[Smaxie72]

Hi

I was bombarded via a dating site in September, just as my nan was declining in health, my marriage had broken up, I was vulnerable to say the least. I had texts received and sent every ten minutes for two weeks before we met, he moved the goalposts before meeting for the first time, claiming he had had stuff stolen at the airport, lots of red flags, but he convinced me he was genuine. Anyway, to cut a long story short, always not available at the weekends, but would happily walk me around his home town in Germany on the two visits there. I was time managed, he is (so he says) a businessman, with what he tries to portray a great life, travelling the world, dealing with important people and chasing money. He is arrogant, self important and puts over people down and mirrored all my emails, that's when I realised something was really not right. He mentioned that he didn't see his child from the age of 5 until 18 as the mother was not nice and his own mother brought the kid up (another red flag) Lots of other things too, but he really got in my head and projected his delusions on me. It made me crave all the things he wanted, my life seems mundane, I walked away feeling groomed 4 months ago and after a time, went and made contact as I was still intrigued by him as nothing made sense. How the hell do you get them out of your head??

[Thorn Bird]

With great difficulty - there is something very addictive about them and as you say they groom you they are the person you want to be with they mirror you - all to get you hooked. The problems begin after the honeymoon phase and then you begin to see their true colours they become distant, critical, they rage at nothing in particular, blame, project they are emotionally and sometimes physically abuse and you are shocked to the core - where did that man I fell in love with go?! The truth is that man was an illusion he was playing the game to get his 'N' supply! My partner can be so lovely when he is going through the 'good' phase and then will change into this cruel, abusive and raging person - it is something like being with Jekyll and Hyde! It is the good that keeps us hooked - that is my belief and they know just what to say and when to suck us in again!