Introduction

Hey everyone. I typically post in the Borderline Personality Disorder section, but soon I'll become the caregiver for my mom. I did post over there, since that's my "home" but they also suggested I post over here for some advice.

My mom just got admitted into a nursing home after a week in the hospital. She has "chronic progressive" MS, according to the neurologist in the hospital. When I visited her one afternoon, as per my schedule, I found her in a terrible state and called the EMS. She had sepsis from a UTI that went undiagnosed. Luckily I caught it in time and now she's caught up in medical, physical and occupational therapy. She's refused to see a doctor, take medication or any treatment for the MS for 7 years until now.

Anyways, the "goal" for her is to be in nursing care until I can break my lease and move in with her. I'm not looking forward to this. She is a needy, demanding person and typically very negative. But I love my mom so I voluntarily took this on.

Before, my sister, a hired aide, and I were taking care of her and it just simply wasn't enough. She's completely bedridden and was on a foley catheter. That catheter went bye bye in the hospital. But, needless to say, she needed much more care.

Anyways, sorry for the long post. Any advice for how to prepare for the life of a caregiver? I'm 31 and my mom is 62. I have no husband, no boyfriend, and no kids. Just a loving dog, which my mom likes. I plan on quitting work when I move in with my mom because she'll need the care. Any advice or support would be much appreciated.

Hi, BorderlineMess,

It's very noble of you to volunteer to take care of your mom. In my view, it would be
helpful for you to talk to your mother's neurologist about your mother's care. If you
undertake such a job with the approval of her neurologist, you're going to need a support system to assist you.

When you cared for your mother before, you had your sister and an employed person
to work with you. You will need them again in this new effort. You will be able to do very
helpful and caring things for your mother that may help bring her into remission, but
you are also going to need some relief.

Please plan ahead for the assistance you will find so helpful in providing you with time
for rest, shopping, relaxing, etc., from the steady routine of essential care for your
mother.

It's truly an admirable thing you are volunteering for, and I hope you have the neurologist's approval for her care. He might give you some helpful ideas about how
to manage the overall situation. I'm hoping that your sister will be in a position to
serve as a helper and that you might be able to afford someone to provide help, as well.

I hope you are able to develop a group-aid plan; you will need that, in my view.

Take care and very good wishes.

This is going to sound really harsh but do not become a full time caretaker for your mother. I come from a large family mostly girls and when my mom got sick we all vowed to keep her at home and we would all pitch in. And we did, sort of, but one sister took the full brunt of it because she was there.

Mom passed and sis stayed home to keep house for dad. He got liver cancer and was given a diagnosis of three months. However he lived for over three years and she, once again, took the brunt of the nursing care. It was only in the last year that the other five of us realized how much it was taking out of her and came on board full time despite having full time jobs ourselves. There were six of us taking care of him and it was brutal even then. The emotional weight, the lack of sleep the worry and strain! No one person should have to do that and you will be exhausted with no one else to lean on. Shortly after he died, sis was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and I swear it was brought on due to the stress.

Please try to find another place for your mom to stay. A nursing home of some kind perhaps where you can still visit but do not have the whole weight.