[Bark]

My sister has a pervasive developmental disorder, autism, Asperger's... take your pick. It's summer, so I'm staying at home with her. And... she drives me crazy, to put it mildly. She pushes all my buttons, and I lash out at her. I know she doesn't know any better, but I can't take it. I feel guilty for yelling at her and what not, but she just doesn't get it. And my dad... I don't know how he's been able to put up with her, with all that he's been going through. She's in her thirties, but she acts like a kid. She'll ask you something, and if she doesn't get the answer she wants, she'll have a small tantrum. You don't want to talk, doesn't matter, she does. Talk and talk and talk and talk and talk. About the same things. You just answered her five minutes ago, but she wants to hear it again. And the things she says about people.... And of course the whole world revolves around her. She'll get upset that people made fun of her, but she makes fun of them all the time. She was in a place with people with other disabilities, and she kept saying how this person was stupid, retarded, mean, whatever. Mean probably because they didn't kiss her feet.

I could go on and on. I was wondering if anyone could give me any advice or tips or anything to help me deal with her and not blow up all the time. In a way, she's smart, but then sometimes she does things that amaze you. In one ear, out the other.

Okay, I'm digressing again. If anyone could offer any help, I'd appreciate it. Ways to talk to her, to get down to her level, to get her to listen.... I know I can't change her as a person, but if I could change her behaviour a little bit, it would help tons. I love her and want the best for her.

In case anyone's curious, she sees a psychiatrist and is on medication. All I see are the side effects, I feel, and I'm hoping he'll change her medication next time we see him. She has to be on medication, though.

Thanks for reading.

I think your chances of changing your reactions are much better than changing her behavior.

[Bark]

I think you're right, George. Still, for her own sake, to do the things she wants to do (like work), she needs to make at least a few changes. She did graduate high school and start college, so I think there's some hope there.

[yellowfrog268]

Oh I'm am so sorry you are going through this.

Two thoughts come to mind.

First, do the two of you do any activities together? Time spent together doing something fun gives her the attentions she seems to need and may help you form a more positive association to time spent with her.

Second, sounds like you could also use some alone time. While I don't know your age or resources, maybe there is some way for you to get out of the house once or twice a week to give yourself a break.

Hope this helps.

[Bark]

Thanks, yellowfrog. Now that you mention it, I'm usually trying to get away from her. I haven't tried doing much with her. I ought to change that. As for the latter, thankfully I do get some alone time, so it's livable.