[Greeneyedgirl76]

My husband and i have been together for almost 9 years, but married only 1. I have a daughter from a previous relationship. We have a new 2 1/2 month old baby boy together. My husband has suffered from depression for at least 8 years, and is bipolar (non diagnosed because he won't go to the docs) for at least the last 3 years. He refuses to get help. He goes from admitting it to pretending he's happy and saying he doesn't need help. When he's manic (very very angry manic) he enjoys it and doesn't want help. When he's normal he doesn't think he needs help, and when he's depressed he doesn't care if he gets help. This is RIPPING my family apart! I try so hard to be supportive but everything i do sets him off or makes him feel bad. My daughter doesn't even like to come into a room he's in because she knows he is just going to be mean to her or ignore her. He is so horrible to her and blames her (or me) for all of his issues. He keeps saying he is going to get help, but never does. I don't want to lose him....i could write forever...help?

[Ardmore]

All I have to say is two words (Leave. Him.), or maybe take some time off from him.
I hope you well.

[eskielover]

Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life???? Or does your daughter want to live like this?????

When people refuse to get the help they need, our staying & supporting them just turns into enabling their wrong choices.

Know that we marry for better or worse, but there are times when the only thing that jerks them into realization that then need to do something is the divorce papers. However some don't even change when separation & finally leaving them happens......some people just won't change.....then we are better off without them. We can't live for the potential they have of changing.....all we have to deal with is the reality of the situation.....it is what it is.

If he were to choose to get the help he needs later on.....then you can re-evaluate your situation with him if or when that may happen.

[Greeneyedgirl76]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Do you want to live like this for the rest of your life???? Or does your daughter want to live like this?????

When people refuse to get the help they need, our staying & supporting them just turns into enabling their wrong choices.

Know that we marry for better or worse, but there are times when the only thing that jerks them into realization that then need to do something is the divorce papers. However some don't even change when separation & finally leaving them happens......some people just won't change.....then we are better off without them. We can't live for the potential they have of changing.....all we have to deal with is the reality of the situation.....it is what it is.

If he were to choose to get the help he needs later on.....then you can re-evaluate your situation with him if or when that may happen.

Thank you. He has cycled off his manic and now is in his normal phase. He made an appt this morning. I told him this is his last chance to get the help he needs. Hopefully he takes me seriously. I know right now we would be better off without him and i think (maybe) he might be seeing that too. Soonest appt was 2 weeks out tho so he'll be in his manic phase then...hope he goes.

[Caretaker Leo]

Originally Posted by felicity0444

I don't want to lose him....i could write forever...help?

IMHO, We can't change others, we can only change how we we respond/act.

No promises that this will work for you, but it did work out for me.

I had to choose to leave about 10 years ago. It was really, really tough to do. My head told me one thing (take care of myself) while my heart was breaking because I loved him so very much. But, I had gone through a divorce before and didn't want to do that again.

Leaving him woke him up. He decided he didn't want to lose me and he started making changes which included getting treatment and counseling.
I started going to Al-Anon (which isn't just for people dealing with alcoholics). I had to be very patient and waited and watched to see if he would actually walk the walk and not just talk the talk.

We have now been married for 8 years and life is so much better!

I hope you will find strength to make choices that are mentally and emotionally the most healthy for you and your children.

[mokie]

I am schizoaffective bipolar I and did not ever see that I had an illness even when I was seeing psych and getting meds. It took my husband over 20 yrs to finally tell me when I was in a normal state that I need to change or he and my daughter would leave and would never come back. I have changed since thing but it took me about 2 yrs later after he told me to finally understand what I was dealing with, accepting I had an illness but now know that it can be managable. So I hope and pray that your husband does keep to his appointment and also comes to terms with his illness. Education for both of us and working together as a team is what has helped me. I am willing to share any of the steps I took to get where I am now. My husband is also willing to share his experince if you would like him to. Just make sure that he knows that he has to stay compliant on treatment and meds in order for you to be by his side. Of course if this is what you truly want for you and your daughters life. Its not easy but I know now that we can work on it.

[myart]

Hi! felicity,

I've been with my hubby for 24 yrs and 17 married. I too got tired of him because for the past ten yrs he has seasonal depression and this year it got out of control. I too have 2 kids 10 and 6yrs old. So, last april, I gave him an ultimatum. If you don't go to the doc for help i'm leaving, I had it. I'm almost a single mom for so many years because he wasn't supportive emotionaly and physically (helping with the kids and so on)
I may be one of the lucky ones but it worked. He and I went to the doc and he got therapy and meds. Over the years I turn to food for confort and decided to get help too! (If this continue i'll be more than fat). With therapy, I can talk about my feelings and anger instead of eating! Things are slowly getting better but we both have to work at it and i'm glad we are.

Hope this helps knowing that it can work out as long as it has to go both ways.

Myart