Autistic son

Hi everyone, I have also posted this message on the Bipolar board as I was diagnosed with BPII in May this year and on Depakote, Zoloft and Zoplicone (sleeping pill). We have a 10 year old son with autism and a 13 yr old daughter. My son has just had half term holiday for two weeks and he goes back next Thursday so its three almost! I have felt so depressed and exhausted. For years one of us sleeps in with our son as he won't sleep on his own, we have a spare bed in his room. This is terrible for our marriage.

The school is an autism specific one, 49 pupils and has boarding and respite facilities - he stays over for 2 nights every two weekends to give us all a break. He has 4 weeks summer holiday and 2 weeks off again at Easter and in June.

The thing is we have no family support at all, we never had. My son is getting older, I am getting older and unhealthier through caring for him and my husband has so much anger and grief about it all, about my diagnosis too. I am getting psychotherapy, done 7 sessions, its very hard going but I hope it will help me in some way.

Just before I had hypomanic episode in May I was so frantic and wanted my son in a different school with better facilities (more space - he has sensory problems and needs physical educaton to de-stress). But here in the UK its a fight with the education authority (we went down that road 2 years ago and won the fight to get him into this current school). My husband doesnt want him boarding Monday to Friday and I don't think I can convince him. He says he is not sending him away just because I have bipolar - we do this together and be stronger or we go under. I can understand how much he is hurting right now but I am my son's main carer, of course my husband has to work but he does help alot with our son when he's home too.

We are very isolated as a family and our son is very shy. I don't think I am helping my son get a better life because of the way I am - I too am very emotional and sensitive and easily stressed (all BP rolled into one). I don't know how to be another way, like my husband's way I guess.

Sorry this is long and thanks for reading through. I am so heartbroken over my son, I do what I can but its not enough. Some days I want to throw it all in and leave and then I get stronger again. Also felt like going back to work full time just to take my mind off all the pain - work helps me a lot. I do some typing for some people from my home but I don't see anyone during the day. We went to church but stopped going as our daughter didnt like it, I want to go again and will do so.

Anyway enough for now. Its not a good combination BP and autism.