Is it normal?

Hi, I'm Rhyanna and my husband has been diagnosed as having depression. It started three years ago after he had an accident at work, he crushed his foot and was off work for three months. After that he changed a lot. His depression is like none I ever heard of before. He isn't upset or sad, he's angry. In fact I would go as far as to say the emotion he feels is rage. It's always directed towards me or one of our three children. He isn't violent with us but he does act as though we're the worst people in the wrld and we're just trying to get him down, as though we do things just to wind him up. He behaves as though he hates us, the look in his eyes and the way he spits out the things he says as though it tastes bad speaks volumes.
He isn't always like this, a lot of the time he's very loving but we spend those times being very careful because we never know what might set him off. It's like living with Jeckyll and Hyde.
He has been given different medications and counselling from our GP and they work for a while but nothing has worked for long enough to give me some peace of mind that I can just live life and be happy.
I just really want to know if I'm the only one. I sit here crying an awful lot feeling very alone in the world. I try to do my best to hold everything together for my whole family, including my husband but I'm worn out and don't know what to do.

hello and welcome to the forums....i'm so sorry that you and your family are going through so much..depression comes out in people in many different ways....sometimes in anger as with your husband.io would suggest that he see a mental health therapist and look into other medications and therapy....you are not alone and there is hope for your problem....i hope you'll stay at the forums and get the support you need...

Life's traumatic events can cause changes in all of us. I know personally. Sounds like intense therapy is needed for your spouse and you, and if he won't go, then you go for your own mental health.

You haven't given much info, but since you noticed such a change in him, it sounds like he was really affected by the accident. That is normal if he feared for his life, or even his way of life/livelihood. Sounds to me like something he needs to be consistent with...therapy. Does he realize how he's changed?

Welcome to pc Rhyanna! TC

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Yes, he's completely aware of how things have changed with him. He suffers terribly from guilt afterwards but as it happens, it controls him and all he can do is leave for a while to calm down.
It's 4am here in the UK and he's just gone to bed. We've spent hours talking tonight because he had (I'm not sure what to call them) an episode caused by my putting the ironing board up just before he wanted to vacuum. He reacted very badly and exploded as though he'd caught me making love to the neighbour's dog.
He's all back to normal now and I can barely see as my eyes are so puffy from crying.
I married him seventeen years ago and swore I would stick with him no matter what and I will but it can be soul destroying when he looks at me with such hate and says such horrible things, he knows me so well he knows how to hurt me and he does. Sometimes it feels like I've reached my limit and one more thing will push me over the edge but then one more thing happens and I cope. I know that each time kills a bit more of me and I'm slowly disappearing under the weight of it all.
All this said with the clarity one only gets at 4am with swollen eyes.
Tomorrow the sun will shine, I will be inundated with the sounds of children and life will go on like it always does and I will find a way to make it okay. I know he isn't choosing this behaviour, he isn't enjoying it. It makes him miserable. So it's one foot in front of the other, propping him up as best I can.

i am so sorry that you're going through this. i am so very sorry that your husband was hurt and the end results is the depression and anger that he directs towards the ones he loves. i'm sure that he is perfectly miserable all the time. counseling would be helpful. for the entire family. you are in my thoughts and prayers, xoxox pat

I have been going through anger issues with my depressed 19 year old. She too gets very angry and verbally abusive to everyone in the house. She too has been on medication and she is still trying to find the right dose for her. I do understand how hard this is on your family as well as yourself. When she is having a bad day, I try to keep her younger sisters busy or out of the house for a while, (they are only 4 and 6 so, they were having trouble with her outbursts). Keep your chin up and know that there are other people dealing with similar issues. My thoughts are with you. Take care of yourself too, this can be very hard on a person.

I am sorry this is happening to you. I hope that you can convince your husband to seek counselling. Perhaps it would help him get started if you went with him.

best of luck

He's asked me to go with him to his next counselling session and speak to the counseller without him being present. He wants to be sure I won't hold back to save his feelings so he's going to leave for a little while so I can talk to him.
The only problem with that is that when we aren't in the middle of a bad patch, I have a tendency to downplay or minimise his bahaviour, probably as a coping mechanism so expressing the damage caused by his illness will be tough.