[rilla3000]

Hello all, I'm so glad I found this place
Just a little background:
We are empty nesters both in our 50's and this is for both of us our 2nd marriage. we have been married for only 8 years.
My husband went into major depression w. suicide attempt this May (thank goodness he wasn't good at trying ), he also had the "I want a divorce" and distancing himself from everything - pushing all that he loved away. I was grateful that he is smart enough to listen when I told him he needs help and he went. he now is on Lexapro and it's doing his job and he is seeing a counselor weekly.
I love my husband more then life itself and to see his misery almost killed me back then, it was such a 180 from were our very happy life was before. I am dealing with Menopause (a nightmare in itself). There are some other major issues that I have to deal with too complicated and weird to go into at this time. My concern is does somebody ever go back to their normal self after something like this? I know he may be on this med for a while (?forever), and he really likes the drug. He says it allows him to be who he always knew he had inside but because he wore his heart on his sleeve had a hard time letting out. He now is so cool, calm and collected it's scary. Nothing rocks his boat. I told him I could be dead on the floor and he's go "hmm how did this happen"
It is like having a new husband, so different, so aloof. Will the man I fell in love with ever be back? Or should I start making the adjustments that this will be the guy and learn to love how he is now?

[missbelle]

Your question is a hard one...first when you met him he already had the genes or whatever that make a person suspectible for depression. You were just lucky then that it did not manifast itself. You don't know all his past so he might have had depressive moods in the past that he has not told you about. He might not have even known himself. Some people live with depression thinking its their norm. I was one of those myself.

Will things get back to the same way? Your husband probably was suffering a lot before but unable to pinpoint it. Now he is better...that caring, sensitive man is still there.....he is just not being hurt by what he feels now.

The only thing they say is constant is change......thank God it was not something worse. Right now he has a treatable illness.

You are also changing. I think now together you can still make a wonderful life together. You are blessed to have someone. If you feel that this change in him and you is impacting you so much, maybe consider therapy for you to help you adjust to things as they are now.

Thanks for posting!

Many hugs;

[rilla3000]

thank you so much for your kind response!
We have otherwise still a good relationship just so very different And yes with my own hormonal moodswings life at times seems so drastic.
You are correct maybe embracing the change is for the best. It is good to see how the medication helps him and I certainly love him enough to make him want to be his best and not put road blocks in the way
I also have been thinking about seeing someone myself because there are still other things going on that need to be resolved and I know Menopause can be a "monster" lol.
Thanks again!!

Originally Posted by missbelle

Your question is a hard one...first when you met him he already had the genes or whatever that make a person suspectible for depression. You were just lucky then that it did not manifast itself. You don't know all his past so he might have had depressive moods in the past that he has not told you about. He might not have even known himself. Some people live with depression thinking its their norm. I was one of those myself.

Will things get back to the same way? Your husband probably was suffering a lot before but unable to pinpoint it. Now he is better...that caring, sensitive man is still there.....he is just not being hurt by what he feels now.

The only thing they say is constant is change......thank God it was not something worse. Right now he has a treatable illness.

You are also changing. I think now together you can still make a wonderful life together. You are blessed to have someone. If you feel that this change in him and you is impacting you so much, maybe consider therapy for you to help you adjust to things as they are now.

Thanks for posting!

Many hugs;

Hello, rilla3000. Have you talked to your husband about this? What is it that you miss? It could be he is doing what he learned in therapy?

Also, I am curious about why you posted in the caregivers forum. Do you view yourself as your husband's caregiver?