[BeatlesFan]

What I mean by that is when things are really, REALLY bad, when the person you are trying to help sabotages their own care and recovery, deliberately engaging in behaviors that they know are destructive, and they hurt those who love them the most...the caregiver usually is a mess of emotions.

Frustration, stress, anger, sadness - these are all part of what all caregivers feel. When a person with serious mental illness issues is involved, these feelings can be multiplied tenfold.

I am the one who took on the role of caregiver to my girlfriend. She has taken our 10 year old daughter on a roller coaster ride...from hope that she would do her best to help herself, all the way to the despair we are feeling now that the delusions are so prevalent and overwhelming for her...especially after she ran off with only the clothing on her back and a coat. The police will do nothing, she won't go to the hospital, she is telling all her friends that she's OK and it is me that needs help...

And I am afraid she may be right. I have dealt with depression before. Having a child die at a young age and three failed marriages can do that to a person.

The problem is that right now, I am very depressed about this whole situation. I spent a few hours today crying about this, praying for help, and talking to several people. I am afraid that if things don't start getting better, I may be the next one to seek help...and from the way it looks, I will be responsible for the care of our daughter on my own.

[MoAnamCara]

BeatlesFan -

YES, and a huge yes at that. I am one. you should reach out for help. i am, yet am still sinking fast.

take care.

I'm going to echo what MoAnamCara said. Yes, caregivers can most definitely get depressed, frustrated, and angry. Those are pretty normal responses to such a situation. You care about your girlfriend and you've done all that you can for her. But she can't truly get better until she realizes that there is a problem and makes the effort to get help. In the meantime, you need to look out for yourself and your daughter.

[sabby]

Most definitely caregivers can get depressed from the situation they are in. I agree with Myers, it is imperative that you take care of yourself mentally as well as physically so that you can continue to deal with whatever comes your way. It may even mean going to therapy yourself. You deserve a safe place where you can talk about YOUR issues in dealing with your family...a place to let it out and look at it without condemnation or judgement. From there, you can make your way through the difficulties and feel better about yourself at the same time.

Wishing you well!

[Bmee2]

Dear beatlesfan, i am a full time caregiver of my mom. i am lucky she does not fight me too much. In fact we get along much better now that she is more dependent on me than when she did not need me. i see a T and i come here, and in the summer when there is more day light i try to take a fun class for a few hours. Others have suggested movies...but i do not like to go to those dark theaters alone...i just rent them instead. Other people have told me that sometimes you have to treat the person as if he or she were a 2yr old having a tantrum...give them 2 choices...and allow them to deal with the consequences. Keep doors locked and keys in your possesion.

[Bmee2]

my mom would not allow anyone to come in and help me....bathing and such....i try to allow her as much dignity as i can. In the summer my mom's sister will come and stay with mom once in a while...provided i drive her home. Other wise i do it all. i get exhausted and very very lonely. But you have to think of your daughter. She surely is having a tough time too. Try looking up caregiver support on the computer...there might be something near you or some resource that you can use.

[Leed]

I can also add a huge YES, that caregivers do suffer from depression. I was the full-time caregiver for my husband when he was dying from cancer. He suffered for 6 months before he passed away ~ and caring for him was emotionally difficult. He wouldn't let me do alot of things for him ~ but yet it was almost impossible for him to do it himself. I think he felt a loss of dignity by my doing some things ~ and that's so very sad. He was a very strong man in health ~ and this had debilitated him to a thin, weak man ~ it seemed to take his very soul away.

So it depressed me just to look at him, but at the same time it's hard not having help and having to face this day in and day out. I'd do it a million times over ~ but it was depressing. Yes, you can call in Hospice, but they don't give you the help that you THINK they're going to give. A nurse came in twice a week - for about 15 minutes. That's not much respite.

My heart goes out to all caregivers. You all are very special people ~ may God bless you all. Hugs, Lee

[alias123]

Anyone in the whole wide world can get depression.

People get depressed because they're plain bored sometimes. That doesn't seem to be your problem, but yeah. Of course you can get depressed. You have a lot to deal with. I hope you reach out to someone to make it easier on you and the little one.

Good luck!

[embracinglife]

It sounds like you have a huge amount of stress in your life right now, and that you've already been through a lot in the past. You must be a very strong person to have made it this far without depression. And now that you yourself are sinking, I think it would be very wise to save yourself first. You can't help anyone else stay afloat when you are drowning too. Hopefully this support will help you cope, and maybe your girlfriend will see how much therapy can help someone, and she will seek her own help. If nothing else, your therapist can give you ideas on how to help your girlfriend.

[Dmoonchild]

YES! I was just disowned by my Mom and my brothers for writing a complaint letter to her Dr's office. I havent stopped crying since. She is going to die. I was told not to show up at the funeral either.

[(JD)]

Being a caregiver is a huge task! One of my sister's and I were to handle mom's end of life affairs. My sister was to be health care surrogate and I had been mom's attorney in fact.

That was fine until it was needed--for what it had been set up for years earlier. All of a sudden, family--including that one sister--wanted to do everything they wanted to do and nothing of what they didn't... instead of letting the plan work (like it would have.) Mom passed 2 years ago this May...and that one sister hasn't spoken to me or been in contact, replied or anything with me since.

It's tough being a care giver for strangers, as in a job, but to be related makes it that much more stressful. Do your best, make sure you are pleased with your efforts (not necessarily the results) and hold your head high. Don't be afraid to take breaks, if you can get them, and take care of yourself, even though others will call you selfish.

Be well.

[Perna]

Caregivers need support too, just like those they are caring for. I love this organization:

http://www.nfcacares.org/

[SlatkaMala]

Oh absolutely. When the person is extremely difficult, it can drain you dry. My father was bipolar and addicted to cocaine and alcohol. He was medically noncompliant in every way. He never took care of his high blood pressure and he had three heart attacks, was on dialysis and he still never got help for the drug use.

He was abusive to me, viciously so, all my life. I thought as a daughter I was obligated to care for him whilst he was dying. He was vicious to me throughout that as well.

I crashed hard after he died. I ended up giving up my life to care for him and I still suffer from the repercussions.

If I had to do it over again, I would have stuck his nasty *** in a nursing home and gotten myself into therapy.

I wish you luck with this.