[Lonely_90]

I am the non PD in the relationship. I have never been diagnoised with any mental illness, either has he, but Im almost certain he has a PD. We have been in a relationship for 8 months now, and it has been a rollarcoaster, so many loops and turns its making me sick.

We went to High School together and we both liked each other, but until Jan of this year( 5 years after high school) we didnt speak to each other. I was instantly attracted to him, and I guess he was to me. We talked and texted and once we started hanging out, we never missed a day.

I should of known from the very beginning that there was a problem, that something was a little off about him, but my butterflies blocked it all out, as I do in most people, I only saw the good.

The night we first hung out we went to a nightclub, he seemed uninterested in me which confused me, so I went and had fun with my friend and didnt let it ruin my night. Then we learned that someone from the "boy" group had gotten a DUI and went to jail, I asked him about it ( naturally worried) and he brushed it off like he didnt know anything about it. Turns out it was him, he was very embarrassed. Through the whole process I was there, I watched him lay in bed day after day so depressed because of this, and his so called friends did nothing to help him, no support or anything, so i took his hostility as depression.

When we first started talking, he didnt have a proper job, he just did odd jobs like mowing grass and cutting hair, so when a postion opened up where I work I got him a job. He made enough money to pay the DUI money and it now just reckless driving on his record. I thought after all that he would be ok again, after some time. but he's not.

As our relationship grew, so did his "fits". I cry and cry and cry but it dose not help. He screams at me and calls me names, and then 20 min later hes sorry about it. I cannot even look or smile at someone without it being a problem. My pants are to tight. Im not allowed to go outside with my ONE and only friend who happens to be his brothers GF, I walk with my head down, careful not to look at someone to long, even if he isnt around, IM NOT to accept gifts from a male of any kind, If i laugh at a text im instantly cheating, ive deactivated my FB because its causing problems.

I have jealosy issues, I dont want him chatty with other girls, I dont want him doing certain things. BUT he dosnt have to be afraid to be himself. I want to help him.

I KNOW I HAVE CHOSEN THIS, I KNOW I SHOULD RUN FAR AWAY. But i cant, i truely love him with all my heart. He is so sweet and kind, UNTIL he gose into his rages.

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I think I am going off the deep end. I feel crazy, I got so mad I punched my car window a few times, I have never done that ever. I feel so sad and confused. I want to help this man that im in love with, He wants my help, he needs it. But am I making myself crazy in return. Leaving is NOT an option I will not give up on him, until I feel there is no hope left. But I need a safe way to help him. I need to understand what I can do. I need to be ok with him leaving, I need to set boundries, I need to push away when all i wanna do is PULL, I need to not be so anxious when i cannot get a hold of him, I need to learn how to calm him down. I need all of these things, I just dont know where to find them. I dont know how much strengh I have in me, how much fight I have. Im a very emotional person. ( YES I know im co-dependent, Have abandonment issues, Daddy issues, Family Issues, Issues in general) I know that all this begins with me. I hear it everyday, how broken I am, I need someone who truly understands WHY I stay to help me. Most people just tell me to run, so i wont be miserable, I feel either way I will be miserable.

Please HELP me.

[healingme4me]

Sometimes we choose the people, we choose because it's heals old wounds. Not that, new wounds can't form, but the old ones certainly come to light.

You are determined to fix/help/rescue him, in the ideal of love. So, first things first. Why break car windows? Those are expensive to replace and more difficult that most anything else.

I hear you, about walking around, head down, as to not even remotely glance at another man, lest you become accused of being a cheater. btdt. And you've expressed having jealousy tendencies yourself, and now you are with someone super jealous. btdt. This relationship, has a great chance of helping you overcome those jealous tendencies, truth be told.

You probably, don't want to bring that to the table, with your bf. And that would be a god start, as for something about yourself, to work on.

Are either of you, considering counseling, or is that also, not an option?

There are ways, to work on your own reactions, to his rages, as to not feel so emotionally destroyed by them.

No sense, in running, since, to be honest, running doesn't solve much. I'd say, stay, work on yourself, and cross your fingers that he follows your lead.

[Thorn Bird]

You could be talking about my relationship with my partner - he is un diagnosed but I think from everything I have heard and read he is a mixture of BPD/NPD. I would imagine your jealousy had come from the uncertainty and unpredictability in your relationship - the rages, put me downs, belittling, name calling all contribute to stripping us of our self-confidence and that is when trust is lessened and doubts about their fidelity creep in. We know to they are always looking for 'N' supply which might or might not be innocent! I really feel for you you love him as I love my partner and it can be so very good and then out of the blue the rages the' cycle of abuse' and you are thrown again - it really is just like being on a roller coaster - my heart goes out to you - I know how you feel.