My Friend

Hi

I'm new here on the forum. Really need some help in regards to my friend. Sorry for the long thread.

I actually sat down over a week ago andwrote over every detail I could think of in regards to Jason.Conversations we had, days and places we hung out etc. What I found isit all leads to his lack of trust with people due to his family andfriends turned their backs on him when he got ill.

I mean when I first met him, he was in a shell of his own. Never talkedto anyone or hung out with anyone. He was in a lot of pain and Idecided to befriend him to help him. When we did become friends, Istarted getting close like getting to know about his past. When I foundout about his illness, he backed off and cut contact with me. He oncetold me he wasn't gay due to his lack of experience with females. Hetold me he didn't feel comfortable with hanging out with femalesbecause he had only been friends with males all his life.

The thing with Jason which I have respected is his honesty. He will speak his own mind even if that means hurting your feelings in theprocess. After that he changed like he would come out and hang with meand my now best friend. He was totally relaxed and he was coming out ofhis shell. He left work after that and had a breakdown due to dealing with illness. At the time he was living in a hostel with 5 other guys with mh issues. Jason always stayed in his room, never interated withthe guys. To be honest, he was a loner. Someone who preferred their owncompany.

After that, I remained in contact like sending a text every now and again. One day, he phoned me up and apologised for how badly he treatedme. He offered to take me out for a meal to make it up to me. We spentthe evening at the pub with his father. His dad thanked me for all thesupport I had given his son. I'll tell you I fell completely in lovewith Jason that night. He was so happy, we laughed, we talked and therewas so much chemistry between us. He opened up so much about his pastand he had completely showed the real Jason to me. He admitted that hehad built a wall around himself due to people turning their backs onhim in the past. He said being alone was safer and he couldn't get hurtfrom other people. He also went on to add that he had only trusted hisparents becuase they came for him when he was n hospital. He doesn'treach out for people to help him because of his lack of trust withpeople and he feels low self esteem due to what he had done in the pastthus causing people to turn their backs on him.

I admitted to him after I was starting to have feelings towards him. Wetalked about things going further once he sorted himself out. Dealingwith his illness etc. He told he was happy to have spent the eveningwith me. He felt it was nice.

To cut the story short, we remained in contact via phone. He got hisown flat and I remained in contact. He made contact with his oldfriends. Things changed after that, he stopped answering the phone andstopped going out. He stayed in his flat and became isolating himself.Our contact with each other got less and less. His friends had alreadymoved on with their lives and Jason soon went back into his shell. Ionce phoned him and left a message telling him I was going to phone himthe next day. and he answered the phone the next day. I could hear himlistening but he wouldn't talk. It sounded like a lot of anxiety butafter that he stopped answering his phone. The last time we spoke, itwas like we were strangers. He was very agressive on the phone. He wasin a bad mood. Stupid me I admmited how I was totally in love with him.He got angry and I said something stupid to the point when he hung upthe phone. That was the last time we spoke. That was last October.Since then I write him a letter once a month and even send him a textevery now and again. He had completely cut everyone off even his ownfriends whom I spoke to over a month ago. His gone back to being in hisown shell.

I have thought about going to see him to see how he is. It workedbefore but now his alone. Two times seeing someone who cares about himin person makes him feel happy. Jason has Schizoaffective Disorder and I am approaching this as a friend.

Sounds like you have been a good friend...

u poor thing u have tried to maintain the contact are u sure he is not bi polar too ? i know its hard but walk away this is not helping u or getitng u anywhere x

strongerthenever,

I am someone who has schizoaffective bipolar I. I have a friend who I opened up to and he knows so much about me and my life with this illness. He is a true friend and I to him. I don't know how your friend feels deep inside but for me when it gets hard to deal with all the symptoms of this illness I can become withdrawn from my friend. He still keeps in touch by sending text, email, fb post or even a call to let me know he is there for me and he understands that it must be hard for me to deal with my illness. Deep down inside I really appreciate that he has not giving up on me. Just knowing that he still thinks of me by sending me messages or calling just to say hi I am still here for when you want to talk makes my day. I don't know how your friend feels but when he does get to a normal state and you are able to speak to him you may want to ask him what he really wants when he goes through withdrawl from you. Don't try to say you understand what he is going through or tell him he has to just snap out of it. I don't know how much you know of this illness but it is not something you can just snap out of. It requires much commitment to meds, therepy and education to help himself. If you still want to be there for him and he finally lets you back in his life ask if you can be there in supporting him by going to support groups to understand his illness it may help both of you. Don't jump into telling him you love him and hope one day you can be together. Just get to know one another and see how things work out. Its not easy living with this illness and even for their partner but I know it can be done. I have been with my husband since we dated in high school now for 33 yrs.

Hi

I have knowledge about this illness. I have friends who have the same. I don't assume it's something that can just be cured. I work in mental health and show much compassion for those with mh issues. I care and want to help him as a friend only. I didn't just jump in and tell him I loved him. We have been friends for over two years. I show my support and was the only friend who bothered to remain in contact with him when he was feeling isolated. But a lot of his trouble is his lack of trust with people.

Hey stronger, I have a friend with the same illness who has been going through issues mentally and legally for many years. I've stuck by him for six years, beginning when I was 15. I just saw him today after being released from jail for leaving the county on probation and he still acts a little crazy (he's pretty narcissistic) and still trusts almost no one but his parents and me for support but I feel that as one of his only true friends I make a difference. I suggest endurance and commitment that doesn't press too much on your shoulders. Just a healthy supportive voice while he deals with his problems. Intimacy is secondary I've learned because you're already dealing with intimate issues, even though they're not warm on your skin. Know that inside he appreciates your efforts.