[Maven]

My mother has gone downhill in the last few months, including mentally. The mental thing was quite rapid, in fact, although she's doing better. She talks nonsensically sometimes, but better than she was there for a while. She is 80 and suffers heart, kidney, and breathing problems, plus she's diabetic with COPD. She's been back and forth in the hospital and the physical rehab/nursing home, and it's looking like she's not going to get to go back to her apartment, because she needs two people to look after her.

I can't do a lot because of my severe OCD and panic disorder, but I'm trying to find a place for my mom that she could be relatively happy in. She wants to go home, and she's upset because she bought new furniture not long ago, and then ended up in the hospital. A recent meeting with her, some of the therapists at the rehab, and me, went basically as I expected: She was crying and they were telling her she couldn't just go home. They told her she has a better chance of getting a situation she'd have more freedom in if she does her therapy and gets able to walk again.

She gets irritated easily and thinks people (including my sister and me) don't care, want to put her away and want to control her. I personally believe a person should be able to make their own choices, even if it's detrimental to them, as long as they're able to physically and mentally do so. So, I'm trying to find the best option for her.

One day when I visited her, she asked me about "Clyde." I said, "Clyde?" I have an Uncle Clyde, her brother, but he passed away many years ago. My mom irritatedly replied, "Yeah, you have a father named Clyde, don't you?" and I informed her of my late father's real name and she said, "Oh, well." My sister lives in another state and is in poor health herself, but she calls my mom often and tells me that the conversations are like she's sometimes "there," (mentally) and sometimes not.

I've been doing some research online, but I'm all confused. The apartment she currently lives in (even though she hasn't been in it for about three months) is for the elderly, but she's probably not going to be able to live there anymore, since, as I said, she needs two people to help her. Before her first hospitalization, we'd started to suspect she wasn't taking her medications correctly, and were looking into help then.

Does anyone have any advice or info on housing for the elderly in New Jersey? If possible, I'd prefer a place that isn't owned by a religious church, organization or group, or by a school, either. My OCD has a hard time with things related to religion and schools. And my OCD is struggling with things as it is (and is getting worse), because we took in an injured cat, who likes to go through dusty areas and spread the dust around in her travels, and I love her, but it's really hard. My boyfriend has grown attached to her, though.

I'd appreciate any help. Thanks.