[Odid86]

Hello everyone,

I am new to this site, and here because I am very frustrated and worried about my DBF. I've been looking around the internet to find topics on this matter to understand how SO deal with their depressed partners. However, I haven't yet found any that focus on how to cope if you are in a long distance relationship. This might be pretty long, but I just need to let everything out.

BACKGROUND:
I met my bf in april this year on a social-networking site. We met and fell in love. Quite fast I started to notice some odd things in his behaviour such as getting irritated easily, see everything to be negative, insomnia, insecurity, stress and anxiety. He told me that he was seeing a therapist like 2-3 times a month. I never digged into his personal issues (perhaps I should have, when I think of it now?) I tried to focus on making him feel happy and build up a stable relationship with him. But as you all know, it doesn't come easy. And at times we do fail. So did I!

THE ARGUMENT:
He was here to visit me 2 months ago (we live 3-4 hours apart with public transport) and we had a great weekend. He left home and the following week he started to become very distant from me. It got me worried and I confronted him with it. He told me that he was stressed and didn't feel like talking about it. I insisted and he asked me if I still communicate with my ex (apparently my bf was looking through my phone without my knowledge when he was here). I told him no, because honestly I had more or less forgotten about those random texts my ex had sent to me. That made me a liar and he became furious. Started yelling and blaming me for all sort of things that could never be my fault. He said I couldn't give him anything and that he couldn't be with a liar. This ended up with him saying that I should leave him alone and that he would call me. Somehow I feel he wanted to find some kind of conflict for him to pull back on me and hide himself, because he'd started to commit himself too much, which he couldn't handle. And in the process I hurted him. But I might be wrong?

Anyway, 5 days later after our argument and completely silence, I texted him because I needed to know what was going on. I was very confused, sad and lost. He wrote to me that he was sorry for the way he made me feel, but that he couldn't focus on anything but himself right now. He needed to be alone and fight against his pain alone. He also said that nothing mattered to him right now, but he would call me at one point when he feels better. And he has feelings for me, but he can't handle those and then himself too. But if I thought it was worth waiting for, I should wait cause at the moment he couldn't talk to me without putting all his anger on me. I respected this, and told him I was here for him anytime, any day and that I love him. By this time I was not yet confirmed that it was a depression, I just assumed.

Well, after our texting 5 weeks passed without no communication what so ever. You can imagine my worries. I did contact him during these 5 weeks by messages on phone and FB just reassuring him that I am still there for him and I worry about him, misses him and love him. He never responded to any of these. It just teared me even more up and I really started to lose my mind. It was really hurtful. So I took the chance and called him to ask exactly what was going on and how we could go on from this. He said to me that he felt really depressed and needed alot of space from everything. He'd wanted to call me on several occasions but he just couldn't. However, he was thinking of me and caring for me and he wanted me to be happy and not worry about him. I told him it was very hard not to worry about him and that I felt hurt and lost in all this, but I respected his need for time alone. I told him that I love him and will do anything for him, and that I am right here anytime he needs me. I also told him how I feared of losing him, but he told me not to worry. That he is still right here. He said he saw my messages, but it made him feel bad. I apologized for everything and told him that he shouldn't feel bad about the messages, cause it was a way for me to keep the contact somehow. He said to me over and over again, he would call me. I asked if we could agree on to talk about everything when he felt ready and see where we can go from there. He agreed to it, and I felt somehow more relieved.

No I am sitting here 2 weeks later after our conversation trying to cope. It's been very hard on me and the fear of losing him keeps on hitting me over and over again. I feel really down, and that no one understands what I am going through. Which just irriates me so much that I have to cut of contact with people in order to walk through the pain I am feeling. I try to be strong for him and me because I love him. And I have beliefs that we somehow can make it work at one point. I know it will get better, both with me and him. I am not pushing him or trying to fix him. Because I know that I can't. I am just here patiently waiting for him to get back on his feet. I am such a big worrior and that makes me lose my mind sometimes. For now I mostly have bad days, but not to the extend that I feel depressed. I just feel broken and sad, but still happy somewhere that my love is so strong and patient.

I have enough time for him. I want him to succeed, I want us to succeed together, when time is right. Even if it goes slow. Because he is the love of my life and I want to spend my life with him and build a family with him.

I just need some kind of advice of how to cope, especially now that we're in this LDR situation. Maybe some have experienced the same or something similar? I am currently waiting for an apartment closer to his area, but that takes time too. Guess it's all about time, time. time

Thanks for reading my personal novel