[IowaFarmGal]

********

[carrie_ann]

((((IowaFarmGal))))

[IowaFarmGal]

Hi kindachaotic! Thanks for messaging! Mom is stiff and sore but seems to be alright. She's had two falls since she came home from the nursing home a month ago. The Physicians assitant that saw her was really domineering. Wanted Mom back in the nursing home. Berated me for calling the paramedics to check her out, said it showed I was incapable of caring for her myself. Insisted all the pets had to go. How would I find homes for elderly sick cats or a dog that's fearful and growls at all strangers? Going into the nursing home would mean they would take all her money and then her home, which would leave me and my disabled son homeless. Was a horrible day. I was already feeling inadequate, I didn't need some arrogant b putting me down further. She ended up talking down at me saying "Good Luck! You're going to need it! Seriously!" She made me so angry and then I was crying at work after the appointment. Brought my Mom to the senior mealsite with me, so she could eat lunch and visit with the other seniors while I was working there. I erased my post, thought I removed the thread title but I guess not. Not a good caregiver, not a good poster, not helping so don't deserve help and really what can anyone do about it. But thanks for messaging. That was really nice.

[neeshi]

Just reading the way that PA treated you makes me so angry. If you have any choice in who you see, do not go back to that PA. She sounds like the type who might cause trouble, and you don't need that -- you need support and understanding and competent care for your mother.

I recommend that you and your mother get a free hour consultation with an Elder Law attorney because there may be ways (there are in my state) to protect your mother's home and her assets so that you and your son could continue to live there if it so happens in the future for some other reason that your mother does have to go back to the nursing home. If that were to happen, you would be prepared if you are able to follow the advice of the Elder Law attorney -- the sooner the better. You might also want to consider becoming her medical power of attorney.

Is your mother eligible for any kind of additional help like a care aide that could come in occasionally or the aides that come in and help with cleaning?

[optimize990h]

Well, I'm sorry you got that type of response from the PA. (((IFG))) just don't overdo it so you don't wear yourself out. Take care.

[IowaFarmGal]

I should go check with Northland Agency on Aging about what services might be available. I do have permission to bring her to work with me. I'm afraid she is going to make trouble. Mom was just babbling on about stuff she does that she shouldn't do. For someone that hated the nursing home she seem to be handing them ammunition to use against us. Can they legally force her into a nursing home? How would I find an Elder Law attorney? I didn't think attorneys did anything free.

[kindachaotic]

I'm so sorry you were treated with such disrespect.
So unnecessary, you're doing the best you can. My mom has alzheimers,
I understand how hard the care is for an aging parent.

The above responses sound promising. Hopefully you can get help that will give you some comfort.
Maybe some services are available & can get the legal stuff situated.
You do deserve the help & you are worthy of it!

Again, you ARE a good caregiver & I enjoy reading your post, every day!
Take good care. Give yourself more credit.

[neeshi]

I believe you would only be able to have one hour free with an attorney -- I didn't mean to make it sound like they would do it all for free! But within that hour you would probably have a good idea of what you might need to do to protect your mom's assets. Is it possible to look in the back of your phone book in the yellow pages to see if any attorneys specifically advertise themselves as Elder Law attorneys? The Agency on Aging that you mentioned would probably be able to tell you if any attorneys near you specialize in Elder Law or something similar.

I know in my state the rules regarding assets for a nursing home patient who is covered by Medicaid have become a lot more restrictive -- because of budget cuts, of course.

My mother made me promise from the time I was about 8 years old that I would never put her in a nursing home. She never had to go to a nursing home even though twice her doctors were going to send her to one. I was able to care for her at home, too.