[Evaluna]

My mum lives in another country so I very rarely get to see her. Tonight she took me shopping which was a lovely thing for her to do, and my daughter was trying some clothes on. While waiting in the changing room I caught a glance of myself slumped on the stool and I was hot and tired and I realised how big I actually looked. I was mortified.

When I came out I told my mum how I felt and whilst I appreciate people being honest, she basically said I was the biggest I'd ever been in my life and I need to diet. Then on the way home we stopped for tea at McDonald's! So on one hand she's shaming me and on the other encouraging me to eat crap.

Now we're at home and all I can think about is food but I don't want to eat anything in front of her. She goes home tomorrow and I'm already thinking about what I can have. I've struggled with depression for years and only recently have turned a corner and felt mentally strong. Now I feel like I've been pushed right back again. She just doesn't get it.

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awww i'm sorry.



thanks for sharing with us- and keep sharing if it helps

[Nimportequoi]

While waiting in the changing room I caught a glance of myself slumped on the stool and I was hot and tired and I realised how big I actually looked. I was mortified.

I know this so well. I hate mirrors. I avoid them, since they will cause me to stay in front of them for hilariously long amounts of time, overloading myself with hatred. It's like a trap...

whilst I appreciate people being honest, she basically said I was the biggest I'd ever been in my life and I need to diet

I think I said about the same thing in another forum just a few days ago or so... why do people never get it? If someone tells you about their problems, they need emotional support. If it's a problem the person couldn't fix on their own so far, it's most likely something more difficult than it might seem. So "advices" are not helpful, since one knows what to do theoretically.... it's just that one isn't capable of doing it obviously.... People tell you if they want your advice...

Then on the way home we stopped for tea at McDonald's! So on one hand she's shaming me and on the other encouraging me to eat crap.

My mother does about the same. I can't make myself to tell all the names my mother gave me for being fat. But at the same time, she always brings food when we meet. I tried to tell her that it's not that easy for me to "just not eat" if I don't want to, but she doesn't understand or doesn't want to understand.

She goes home tomorrow and I'm already thinking about what I can have. I've struggled with depression for years and only recently have turned a corner and felt mentally strong. Now I feel like I've been pushed right back again. She just doesn't get it.

Depression and binge eating definitely go hand in hand. It's a vicious circle. You eat because of feeling crappy, then you get negative feedback from your environment for being fat, which makes you eat again....
I just recently discovered I have to states of mind regarding to food basically... there's this craving like if I don't get chocolate now I'm going to get mad... and there's this thing that there is just food "around" and I almost automatically eat it. I really can't stop myself from eating it though I didn't have a craving actually. It's hard to describe. That's the reason I''m very cautious about what kind of food I have at home. It's some kind of a compromise. I can't fight the craving, but I can prevent those "unvoluntary" and utterly unnecessary autopilot eating attacks.
I'm feeling you don't give up!