in a while, my hubby and I will go on a binge, and buy all kinds of sweets (even frosting in a can, eaten straight) and I can't seem to stop myself from doing it when I know he's doing it. I feel deprived. It's really a battle, and I feel for you. I've gained back almost all the weight I lost, by the way.

[LifeGetsBetter]

I am same way with Chocolate. I will eat it until I'm sick and start hating myself. For me, it's a comfort thing. I need something....food to make me feel better. Many years ago, it was alcohol and I had no interest in sweets then and never overate. I just drank. So, now the booze addiction is gone and replaced with food. I'll always be addicted to something I guess. Wish I could find a healthy addiction though...haha

[seaecho]

I hear you, Life. I wish I had a healthy addiction too! I feel I will always be addicted to something as well. Maybe it's just the way we are wired, but it sucks.

[LifeGetsBetter]

Originally Posted by seaecho

I hear you, Life. I wish I had a healthy addiction too! I feel I will always be addicted to something as well. Maybe it's just the way we are wired, but it sucks.

I agree that we hard-wired in certain ways.

[tenderheart1974]

I'm in the same boat as everyone in this thread. I overeat constantly to deal with my stress and depression to try and help myself feel better. I also fear that since I've lived with poverty and addiction these past few years and have the irrational thoughts "There might not be any money for food tomorrow or any food, so eat it all up right now." I went to Little Ceasar's yesterday and ate a whole large pepperoni pizza by myself while my boyfriend was at work. I'm so frustrated. I'm either hurting myself with drugs or food, to deal with stress and my depression and the stress of daily life. I'm trying to learn to meditate but that is very difficult for someone with depression and anxiety. Guess we have to try and support each other.