starting the conversation

Hello, All,

Looking for hints or support.

My brother is mentally ill. He believes that I have united with a bunch of old friends (who I don't see, incidentally, and have actually lost touch with), to sneak around and talk about him and victimize him.

It's all very disturbing, and I think he is paranoid and maybe schizophrenic, though I certainly have no way of "diagnosing" him. He acknowledges, during lucid moments, that he is "off in his thinking."

How do we start a conversation with him? I've got siblings who might be able to help. I would love it if he saw a great therapist and probably got some medical workup but am I dreaming? Can we talk?

Hi, mcl,

Paranoia and schizophrenia are frequently very, very uncomfortable diseases to have. Your brother cannot be a happy camper. If you, even if only now and then, have a good relationship with him, if he trusts you now and then, you may well be able to get across to him that his discomfort could be helped by his seeing a pdoc. With your making the appointment, driving him, and accompanying him there. Have you checked out all the doctors and facilities that might be available to him? Is he a vet? Does he have insurance? Can your other sibs help on getting any of this information? Does he have good relations with them?

I would think, non-professional that I am, that you wouldn't want to have "the conversation" with him until you've drawn together all the information. Including talking things over with your other sibs. Who may well want to be present, though I don't know if that's necessarily a good thing. Maybe too much pressure on your brother. Being outnumbered and all that. If you talk seriously about a t and pdoc without having all the exact information in your hand, there's always the possibility that things might deteriorate. If you know exactly who, when and how he might see a professional, that may make it easier. Best of luck. Hope this helps. Take care!

All terrific advice especially about the ORDER of doing things so in case he bites, we would have some resources for him!

Thank you...it's also very uncomfortable for the rest of us, but wondering why it would be for him. He seems to be reveling in his conspiracies, actually. That's not the kindest thing I've ever written here (at PC, no less) but it's true. He seems absolutely spell-bound and it seems to be those around him who are suffering.

but what do I know?

Anyway, thanks again, this is going to be a long road, I'm afraid. The truth is, he has been acting unusually for some time now. Whew!

Sure he's spellbound! Of course! He's finally found the answer that will explain the whole world! Who WOULDN'T be spellbound? And OF COURSE he feels "above the world"? Who wouldn't? He's got the key to reality and no one else does! Unfortunately, as you and I and everyone else know, he's wrong. He hasn't found the answer. That "answer" is a key piece of his nuttiness. It will be a real down for him when he has to accept that. Take care.

Yeah, it will be a down for him alright. In the meantime, it's a down for me ...maybe that sounds selfish but the truth is, I have alot of really complicated feeelings about this. Sadness, guilt, anger (why don't you get off your dead a*& and do something!), and more sadness. I took a really different path, and in a way, this makes me thankful for T...even the bad therapists that I have had have taught me a lot ...which will now come in very very handy, I'm afraid.

Caring for a paranoid schizophrenic can't be anything but a down. I know that, mcl. I don't envy you your situation. Of course you have complicated feelings. And I don't think you should think that your brother could have avoided this if he had had the right T. I really don't think it works that way. When we're dealing with paranoid schizophrenics we ought (I think) just to be very glad we're not them, besides regretting the responsibility. Which is really quite regrettable itself, without any need for apologies or explanations.

Words of wisdom!!!! No kidding in every way. I think compassion is what is called for here.....Whew!