[Vorcha]

I've been reading the forums for some time, and I have read some of the heartwarming/heartbreaking posts by members here. I've never yet though felt the need to post until now. Part of it has been embarrassment at letting this out into the open. The other part has been the understanding that my story pales into comparison with what I've seen others going through. That being said though, I am grasping at straws at this point, and if posting here helps it will be worth it.

I'm in my late 30's, father of 4 (14, 10, 6, 5) and I serve in upper management at a fairly large company. My wife is a professional as well (she has her doctorate and teaches college). We have been together now for almost 18 years now. From the outside, we would have what's called the American dream. Where things fall apart is what goes on beyond the eyes of others.

My wife suffers (she has been clinically diagnosed with all disorders and is currently in treatment) from: Bulimia, OCD, Depression and HPD (Histrionic Personality Disorder) pointed generally towards medical issues. All of this though is hidden directly from others, as she has never told anyone that she's under treatment for the mental disorders.

Our entire relationship, I have been the stable one, the rock and the caregiver. I knew that going into the relationship, so it's not like I was caught off-guard, etc. I have always handled the household chores, take the kids to functions, coach, help with homework, take kids to/from school, etc.

I am finding though as time is going on, I am starting to be unable to find myself getting towards what I can describe as the edge and I don't like that feeling. The best way to describe it is I am burned out. I am tired of almost single handedly raising 4 children, running a household, working a full time job and being a caregiver to my wife.

The straw that broke the camels back was an event yesterday. My wife just recently underwent surgery (a minor laproscopic procedure). For anyone who know's anyone with HPD, this is a cause for them to develop a 3-ring circus of people around them for attention. I get it, I can deal with that part, it's old news. But, while I was cooking for everyone (12 guests) for my wife's "celebratory" dinner at being okay, one of her minor friends inadvertently set me off. She said to me "Are you sure you can handle this? I know with your wife not helping you won't be able to handle running this household without her. You are just a guy, and without your wife to handle things I know you will be lost." I generally can take things like that and shrug them off in order to keep the peace. I wasn't able to last night. I ended up raising my voice at the lady and caused quite a scene by telling her excatly what it is I do around the house. I inadvertently let her circle of friends know a lot of what goes on behind the scenes.

Due to my outburst, I am now in real trouble with my wife. I took the attention away from her time and made her look bad in front of her friends.

I'm tired from having to continue to be the rock, and the caregiver and living a lie. I'm angry because I don't want to live like this anymore, and angry at my wife. I'm feeling guilty because I know so many people have it so much worse then I do, so I shouldn't let it get to me. I'm also feeling guilty because I do know that a person suffering from mental illness doesn't understand a lot of times that the things they are doing are wrong, etc. My wife is in therapy and trying to overcome her issues, it's not like she's a monster; nor it's not like she's evil, etc.

Sorry for writing so long, but I had to get this off my chest. I'm hoping through interacting with others, I may learn some additional skills, etc to help me cope with things better.

Thank You.

[Victoria'smom]

my story pales into comparison with what I've seen others going through. No it doesn't. Your understandably overwhelmed and stressed.


Is it possible for your kids to go to an after-school program that helps them with their homework?


Or a house cleaner 2x a week?


I really think you need to take some things off your plate. You need to start delegating some of the responsibility. Can you trust your wife to get the kids to and from school and functions?


Has she tried schema therapy?