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Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 1 and a half years, are living togeather (my apartment), have all of the same friends (mostly his friends), and our relationship is falling to pieces.

I heasitate to say were even friends at this point. We fight constantly, I keep asking him to get help (my main issue with him right now) and he keeps saying he forgot. In fact he forgets most things I ask him to do, including take his medication out of the house when I'm suicidal.

I want to fix this before I give up, but I'm starting to think about just giving up. I am going to ask him to move out for 2-3 weeks and see if its just the lack of space that's got us at each other throats.

But If I do need to leave him... how do I make this the least painful and best outcome for both of us. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I don't want to leave the friends I have now, and I don't want to stop being friends with him if I can. However his only relationship experience prior is a 3 week relationship and after they broke up he literally didn't leave his bed for 3 or 4 MONTHS, and as a result lost his front four teeth due to not brushing them in that time.

And I don't want that. But I also don't want to hate him, and I'm worried if I stay I will.

[gayleggg]

Sorry you are having such turmoil in your relationship, but it does sound like you need a break at the very least. Unforunately, there is no easy way to ask him to leave and tell him you don't want to be in a relationship with him any more. But how he takes is his responsibility. Just like taking his medication is his responsibility not yours. But when you get right down to it you are responsible for taking care of yourself and sounds like you are not in a safe place yourself. I suggest you seek help for your suicidal thoughts and a therapist could help you decide the best way to let your bf down gentally.

You can't control how your friends are going to react. There are guaranties that they will stick by you or by your would be ex. Hopefully, you can remain friends with him but that is up to him and whether he can stand having you in his life. Good luck to you.

[Thorn Bird]

I would agree with that. There is never an easy way to leave a relationship. But, I think you should explain the stress it is putting you under. It is up to you if you want to suggest a break and be apart for a while. But if you have really made your mind up then it's kinder to just do it calmly and straightforwardly. I wish you every luck and for what it's worth whatever you do - Don't blame yourself!

[Switch]

I talked with him last night and tried to stress that though breaking up is on my mind I want to try and fix our relationship one last time first. He didn't see that anything was wrong and broke down when I brought it up, but it wasn't as bad as usual. I asked him to move to his moms for three weeks, and then we will reassess our relationship. When we do that I think I'm either going to have to end it (if it didn't work) or ask him to stay at his moms and continue to work on our relationship. Idk if that's a little bit manipulative of me but I'm scared of hurting him and I'm scared of seeing people cry (past relationships and very bad experiences).

We'll see how the weeks go. He's leaving on Friday, and we still intend to see each other almost every day and stuff. I tried to cushen the blow a bit with that. That this isn't a break, its a step back to see where we went wrong. But already I'm thinking I'm going to have to end it.

I want to stay friends but idk if that's possible. I don't want to lose the social group we have, because that is my ENTIRE social and support system right now, but they're all his friends originally.

*sigh* break ups are complicated, but this feels like the most complicated ive had to do yet.

If you leave this person and he is attached to you he may refuse to accept the ending of this relationship. You may ask him to leave but he might just stay there. I suggest you look at this link.

Leaving A Partner with Borderline Personalty Disorder-Joe Carver, PhD

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Originally Posted by DylanP

If you leave this person and he is attached to you he may refuse to accept the ending of this relationship. You may ask him to leave but he might just stay there. I suggest you look at this link.

Leaving A Partner with Borderline Personalty Disorder-Joe Carver, PhD

Thanks for the link. I've had experience with that, which is why in the past, even when we first started dating and before I knew he had BPD, I made him swear if we broke up he wouldn't chase me. I had to move across the country for a month, and then to a new neighbourhood and my ex is STILL stalking me. before I did get away from him it took me three tries before he didn't force (yes, force) me to take him back.

So I don't really want to end up in that situation again.

[wisedude]

Well I think you both need help and support. It is definitely a concern if you are becoming suicidal.

Does your partner work or anything?

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No. He's attempting to go back to school for the first time in 8 or so years (collage library tech course), which is over an hour commute each way on public transit, without help for disability or anything. (He's got multiple dx's including bpd, social phobia, add, and depression). So it's kinda a full time job IMHO.

I've come up with a plan that we might still be able to be friends after. He wants to move back in but I told him I'm thinking of ending it for reasons neither of is can control. We agrees to try him moved back in for a week maybe two then reassess as needed, then he'll move back in with his mom. I'm going to break up with him after about a month of that while still showing him I want to support him and if he needs me to back off I will. If I think he needs me to go I will.

I realized that I still love and care for him but that I don't want to be kissed or touched by him or have him around all the time. I can't imagine my life without him in it though. :/

Relationships are confusing.

[embellished]

Rethink your decision,let it be firm-whatever it is.If you decide to leave,stick to it.

I second what Dylan has said.

If you still want to opt out,you will have to go no contact and stay that way.Staying friends gives a BPD a chance to recycle you ie-want you back later so know fully well that this is a strong possibility if you choose to stay friends.

Good luck.

[Switch]

I left him.