[jayy46]

ok, two weeks ago i was over at my friend's house. It was just me and two other girls; one of them being my best friend. Me and the other girl, Tabitha, decided it would be fun to drink a little. Well that's all i remember from that night; drinking. I woke up in the hospital a day later. My alcohol level had been at .420, and i had been unconscious for a long while. Well it turns out that my mom had found me at my friends house passed out and what not. But the trouble is that she had been looking for me for hours, and repeatedly calling my best friend, who by the way doesnt drink, so she was completely aware that i was dying but didnt do anything about it. She even kept hanging up on my mom. My family doesnt want me talking to her because i could have died if my mom hadnt found me, so it would have been partially her fault for not getting help. Thing is, i cant stop talking to her. Shes been my best friend since i was 4 years old. She's like a sister to me. Probably more. i dont know what to do. she said she was just too scared to do anything. but idk. doctors said that my mouth and nose were foaming and my eyes were rolled back, so it was obvious that something was wrong. some people tell me shes not a true friend. others say it was just a mishap. what should i do? i am so confused being stuck in the middle of this.

[musikcrazy]

This is a tough one. It osunds like your friend was trying to cover for her own actions. She was scared and afraid that she might get in trouble. You have to weigh if she is truly a friend. This is serious and you could have died. I can understand your Mom not wanting you to talk to her, but I can also understand your frustration in that you have known her most of your life. I would first give it some time for you to think things through. I probably would cut ties with her as she was very irresponsible in this situation. I can see why she was scared, but she should have done something. Personal message me and we can discuss this some more.

[Evening]

I also understand why your family wouldn't want you to speak to her, they must be angry that she put your life at risk, and may fear that it could happen again.
What if you HAD died? Would she still have lied? Would she have come up with a story as a cover up?
Having said that, it sounds as if you are both still young, and a lot of younger people get into a panic when that sort of situation occurs. I really do hope she has learned her lesson from it, the paramedics are going to be more concerned with trying to help you than giving her a lecture.

I don't mean this to sound mean if it does, but I hope that you have also learned a lesson from this yourself that alcohol is a poison and can kill you. I don't know how old you are, but if you are underage please think about that, my mother has been an alcoholic since she was 15 and it destroyed her, and she's just one of many alcoholics in my family. I'd really truly hate to see you end up like she did. The dangerous abilities of alcohol are highly underestimated, but you of course know now what it really can do.

As for your friend, can I ask, are YOU angry at her for what she did (or didn't) do?
Have you tried to sit down with your family and have a civilized conversation on how you are feeling (I mean where they let you say everything you need to say without anyone jumping in and getting angry)?
I don't drink, but if I was in a similar situation I know I'd personally be furious and unforgiving, having said that some people are able to be more forgiving than others. Has she apologised to you? She may be rather distraught about her own actions, and again if yall are really young she may not have had the maturity or knowledge to do the proper thing.
A long term friendship is hard to terminate and in the end it is really your decision what you want to do.

Sorry if any of this sounded like a lecture by the way, I can get myself rather worked up on the topic of alcohol because of traumatic things I have witnessed myself. I don't mean to sound nasty if I did.

[toniahoward]

I am not here to tell you that she is not a friend but she should have gotten you help....Real best friends don't just leave you to die scared or not....

[jayy46]

thank you for the advice. I too understand my parents, but no, we havent had a talk about how I felt about this. We never do. Its always about them and the damage ive caused them. They never even once asked if i was ok, or how i felt. and every time we start talking, i always say something wrong and they get all mad and start yelling again. ugh.
now about my best friend, YES i was very mad. if she had been anyone else i swear i would have jumped her or something. i know that doesnt sound good, but hey, its my LIFE were talking about. anyways, i did stop talking to her, but after a while i just couldnt take it anymore. she has apologised A LOT. she said she thought i probably just needed some sleep. im just gonna drop it.
i did learn my lesson (: this might sound bad, but im only 14. ive been arrested twice and had 2 overdose accidents. i just cant seem to stop.

Originally Posted by Evening

I also understand why your family wouldn't want you to speak to her, they must be angry that she put your life at risk, and may fear that it could happen again.
What if you HAD died? Would she still have lied? Would she have come up with a story as a cover up?
Having said that, it sounds as if you are both still young, and a lot of younger people get into a panic when that sort of situation occurs. I really do hope she has learned her lesson from it, the paramedics are going to be more concerned with trying to help you than giving her a lecture.

I don't mean this to sound mean if it does, but I hope that you have also learned a lesson from this yourself that alcohol is a poison and can kill you. I don't know how old you are, but if you are underage please think about that, my mother has been an alcoholic since she was 15 and it destroyed her, and she's just one of many alcoholics in my family. I'd really truly hate to see you end up like she did. The dangerous abilities of alcohol are highly underestimated, but you of course know now what it really can do.

As for your friend, can I ask, are YOU angry at her for what she did (or didn't) do?
Have you tried to sit down with your family and have a civilized conversation on how you are feeling (I mean where they let you say everything you need to say without anyone jumping in and getting angry)?
I don't drink, but if I was in a similar situation I know I'd personally be furious and unforgiving, having said that some people are able to be more forgiving than others. Has she apologised to you? She may be rather distraught about her own actions, and again if yall are really young she may not have had the maturity or knowledge to do the proper thing.
A long term friendship is hard to terminate and in the end it is really your decision what you want to do.

Sorry if any of this sounded like a lecture by the way, I can get myself rather worked up on the topic of alcohol because of traumatic things I have witnessed myself. I don't mean to sound nasty if I did.

[Evening]

Originally Posted by jayy46

thank you for the advice. I too understand my parents, but no, we havent had a talk about how I felt about this. We never do. Its always about them and the damage ive caused them. They never even once asked if i was ok, or how i felt. and every time we start talking, i always say something wrong and they get all mad and start yelling again. ugh.
now about my best friend, YES i was very mad. if she had been anyone else i swear i would have jumped her or something. i know that doesnt sound good, but hey, its my LIFE were talking about. anyways, i did stop talking to her, but after a while i just couldnt take it anymore. she has apologised A LOT. she said she thought i probably just needed some sleep. im just gonna drop it.
i did learn my lesson (: this might sound bad, but im only 14. ive been arrested twice and had 2 overdose accidents. i just cant seem to stop.

If your parent's are interested in helping you then they should give you the opportunity to allow you to say what you need to say, even if it makes them angry or they don't agree. Perhaps you could go to the person who you think will listen to you the most and explain to them you need to talk about some stuff and you would like them to fully listen to what you need to say before giving their own input, and you would really appreciate if you could have the conversation without any dispute.
It does take maturity from every angle of the conversation for that to work though.

I am not going to do the whole 'well you're a teenager who knows nothing and is out to do no good' thing, I'm only 22 myself, and I really don't like people brushing off the intelligence of younger people.
If you are having trouble with substances I really beg you to get help for it from someone who IS willing to listen and help. As I said my mother has been an alcoholic since she was 15, that is only one year older than you. She's been in detox, she's been in rehab, she's now getting help for her drug problems. She had me when she was 19, we never had money, she was in abusive relationships, she left me at my aunties and lived in a car with her abusive boyfriend drinking and doing heroin. We lost everything but the clothes on our backs and had no beds to sleep on, just fold out camping beds and fleas. She is not a stupid person, she had so much potential, she has so many things she would have loved to do. She's 42 now, and she's living in Salvation Army accommodation.

My cousin was dealing drugs at your age, in fact he was even dealing them to my mother. He's been arrested, he's been locked up, now he's 20 and has 2 kids. He's done nothing for years since he had his children, but recently his past has caught up with him and they want to get him again, while he's trying to straighten his life out.

I really fear for my younger cousins, I found out recently my aunty had been giving them alcohol underage, they are 14 and 16. I had explained things for so long to them, I told them about our family history, they promised me they would never drink underage. But they have and you have no idea how much it breaks my heart to think I tried to prevent it and it still happened. I can only imagine what could happen to them over the next few years.

Please don't let these things happen to you. I know there is a HUGE amount of pressure to cave into these things, I know that must really feel like it is going to be so hard to give up. But your are going to affect yourself in huge ways. There is a reason why drinking has a minimum age. It's so you don't destroy yourself while your mind is still developing, alcohol can affect the development of your brain and in turn leave you with even more issues to live with.

Perhaps your friend can make up for what she did by helping you get support for yourself, and she can also learn a few things on what to do in a situation like what happened earlier. She was wrong for what she did, but it sounds more like panic and a lack of education. I am sure she is sorry and feels terrible, especially knowing that your life was in her hands and she did the wrong thing.
Maybe the 2 of you can find a counselor or someone who specialises in substance abuse and you can talk to them together. They can refer you to someone, or explain to you the right and wrongs of these situations.
And I do really hope your family lightens up enough that they are willing to support you too instead of blaming you for all the things you've caused them. That attitude will make the situation worse before it gets better.

[Perna]

I assume you're underage since you are living at home and wanting to argue with your parents. I don't know how your friend (who doesn't drink) would know the difference between your having passed out and your being deathly ill. I think your family probably does not want you to be with that friend or any of the other girls there that night because you and they are irresponsible, period. Your drinking too much and their not doing anything are equally poor choices.

[(JD)]

Growing up is really tough, isn't it? At this point, trust your mom. Lay low for a bit and don't get her feathers ruffled for a few months at least. That might mean you don't associate with those "friends" for that length of time either. Use your mother as an excuse. If they really are your friends, they'll wait. At the end of that long time, maybe invite one or two over to your house, with your mom's permission, when she's home. That way she can see if they really are suitable company for you?

You were all drinking and all too young to know the consequences. That's one of the reasons there are age limits to these types of things.

I know how you mom must have felt. I've been on the receiving end of such myself, having been over at a male friends house one evening when it began pouring rain and I couldn't get home. We got to talking and time passed and the storm got worse so we didn't hear my mom honking the car horn outside. It was a neighboring house, so I wouldn't have been looking for her to come get me anyway. She didn't know where I was and was trying to find me. Man was I in trouble, and I was never allowed around the guy again (even though nothing went on.) It was just her needing to find me, and her concern for me.

I'm glad your mom cared enough to go looking for --and find--you! I'm glad you're ok. Now, try and do a mature thing and drop those friends for now.