[jacklyons]

This is a wonderful forum. I have tears running down my cheeks just reading that there are other people out there like me - and I'm a well adjusted (well, mostly), middle aged, married man. Thank you.

I am really struggling now and it is very painful. My wife sees my need to know where she is (we have two young kids, I've explained I need to know where she is when they are with her) as an unprovoked need to control her which she equates with her childhood, which was marked by judgement, blaming and controlling. She just travelled through three states, didn't return any phone calls, and suddenly popped up on my cell phone as though nothing were wrong. She never listened to any urgent phone calls from me.

For the past 13 years, I've tried to be as understanding as I could be. Is it wrong to feel like saying, "I'm done with being understanding...."?

You're the best!

[Perna]

Jack, needing to know where another adult is all the time can be controlling! I don't understand the travelling through three states situation but if my husband were going off on a business trip (or anywhere at all) I wouldn't be concerned or think anything of it until he did call, presumably when he got there or whatever chance he got. Nor would he be concerned about me going off and doing whatever I was doing. If your wife is not literally with you, there is nothing you can do with/for her?

It sounds like you have some trouble with being by yourself or fears that something could happen when others are not with you? That is your problem, not hers. If nothing has ever happened to the kids in her care, you have a worry problem; if she has not taken care of the children adequately when they have been in her care (alone) then you need to protect them legally with a custodial sort of agreement so they literally are not allowed alone in her care.