[BDPpartner]

As the title says i'm the non BPD partner in my relationship. I'm on my own with nobody i can turn to after he's had a rage. He's not physically violent and i don't believe he ever will be with me, but his words cut like a knife

[rocky36]

Originally Posted by BDPpartner

As the title says i'm the non BPD partner in my relationship. I'm on my own with nobody i can turn to after he's had a rage. He's not physically violent and i don't believe he ever will be with me, but his words cut like a knife

Mine has been to the doc and not been officially diagnosed, mine also packed his stuff and moved to another state, saying we do better apart then together REALLY??!! WTF.....sitting here thinking I am the one with the problem, guess what we arent.....I am so there with you.....HUGS...... I wish I could offer words of encouragement but I can't..right now all I can offer is HOPE because that is what I am hanging on right now, he is on a manic phase right now where "this is the best idea" but it makes sense to who?? HIM ONLY.....but I am here and maybe we can chat together....

[BDPpartner]

I can totally identify with the situation your going through at the moment. At least once a month i get the your making me ill, your killing me. I think we'd be better off not being together get out i never want to see you again. One of us leaves then within hrs or days he acts like nothing has happened. Big hugs to you, i'm here if you need to chat

[rocky36]

Originally Posted by BDPpartner

I can totally identify with the situation your going through at the moment. At least once a month i get the your making me ill, your killing me. I think we'd be better off not being together get out i never want to see you again. One of us leaves then within hrs or days he acts like nothing has happened. Big hugs to you, i'm here if you need to chat

I am certain as well as everyone else who knows our situation, most give him 6 months or less and it will be the worst decision he has ever made, or he will send me divorce papers

[rocky36]

Originally Posted by rocky36

I am certain as well as everyone else who knows our situation, most give him 6 months or less and it will be the worst decision he has ever made, or he will send me divorce papers

I have an appt at 5:30 and will be leaving soon but if you would like to chat maybe we can do yahoo messenger or get on here somewhere?

[BDPpartner]

somewhere in the tons of info i've read about bpd, it said that one of the most common symptoms is their ability to explode like a volcano and anything from moments to days later they act like it never happened and can not understand why those around them are still angry, hurt and or confused by it. But then months, years later they may bring it back up. This is a common occureance in my house hold. He has kicked me out of his life, never wanted to speak to me again and 2 days later he's texting me like nothing happen and we're still a couple. It's an absolute head f**k but i love him and i'm trying to be understanding because he's unwell

[1984]

been dealing with the same exact thing for nearly 10 years with my gf. we will be doing great, n she is constantly worried about me leaving or cheating. and then she just goes off crazy mad about absolutely nothing, say she just does better alone. sometimes i'm able to talk to her n things are good again till she freaks out again. then after a few times she disapears for a period of time sometimes its a few months n sometimes its a couple years. then she calls or texts and says she misses me, she loves me, and things are really good again. but every time she thinks there is pressure that i may leave or things are getting serious again she freaks. she just got diagnosed a couple weeks ago, n i was told that bpd sufferers have a very hard time with relationship, but i love her n am hoping now that we know what we are dealing with we can learn to deal with it n have a normal healthy relationship. its really rough though, messes with ur head n ur heart big time.

[jess1117]

i go through the same thing with my b/f. he has never kicked me out but constantly tells me hes done with me and is going to leave and i dont support him the way he needs to be supported. and says really nasty things, has never been physical though sometimes i think i would prefer a slap to the face than some of the things he says. after 8 years ive almost reached my limit even though i love him and the man i know he CAN be

[jess1117]

i know exactly how you feel!

[thisismy_username12]

I feel for you! the good times are amazing... the bad are something else!!! stay strong.

[Robu2358]

Originally Posted by BDPpartner

As the title says i'm the non BPD partner in my relationship. I'm on my own with nobody i can turn to after he's had a rage. He's not physically violent and i don't believe he ever will be with me, but his words cut like a knife

It's so difficult to be objective one your own. All the advice for how to deal with one's BPD sufferer says to validate (find something in their made-up crisis to agree or sympathize with) and make it clear one wants to help them, but that is not the most natural thing to do when one feels attacked.
When my wife blows up at something "I've done" (usually simply not understanding her), I spend 70% of my effort trying to stay calm and attempting to not counter her arguments/accusations (which to me are objectively baseless). With the remaining 30% I try to find some supportive thing to say in response that doesn't contradict whatever line she's following, but still expresses my true sympathy for her. It is very difficult, but it helps to think that those afflicted with the disorder are confused and suffering as well, even though they alleviate their suffering by hurting you (often quite insidiously).
Hang in there and try your best not to take it personally (if you've decided the good parts are worth it). I try to think of it as if I'm acting in a play with a really really convincing actor going through a berserk scene and I just have to remember my comforting lines. I don't know if that would work for everyone, but I've had some success at least feeling like I'm protecting myself.
In the end that's what us partners have to remember to do that we often forget. Find a way to keep yourself healthy enough to help your loved one.

I've found the following like rather helpful.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2011/the...lity-disorder/

Best of luck for the best resolution.

[BDPpartner]

Originally Posted by jess1117

i go through the same thing with my b/f. he has never kicked me out but constantly tells me hes done with me and is going to leave and i dont support him the way he needs to be supported. and says really nasty things, has never been physical though sometimes i think i would prefer a slap to the face than some of the things he says. after 8 years ive almost reached my limit even though i love him and the man i know he CAN be

I'm sorry to say but you could almost be describing my life and wow don't they know what to say to really hurt us. I agree sometimes it would be easier to be slapped, the bruise would fade a lot quicker than it takes to heal from the vicious taunts

[jgl1987]

I completly understand where you are coming from. my bf has bpd and one minutes hes up and happy and then it seems like a switch goes off and he is yelling and i cant seem to do anything right. its hard dealing with it and it has put me into depression. i love him and i know its not his fault he has this disorder but he needs to keep up on his meds and relax. you will get thru this im sure.

[2much2give2die]

I just joined this site today.I need help dealing with my husbands rages'.He has never been to a doctor for his behavior but I'm starting to think he has BPD.I agree a slap to the face would heal faster than the words that cut though my heart.And he doesn't understand why I'm hurt.I have got to do some more reading and research.I'm so happy to know there's a chance I'm not just too sensitive or something.He is my only true love and I will never give up on him but I want us to be happy and not feel like I am dying inside from this.I hope the original poster of this is better.I just realized how long ago it was posted.

[channelblocker]

Originally Posted by jess1117

i know exactly how you feel!

i do too. at first i can't figure out what i did that made him explode. when i read the book about BPD, it helps me understand.

[channelblocker]

i know how it feels. it's really hard to deal with BPD.

What is BDP? THis sounds like my Gf. I am trying to figure out what is wrong

[BDPpartner]

Originally Posted by leftlanepassing

What is BDP? THis sounds like my Gf. I am trying to figure out what is wrong

Bpd stands for BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER another name it gets is EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE PERSONALITY DISORDER and can be quite scary when you start research as many 'serious criminals' are said to have personality disorder but there are quite a list of different ones, but the press like to only report half there diagnosis 'sorry off on my own little rant' but the best i can say is that the people i've come across who suffer from bpd see the world differenly to you and I. They project any selfhurt, guilt and blame onto others, you could say for them a crisis (ranting, screaming raging at another and being pretty vile they seem to know what to say to inflict the most pain) is for them like screaming at themself in the mirror. But bpd suffers also have a wonder and loving side too and that's what keeps us partners

[Needs Marital help]

I am in the same situation you are in, and I am trying to evaluate my own marriage with my husband who has BPD. Its not an easy thing to deal with. my husband was diagnosed 3 years ago, after we got married and it has really put a strain on our marriage especially the last year. with Violent mood swings, he was pretty much written on his parents, he hates his job and his life. I just found this website, and it does have a comforting feeling talking to people who are going through the same things that I am going through.

[lostgirl06]

Hi. this is my first day on this forum. What everyone single of you described your partner to be, describes my bf completely. I have only been with him for less than a year, but I started suspecting he has BPD several months ago - after innumerous blow-ups from minor issues and where he will disappear for days giving me the silent treatment - this will be after hours of verbal abuse. If I manage to get him to reply to my texts, I get the most hurtful abuse thrown at me - insults, sarcasm, deliberate provocation, you name it he said it.

Explaining to him equates arguing or fighting with him. He embellishes what happened, conveniently forgetting his role in it, and tells me that I am responsible for every single fight we have had. He takes zero responsibility.

I have asked him repeatedly to see a doctor about this - he insists there is nothing wrong with him. and that I am the psycho - he's called me that too, apart from "stupid", using his ex as a weapon to put me down, etc.

I love him enough to have tolerated this behaviour that occurs twice a month on average, that I am questioning my own sanity.

I am right in the middle of another of those "wars" with him. And I am feeling really heart sick. One part of me tells me that I should run really really far from him, the other part of me is so broken and simply cannot leave.

[lostgirl06]

I have yet to learn to cope with my bf whose behaviour is exactly that of your wife as you have described it. Volcanic explosion over something I said or did, accusations, verbal abuse, etc. The difference is he walks out on me and disappears. I wrote this in a separate post, but I just had to reply to your post because it shocks me how similar his behaviour is. I didn't know what his problem is, I just figured that he has some chemical imbalance or something.

[BDPpartner]

Originally Posted by lostgirl06

Explaining to him equates arguing or fighting with him. He embellishes what happened, conveniently forgetting his role in it, and tells me that I am responsible for every single fight

This sounds just like my partner If I try and discuss/explain my side i'm told i'm twisting everything to blame him. That i'm incapable of taking responsibility for my actions etc but as i'm learning that the person on the recieving end of their anger is taking the suffers self anger and hate. But when they know exactly what to say to inflict the most hurt it's hard to remain understanding and calm. Make sure you take time out for you and spend time with people who boost your self esteem

[Needs Marital help]

I think you can have a relationship with a person who has BPD, but they need to seek help/assistance from doctors and people that they love. I am currently going through this with my husband and it took me a long time to realize it.

[shlump]

I haven't taken the time to read the thread, but I did see the last positive message about it is possible for a relationship with BPD. I don't have all that much experience with BPD, but I think it has temporary states that do surround the person, but I think they remain at the core. I think it may be possible if they are allowed to be seen as who they are within. There will be misunderstandings, we can't all be strong all the time. But you, with or without a therapist, may be able to come up with some guidelines/rules like maybe allow a five minute rant and then alternate between the two of you or decide to put it away for a while?

I wouldn't expect the realtionshi[p to follow what we typically think of as healthy give and take, but the willingness to recognize it as a part and not the whole may lead to developing ways for you both to cope that minimizes the damage. I don't know what your age or life experience is, but I think being a bit older and having dealt with my own issues would make me more open to this.

I wish you the very best of luck

[sherbert]

My boyfriend is on Busiprone, and Cymbalta, & goes to counseling 2x month. He has been on Klonopin. He was in hospital 3 years ago for depression. He has never said he is bipolar, but has said he deals with depression. I am trying to decide whether to stay with him. His mood swings, and I never know what is going to trigger him to get mad at me. When he is happy it is marvelous: great chats, singing, laughing, travel & creative adventures. He demoted me to roommate because I set a boundary about cleaning dog kennels. He threw things, and said I had to ask permission to use household items. Other times when he gets upset, he goes dormant with me only (No talking, no physical contact, no eye contact.) He sees commitment and marriage as an unneeded legal assuage for security. His ex is schizophrenic, and that plays into all. He is my lifetime dream, my 7th grade boyfriend, and the best playmate and friend. I just don't know if the sensitivity factor will ever cease, or if he can make a commitment.
I don't know if I can learn how to cope.
I care about him deeply.