Problem with caregiver

We hired a woman to do light housework, fix a meal 5 days a week, laundry, companionship, and other explained duties for our parents. She is now taking advantage of being able to drive their car, and is taking Mom out and not coming back to have the meal fixed, leaving Dad alone, and just generally getting way too much into family business. We are planning a written explanation of her job that she will need to sign, after we all agree on the format of it to stop some of the nonsense. She will then be asked to sign it. She is being paid very well for her duties which is only four hours each day, five days a week. She is using her phone to talk to her relatives and friends probably 45 minutes or an hour of each day she is there, taking nice long rests in Dads easy chair, telling my brother how he should manage their spending money, trying to get them on supplements and herbs that we do not want them on, asking me to get groceries at times when this is part of her job. We try to take care of some of these things as they come along, but feel that we need to draw up paperwork, then, if it does not work, just tell her we will take care of them ourselves, and then find someone else. There are things that she does really well, but she is now trying to tell us how to handle and do things, and we really need to put a stop to this. Boy, is this trying and hard on all of us! What a hard, emotional time when parents get like this. Any comments are welcome. Thanks!

Hi CJR520!--wow, what a pickle.
I know it's very hard to get caregivers who actually care.
Anyway you can get someone else in?

I used to do per diem work 3-4 days a week, wherein I'd come in to just oversee the aides........some of them were unscrupulous; the family had no idea. I would document all, to cover my end as the R.N. in charge; but it was impossible to oversee them 24/7---

It's so hard to handle these things...so many emotions involved.
Perhaps you know someone?--a friend of the family?--that might come in to help?

I am wishing you all the best--------------theo

In your answer and talking with other people who have had various problems with caregivers, I see that this is really a problem that many people have. What a shame! And the woman I am referring to, is telling us what a Christian she is. Wow!! Even the top agencies have these problems. Where do folks go to really get help?

You are going to have to be real tough and get rid of this one before they start taking money.

I'm in the UK so things may be slightly different but I think you would be better off going to a nursing agency. That way, if things go wrong the nursing agency will be answerable to you and would be responsible for any wrong-doings. A nursing agency may cost you a little more per hour but at least they can be completely held accountable, they would have to replace any carer that didn't do their job properly and they also have to ensure all their employees are properly trained etc.

Good luck.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this type of caregiver. Shame on her for taking advantage of your parents and you as well.

I have to agree with pegs on this.....go through a licensed, reputable agency instead of hiring them on your own (if you can do this). You can check on these agencies through the BBB for any complaints. Are there any senior day cares available in your area? Does your state have a state agency dedicated to seniors? Even checking with your local/state welfare office for ideas might be helpful.

Until then, can you get a "nanny cam" and install it? I would look at this just like in home daycare for a child only it's for the parents. I think it's important to "see" exactly what is going on in the home with your own eyes. Very often, seniors can become afraid of their caretakers and if they are told to be quiet and not tell the family what the caretaker is doing, they will follow those instructions because they are scared. Also, is it possible to purchase an emergency necklace for your parents to wear? You know, the kind they can press a button for emergency help in case of falls or illness? It may help them to feel safer if they know that help is only a click away should something go wrong in the home (no matter what that something is!).

Would your parents be eligible for something like Meals on Wheels? This would bring another individual into the picture and kind of make the caregiver be a bit more responsible if she knows someone else is coming into the home. Do either of your parents need any physical therapy? Having a physical therapist come into the home will also help....to have another set of eyes so to speak.

Do your parents have any church affiliation? Many times churches have groups of members visit with parishioners who are somewhat home bound, here, another set of eyes for you.

As you can see, the idea is to have more than your caregiver stopping in the home each week, maybe each day while she is there...this may just help to keep her honest enough until you can find a better way to do things

I wish you all well through this difficult situation. Been there done that with my aunty and boy it is HARD!


sabby

edited to add: It might be a good idea to have a mileage form for this woman to fill out. If she's using your parents vehicle, you should keep track of how much mileage she is putting on the car. You will need to check it weekly and compare it to her numbers. If she is taking advantage of the car and driving too far and using too much gas, have her use her own vehicle and keep a mileage for for reimbursement for her gas. Make sure she writes out where she went each day. You can then google the distance between your parents home and where she says she went to see if she's taking advantage of that as well. You do not have to give her the same mileage reimbursement as the government does....you can decide on any amount and she can claim the balance to what the government pays on her taxes.