[mhykes]

My husband was diagnosed with depression and ADHD, two years ago; we've been married for 13yrs. He cycles in and out of depression and I don't know if he takes his meds. He has told me he's not honest with his psychiatrist and stated he would find a new one however, that has yet to happen after three months.

My questions are the following:

He seems to only to be vicious and angry towards me, is it because it's my fault? Everything I do or say he turns it around to make me the villian.

He hides it well from his family and friends...when I reached out to them he persuaded them I was losing it because we are getting a divorce. How do I make them see he's the one with the problem? I have over 30 pages of emails that show he's unbalanced.

I live in California and while he hasn't made threats I'm afraid of him. His agression in his words and actions seems to grow with each episode. I have two young kids. Can I get him committed?

I need help....I'm alone...and afraid. My psychologist thinks he has personality disorder above and beyond the depression. Mental illness runs in his family and his sister is a psychiatrist has seen his rants but, he has snowballed her too. I don't know what to do...how can I get someone to listen to me and take me serious?

[Travelinglady]

Sad to say, we take out the majority of our frustrations and kookiness, if you will, on the people who are closest to us. My perception is you didn't do it to your husband. The ADHD is more of a brain issue, and the depression can be, too. Personality issues seem to emanate from childhood experiences, as far as I know.

I suggest you find yourself a therapist and talk to him/her about your and your husband's situation. That way, too, you can tell your whole story, get face-to-face support, and maybe be provided with some advice.

Feel free, though, to vent here and to see if other women have dealt with similar situations. I'm sure you're not alone.

[tinyrabbit]

Have you ever heard of something called displacement? It's where you direct anger at someone when you're not really angry with them but with someone else or with everything. Just because he's angry with you, doesn't mean it's your fault.

I think it might be a good idea to talk to a women's aid type organisation (sorry don't know what the right thing would be as I am in England) about how best to proceed. You have the right to leave him. You don't have to live in fear.

[roads]

"cycles in and out of depression" doesn't sound like clinical depression. What does your psychologist advise? Have you mentioned marriage counseling?
I seriously doubt that you could have him committed. That's extreme, anyway ... he may simply need to take him meds and be honest with his T.
I'd call a women's crisis line--you might need to get out of there for awhile and be in a safe place while you try to reason with him.
His anger has a life of it's own. You need to not get in the middle of it.
Please take best care of you are children.
roadie

[JennTom]

Hi, you have the right to be happy and have peace of mind... marriage is a contract that you will be together no matter what... that what vows says.. but in my opinion no one deserves to live in fear and to live with someone who makes you feel bad all the time. I feel for you and I wish you find ways to be free and happy and enjoy life to the best you can. Cheer up

[mhykes]

First, thank you to everyone who has read or replied.

My psychologist thinks he suffers from a personality disorder ( narcis or bi-polar) however, since she doesn't see him and only goes by what I say or show her of his writings, we can't be sure. I say cycling because that what it feels like to me. He's up for a few days and then depressed, angry, irritable, sleeps for days at time. They usually come every 6-10 days after he is "clear" (in a good mood) and can last three days to three weeks. He has been diagnosed with depressions, it runs in the family, and ADHD.

It's just very hard when he's mean and vicious to not feel like I've done something to deserve it even though my rational side knows it's not the case. Sometimes I feel I'm in a no win situation...if I speak up for myself it makes him angry, If I don't it makes me feel less and I'm enabling the behavior.

I'm going to try using LEAP with him, to the best of my ability, because he truly does not believe he is sick and I'm approaching the end of my rope.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by mhykes

My psychologist thinks he suffers from a personality disorder ( narcis or bi-polar)

bipolar is a pretty treatable mood disorder

narcissism is a mostly untreatable personality disorder

I thought that psychologists knew that...

You definitely cannot get him committed. I have not 30 but 30 thousand pages of verbal abuse from Husband - then ex Husband, and it has never occurred to me that I might commit him

But if threats are real, you might get a restraining order, if you are indeed very fearful of him for a reason.

A restraining order would necessitate physical separation.