[onlysister]

I have a brother who is only 32 yrs. old nad has several problems. He struggles with social anxiety, OCD, acholism, and now the latest has come out of molestation. He lives in a vicious circle of mind struggles, drinking WAY too much and lacks coping skills. I love my brother very much. I am the only one he will talk to about the issues, but its wearing me out. I don't know how to help him. He only lets me in so far. He only talks about the real bad stuff when he is so drunk you can barely understand him. Therefore, I find it hard to believe anything he says. He is successful at work, but has literally NO social life. How can someone be so successful in business and not in his personal life. I am desprite. I'm afraid of him hurting himself, but I don't know how to help him. He sees a counselor once a week, but of course I don't know what he says to her, and she won't discuss his problems with me. I understand that, but goodness how am I supposed to help him, if I don't know whats wrong. His drinking is getting worse. He is on medication... not sure of the name, but something on the order of prozac. I don't see any change in him. I only see him getting worse. Our parents are not that mentaly stable either, so they are of no help. We have a younger brother, but he struggles with himself. So I don't know what to do.
If anyone has any info on where I go from here, or any advise, please let me know.
This is very hard on me and my family. I am married with 4 children of my own. 3 of which are teenagers.

Desprite for help!!!

It sure sounds like you have a plate full! Raising our children is so very hard in itself and then to have the concern added for a struggling loved one..... I understand your desperation.

I have a brother who I worry about so much(and I'm rasing two teenagers)..... he's in self-destruction mode and will not get help.
It seems to me that it's a good thing your brother is getting some counseling....... have you ever thought about going to a session with him?... would he be OK with that idea?.... that is, if it's something you would consider. Then you might know better what is going on with him and also the counselor will be aware that your brother has someone out in his life that is there for him.

I hope he can get things under control real soon.... before too much damage is done to his health and his employment.

Oh yea, and Welcome to PsychCentral!

[Larry_Hoover]

The counsellor may still be your best route of action. Just because the counsellor can't reply to you, doesn't mean you can't speak to her. Write her a letter, outlining all of this stuff. Your brother may see that as a invasion of his privacy, though, as you are also a confident. Only you can understand precisely where the boundaries are.....but you may be able to say the right thing to the right person without breaching confidence. I'm sure your brother is aware of the extent of your concern.

The rest of my advice is to break away from this situation. You are way too involved in something that really is your brother's business. He can't suppress himself forever. You could benefit from counselling, yourself. Learning how to separate your crap from your brother's crap is a valuable skill.

Lar

[MOMW]

I found that stepping away from the situation a little helped me. I also wanted some input with the therapist, but was not allowed, so I wrote a letter. I helped in my situation. Sorry you are going though this. Take care of yourself.

[bebop]

I agree with Larry on this. Someone with these kinds of problems will only get help when they admit they have a problem and want the help. Let him know you are there for him whenever he decides it is time to let you in. His drinking is not helping the meds at all. alcohol is also a depressant so it is counteracting his meds. your hands are really tied here.

[onlysister]

Thanks to everyone for the thoughts. Seems like most of you have the same thought, that I need to release him. I know that is true, I can't heal him...he has to find that himself. I'm just very scared of doing nothing, and getting a horrible phone call one day. I have tried going to a session with him, but he doesn't open up. His counsellor didn't really involve me, she just let me sit in on the conversation. I think the letter idea might be my best course of action. I've thought about seeing someone myself for this situation, but don't really have the extra cash to do so. So I find myself here. Which I'm thinking...I must be pretty desperate to just put my problems out in cyberspace... But I guess thats exactly where I'm at. desperate...
Is there anyone out there that has a simular situation and can help me see my way through this???
thanks to everyone for taking the time to share your thoughts.