[gelfie68]

I have a son who is Bipolar I and has been in treatment for over 11 years. He is now 24 and still lives at home. He was/stated he was stable. I knew he was lying to himself and others. He had a bad day yesterday and lost his job. Once again instead of working through his resources, he hurt himself. He ALWAYS calls 911 and is hospitalized. He has blown smoke up everyone's ***. The therapist, his support group, his family. He knew he wasn't stable, but yet he felt he was on top of things.

The bottom line is, when is the time to stop being an advocate? I have always been there to be supportive. I went to the hospital last night, I saw with my eyes he was alive. I asked if he wanted me to take any of his things home. He said "No, his friend would get his things home" and I left. He tried to ask me if I was mad. I told him I was beyond "mad." I went home and informed his sisters. I am now currently mulling every scenario of how to deal with this situation AGAIN.

Frankly, I'm done. He is an adult. He can figure out where to go from here. I am ready to close my door and say figure it out. I have a husband, myself, 3 other children and a granddaughter to deal with. I don't want to hate him. You have NO idea how many people have given him help and tools and support. I feel sorry for them! I just don't know what to do at this point.

[Rose3]

Sounds like he does need help -he's hurting himself. Maybe, at 24, he might like to try to live on his own - with supports who he can call upon when he needs support.
Losing a job can be pretty discouraging. Did he get another job? And it sounds like you need a break and some support too, with some ideas about how to realistically
deal with things.

[greylove]

I have a son who is thirty. He is mentally ill with everything at the Bipolar 1 end of the spectrum. He is undiagnosed, unmedicated and not under a doctor's care. He is back at home after getting fired from his job and losing his license for five years. He worsens daily. He will never hold down another job again. He's volatile......a ticking time bomb. No longer my son or anyone I recognize. I cannot change the locks and put him on the street. It would not change or improve my life because I am as ill as he is. The difference is that I know it and he doesn't.

[cin1]

sounds like a tough situation all the way around. i wonder if things might have gone different for me, had my parents just quit putting me in a private hospital, over and over. i think you will know when it is time to "give it up".. that doesn't mean stop loving.

[buddhablessd]

yeah, tough call;

Have to walk the line of supportive, yet not enabler. I would stay supportive, take him in, yet not treat him as crazy or ill, but start giving him tasks and such to communicate the pressures you are going through, asking him to help you. gradally increasing the responsibility, take him out of himself a bit.
Hard call, though BB

[ruandadolak]

There comes a time in everybody's recovery when they have to own their recovery and their illness and take responsibility for it. I have Bipolar 1, too, and would have LOVED to have had a supportive mother like you. But you are right. He is a grown man, and it is time for him to take responsibility for his own actions without you bailing him out every time, or him expecting something from you everytime. Stand firm behind a boundary that protects you from being taken advantage of and take care of yourself. It sounds as though you could use some pampering.