[BDPpartner]

Sometimes i can't help wondering whether he keeps me around so he's not alone and so he has someone to be his carer there are days, sometimes wks where i can do nothing correct. And when he reduces me to tears i get it worse, as he says i'm trying to guilt trip him Tonight he's stormed off downstairs leaving me in bed alone, because i'm noisy. Apparently me not being able to shut up is typical. Apparently i say sorry in this case for being noisy and then the next minute i make a noise. "your not sorry, when you do it straight away again" he tells me it's like i kick him say sorry then kick him again. He only seems happy when i'm working my arse off, but of course i have to be doing the job his way i really do question whether he loves

[1984]

ur not alone. i feel the same way most of the time. it seems my gf is only loving when she wants attention from some one. haven't heard from her n a week, n it really does hurt alot of the time. u can't help but feel the way u do when he treats u like he is

[BDPpartner]

To coin a phrase I feel like i'm walking on eggshells all the time recently. On one hand I feel like I should just shut up and stop go on because I knew what I was walking into b4 we got together, but on the other hand if I don't rant I'll erupt and push him over the edge. I hate bpd !!

[Jannaku]

Hi there. I know exactly how you feel - sounds like my narcissistic husband Walking on eggshells is the best way to describe it - you just never know when they are going to explode over some trivial thing. It's an emotional roller coaster ride as they go from being nice to nasty, nice to nasty together with their unpredictability. I have just begun seeing a therapist who I hope can help me cope with his personality disorder. Maybe that's something you should consider. These people erode our self esteem and sense of self and we need to build it back up again. My sympathies are with you. Hang in there

[BDPpartner]

I think that some sort of therapy may help me, I really do seem to have lost myself

[1984]

i started going and seeing sum1. all the stress n getn yelled at, n especially the hurtful words were really starting to get to me. its helped alot to be able to sit down n vent to a therapist

These people erode our self esteem and sense of self and we need to build it back up again. My sympathies are with you. Hang in there

WOW. Jannaku. You know, I get it. Kudos to you for hangin' in there.

You know the only difference....You have the choice to walk away from the disorder.

I don't.
-Fleeing Bellocq

[BDPpartner]

You know the only difference....You have the choice to walk away from the disorder.

I love my other half and because I know his disorder is what makes him behave in such a manner I'm sticking in here. If a partner treated me in such a manner that didn't have a valid reason/illness I wouldn't stick around.

[Jannaku]

You know the only difference....You have the choice to walk away from the disorder.

I don't.
-Fleeing Bellocq[/quote]

Walking away makes it sound so easy but I can assure you that by doing this or even attempting to do this it would end up being one of the most dramatic, emotionally draining and soul destroying experiences of your life. For some people it might be feasible but for many (me included) it's in the "too hard" basket for family dynamic and financial reasons. Also our eroded self esteem and fear prevents us from having the courage and confidence to do this. Nevertheless as cold hearted as it sounds if I won lotto tomorrow I would definitely make that move and free myself and my children from the dysfunctional and emotionally abusive environment we call "home".

[BDPpartner]

As much as i vent/rant/moan if I won the lottery I wouldn't leave. I'd make sure that I got more time away from the situation so I could regain my mental strength etc. I'd also get us both top notch therapy because no matter how many times i'm sobbing my eyes out while he's shouting and verbally attacking me I do love him & I can't walk away without trying my hardest to make things work. I just have one question tho for anyone out there who suffers bpd or a similar illness if your in crisis and screaming and shouting at a love one and you reduce them to sobbing their heart out, does it in an way effect you ? Does it not cross your mind that you should stop ? Does it just make you worse ? Any insight would be good thanks