[tako_kun]

hi all.... i have married for 7 years, after a few years i have learned that my partner has a emotion problems.... (i can't say it is a Borderline because i haven't been able to make her to see a specialist...but throu reading many books and online journals...i think she has probably Borderline's symptoms in her). It's getting hard for me to coup with her.... She hates my parents, my friends, and all my bro's/sist's, for no spesific reason...i feel so isolated... when i asked her, she just say that they had attacked her... all I know so far, yes we sometimes critizes each other...but she always think that every critizm to her is an attack to her...i love her.. and i promised devorce is not an option...
Any some advice for me??

Sincerely,

Atma

[GreyGeist]

Originally Posted by tako_kun

hi all.... i have married for 7 years, after a few years i have learned that my partner has a emotion problems.... (i can't say it is a Borderline because i haven't been able to make her to see a specialist...but throu reading many books and online journals...i think she has probably Borderline's symptoms in her). It's getting hard for me to coup with her.... She hates my parents, my friends, and all my bro's/sist's, for no spesific reason...i feel so isolated... when i asked her, she just say that they had attacked her... all I know so far, yes we sometimes critizes each other...but she always think that every critizm to her is an attack to her...i love her.. and i promised devorce is not an option...
Any some advice for me??

Sincerely,

Atma

I'm sorry to hear things are going so rough for you Atma. I'm engaged to someone with BPD so I think I understand a little of what your going through. In my experience my fiancee hates being judged by others for her actions because to her she doesn't feel normal. Perhaps she feels that your friends and family are judging her? In which case her feeling like she's being attacked makes sense. Instead of giving her criticism try understanding where she's coming from and even if it doesn't make sense to you don't make her feel like her feelings are wrong because no feelings are wrong in my opinion it isn't a sin to have emotions. Once you understand what the real problem is with interacting with family and friends you guys can move forward as a team.It also sounds like you guys need to site down and just talk about your emotions with each other openly. I personally just bite the bullet in this regard if theres something i feel needs to be talked about but preferably when she's not in a foul mood. You have to worry about your well being as well and if you want to be with your wife, healthy communication is key. Be honest and speak from your heart if she loves you she'll listen. As for if she has borderline don't assume anything when it comes to diagnoses, just speak honestly and instead of telling her to get diagnosed try asking her to do some emotional counselling with a therapist or doctor in order to help resolve some emotional trouble she's been having because if you feel isolated odds are she does too.

Anyhow thats my two cents hope things go better for you Atma

[tako_kun]

thanks, two cents is more than enough...i just feel confused.... learning to understand her feeling is very hard....when everytime i see is just a raging person that always blaming me..it feels like, She's standing in the edge of a cliff crying for help, and when I reach her and grab, she just blames me for everything that happened to her in edge of that cliff...She always going mad if I mention about going to a doctor or to the therapist....and now i feel that she dragging me into her isolation zone... I can't see my parent, my friend....

[GreyGeist]

First sorry for the late reply my account stopped working O_o
It sounds like things have gotten fairly bad. Well its not surprising that your being dragged into that zone or at least being effected by it you guys are married and marriage is taking the other persons burdens as your own and working together to find a solution. That being said you have to get past some of your self bias so when you talk to her and try to relate to her feelings you don't just see that raging monster. I also believe that it really isn't fair to you as a person to be forced into a marriage from a promise. I'm not saying that you should give up far from it but if its an obligation keeping you there and not love then you have a problem. She needs to understand what your feeling and know that you want to understand and are sympathetic to hers, that way you guys can get some of the issues that have been festering resolved. Couples counselling may be one way to get a professional look at your situation. Anyway I hope you all the best and good luck my friend.

[Thorn Bird]

Originally Posted by tako_kun

hi all.... i have married for 7 years, after a few years i have learned that my partner has a emotion problems.... (i can't say it is a Borderline because i haven't been able to make her to see a specialist...but throu reading many books and online journals...i think she has probably Borderline's symptoms in her). It's getting hard for me to coup with her.... She hates my parents, my friends, and all my bro's/sist's, for no spesific reason...i feel so isolated... when i asked her, she just say that they had attacked her... all I know so far, yes we sometimes critizes each other...but she always think that every critizm to her is an attack to her...i love her.. and i promised devorce is not an option...
Any some advice for me??

Sincerely,

Atma

She could be borderline or NPD or a mixture of both but you haven't listed many traits NPD's hate to be critized at all borderlines often feel empty inside - they have a void they need to continually fill - they get bored easily and they need lots of praise to make themselves fee good about themselves. Try and think of all the traits that she has and list them - it might be easier to see what it is she is suffering from - and as you say without seeking professional help - it is a little bit of guess work unless it is so obvious it stares you in the face! and good luck