[Kellarella]

Hi everyone,

I am finding it really really hard. I have GAD resulting from being on a jury in a horrible court case. I live with my b/f and have done for the past 2 years.

When this first happened I was in a really bad state. My Mum and I are really close so she was there for me everyday, took 2 weeks off work. I went and stayed with her till I was stable enough to come home. After many attempts of coming home and freaking out within one day and having to go back down to her house, I am home now, and have been for about a month.

Anyway, my mum just can't seperate herself what what I am going through, she stresses more than me, and it is starting to really really stress me out. I love her so much and she is always there for me, I don't take that for granted.... but she stresses so much, she can't sleep and has been told she has really high blood pressure, and will say things sometimes that make me feel so guilty like "My blood pressure is so high, from stressing so much about you"

I have been feeling soooo bad about it, and I don't know what to do, I have been having nightmares that she has a heart attack and everyone telling me it's my fault, I wake up crying.

When I was really bad and staying at her house it was ok. I was so obsessed with how I was feeling, I didn't even know what was going on around me... but the longer I stayed there, the more aware I was of just how it was affecting my mum. I would cry, she would cry etc....

Now I am home, I am feeling a lot better, mum rings me every night saying "how are you feeling" and if I am having a bad night and crying, she gets really upset and says "I thought you were getting better, what are we going to do?" That makes me feel guilty.

I can't count the amount of times she has said "I can't handle this anymore, I am so stressed" and all I say is "Imagine how this is for me!!!!"

I was off medication for a while, but recently had to go back on it, I was so nervous to tell my mum, and she reacted as I expected "WHY?? you were doing soooo well, ohh this is so bad etc etc "

Where do I draw the line, I have to tell her what happens but I keep finding myself saying "yeah I am fine dont stress about me" even when I feel like I have lost the plot completely!!
and then when something big happens and I take really big steps backward, it's even harder to tell her because I have been telling her I am fine....

I feel so bad, she is the most caring person ever, and I know many people don't have this kind of support etc, but I just don't know what to do....

Kel

[bebop]

that is sad kelli. your mom is a worrier it sounds like. tell her how much it is stressing you. I bet she will start to calm down herself. it sure sounds like you are able to talk to her about things. good luck hon.

[(JD)]

(((hugs))) It really sounds like it's more than GAD, imo. Obviously what you went through was traumatic, and for your mom, also.