[dasil777]

Greetings.

I've been a member for 3 or 4 minutes and joined out of a desperate need to vent.

I am officially certified as having binge eating disorder and ednos and have done 2 stints in a PHP at an eating disorder center as well as IOP. The ednos part is when, like now, I flip from the polar opposite of BED to a restrictive phase. I just become so utterly disgusted with myself, with food, with other people eating, with plans to go to a restaurant etc, that I just sign myself out of life and check out mentally. If you binge eat, you know how difficult it is to reign in. Well, if you don't go to this restriction phase, first, do a happy dance cause it sucks, but second, it can be just as difficult to break from as it is to break a binge cycle.

2 months ago today, the switch flipped and I have been eating a low amount calories a day since, getting progressively lower by the week. I start at one amount of calories but before I know it, my head is saying, if I can do that amount, I can do less and if I can do this amount of less why not even lesser etc. I've lost a lot of weigt in these 2 months, am extremely light headed and generally speaking, out of my flipping mind. I'm isolating by skipping out on friends' get togethers, family events and all that. I have tried to break this cycle a few times so far and I end up staring at my plate in tears. It's like I just can't. I can not.

So, I don't know what the answer is. I'm not a kid, have been to treatment, have had numerous conversations with my doctor--although I'm currently avoiding her at all costs, and logically know this is probably not very good for me health wise BUT, I simply can not restart any eating that would resemble normal. The thought of eating more than a certain amount or so calories sends me reeling into feelings of being a failure and a loser etc...

I don't know what to do.
Any advice?

[Skeezyks]

Hello dasil777: I'm sorry to read of your struggles. I do not have an eating disorder, although I do watch what I eat very carefully. I don't snack & I weigh myself every day to make sure I stay where I want to be weight-wise... which is at the bottom of the normal BMI range for my age, gender & height, etc. It is almost, but not really a compulsion. You wrote that you're not a kid & you've been through treatment, plus you've had numerous conversations with your doctor. So I don't know that there would be anything I could add that would be new & different. From my perspective somehow, it would seem, it is going to be necessary for you to figure out what it is that is driving you to have the type of relationship with food that you have... no easy task... & one that I would presume has been addressed in the programs you've attended. I'm sorry I don't have anything useful to offer. I do send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find your way back to good health.

[Chris Altman]

I'm sorry you have binge eating and OSFED (previously known as EDNOS), welcome to this community and we're here to help if we can. The emotional support group chat is also a place where people can hear you out and help with your problems. Best wishes..

[dasil777]

Originally Posted by Chris Altman

I'm sorry you have binge eating and OSFED (previously known as EDNOS), welcome to this community and we're here to help if we can. The emotional support group chat is also a place where people can hear you out and help with your problems. Best wishes..

I could look it up, but, what does OSFED now stand for?

Thanks for the redirection. I'll try and find it.

[dasil777]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello dasil777: I'm sorry to read of your struggles. I do not have an eating disorder, although I do watch what I eat very carefully. I don't snack & I weigh myself every day to make sure I stay where I want to be weight-wise... which is at the bottom of the normal BMI range for my age, gender & height, etc. It is almost, but not really a compulsion. You wrote that you're not a kid & you've been through treatment, plus you've had numerous conversations with your doctor. So I don't know that there would be anything I could add that would be new & different. From my perspective somehow, it would seem, it is going to be necessary for you to figure out what it is that is driving you to have the type of relationship with food that you have... no easy task... & one that I would presume has been addressed in the programs you've attended. I'm sorry I don't have anything useful to offer. I do send warm thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find your way back to good health.

I know. No one knows how to kickstart me to normalcy.
Even my doctor tells me she doesn't know what the answer is.
The ED place wanted me to go residential for at least 6 months so they would have me to work with around the clock but insurance is having none of that.
But thank you for your supportive words.

[Chris Altman]

Originally Posted by dasil777

what does OSFED now stand for?

Other specified eating or feeding disorder (OSFED) in the DSM5 replaced eating disorders not otherwise specified (EDNOS) mentioned in the DSM IV. Best wishes..

[Sansamour]

There are times when I am fine....all day long, but after dinner , it is as if a robot has taken over my body. There is almost a feeling of being so shut down that there is never s feeling of stop. I know I am probably trying to fill myself up for some emotional void, but knowing that doesn't stop me. Of then, what goes through my mind is, "i dont care" but obviously i do or wouldn't have sought out this site

[FaithHopeLove]

I dont have any advice but i struggle with similar things. glad im not the only one

welcome to the forum.

i'm a binge eater too, some times it's way out of control.

i have days where i can get through a family pack of potato chips in 1 day (or usually a morning or an afternoon)

some days are better than others, but that goes for anything

their's a check in thread here you could post in if you wanted to tell us all how you're doing (of course, their is nothing wrong with posting in this thread also)

welcome again and i hope you find the forum as supportive as i have