[Jonwade99]

I will tell you my story now and I hope you won't judge me.
I moved in the US in 2011 and I was happy, everything was fine except I felt very lonely here.
I am still confused around what I can remember, still looking for explanations and what was wrong.
I don't even know if she is a N/P/S, today I cry and can't stop remembering the events.

I was travelling a lot and all began in 2012, I met her and she was with someone at that time but I didn't know.
Quickly we had good conversations and we really enjoyed spending time together but I was not looking for anything else than a friend as I knew she was with someone. But she kissed me one night and everything changed, I began to hope for something.
After that, we had very good time together, laughing and talking about many things but we had the first incident. She told me something and I got mad. She began to cry, told me I was a bad person, that she was about to marry to his boyfriend but decided to stop it for me only. She talked to a guy at the bar who was a friend of her and he gave her a ride home. I tried to stop her to have a discussion and hold the door but she started to scream: "get off !!!!!!". That was incident #1.

The day after I was devastated, and had no news from her during 5 days. After 5 days I got an email from her, she told me "I don't know what happened, i did nothing wrong". I was happy to have some news and it made me feel very good. We talked about the incident and she told me she got mad because her ex-bf abused her physically and she got all those memories back in her mind when I grabbed her arm. But I don't remember I did that, it is still in my brain and I don't remember I touched her that night. I will never know.

We spent good time together and finally my company moved me to another location.
I used to stalk her FB profile and I saw this picture she put where she was hanging with the man who gave her a ride. Shortly after the picture was cropped and we could see only her face and not the guy. She showed the picture to me and I asked her where she took it and she replied "when I was out of state with my parents. But I knew that was a lie.
She proposed me a dinner and to be friends on FB. Just before the last day she got it very blurry if the dinner would happen. I asked her why. After several very aggressive emails from me, she told me I was creating too much drama for no reason, she had an ex she met in the past in the same conditions as she met me. They were really close and it went really mad because the guy was a liar and lied about everything, she lost one of her best friends and she still thinks about this incident when I grabbed her arm. I told her I am not this guy and I would never hurt her and never did in the past with anyone. We had another argument by email, I asked her who was the guy who gave her a ride. She told me nothing happened and got mad at me because I was too jealous and insecure, she gave me no news during three days. I was angry but finally decided to email her "Can we talk ?". She replied: "we can talk tomorrow but I see you don't miss me that much, you already moved to someone else". What !!!! I just talked to another girl who is a friend of her, what is she talking about ? i did nothing wrong !

Whatever, company moved me to another city, I was sad it was the end but we kept emailing a lot.
After moving we kept emailing a lot. She told me the incident was over and she was missing me a lot. She was really nice to me, called me and told me I was the best man she ever met in her life. I was so happy and missing her a lot so I decided to book a hotel room and visit her one day. I did it several times, we had some discussions about the guy who gave her a ride the night we had this drama, but she told me he was just a friend of her.
One week I drove and told her I want to stop, I can't do it anymore, and she gave me a cold "ok, do whatever that makes you happy". What the heck, I was mad: she was leaving like this, just a short email telling me to do whatever I want ???
I talked to her and after several discussions she told me "You don't want me because I can't be pregnant and I have no money". That was really not the case at all so I replied back I want to live with her. She began to cry and told me she wants to move in my apartment and get engaged. I was ready for it. She talked about vacation together and many things she was ready just to get out of her ****** life. I did a couple of other visits and I was really happy despite the distance. i just wanted to see her as much as I could and I helped her out of her rent giving her some money. My work wasn't going really good, I was too busy emailing her and giving news.

The big drama came when I had a breakfast with her. Everything was nice and she was completely drunk. She was sitting in front of me and strange thing is that I saw her phone, she texted her ex proposing a shower at home. I never knew where she was living and she proposed him a shower at home, to this abusive guy she lived with in the past ! She was telling me at the same time I was the best man she ever met. After the continued to text him but she was hiding the screen. weird...
I drove back home and I texted her. She just told me a lot of different explanations, it was to remember the past, then she feels alone, then it was a test and she deleted he text messages. I challenged her version and she told me to F** off and didn't answer my calls, emails, ... during three days. I emailed her later and she told me "ok let's meet again".

Then one week I visited her for two days, got my hotel nights and I was looking to hang out with her, helping her with errands and many things. But she simply didn't reply to my calls and emails and I spent only a couple of hours at the restaurant with her. I was really angry and not getting why I was doing those efforts but I was afraid losing her. I drove back and asked her why she keeps FB and home so secret to me ? i had to insist, 5 emails, and she told me because I am too insecure FB would give a good reason for me to get jealous and home is out of reach for anyone except her best friends. I was angry and sad and started to learn the PF book. I decided to challenge her and play her own game doing silent treatment. Everything on this forum was so close to her behavior: "I miss you", "I do care" repeated so many times.

One day I visited her and she told me she was going to sleep and would have her alarm on to have lunch at 12.
At 1 pm I called her 5 times, voicemail, and decided to leave. I got a call and 3 texts: "sorry I didn't hear my phone, i should have given you my address so that you could knock". What ? Her address was a secret to me for so long !

Time flies and I am still focusing on the events, the discussions, the lies, everything was so confusing. She started to back off, the reason was the risk I would go back to my country and finally she didn't want to be with a jealous guy, I need to prove her I can make her happy and stop acting like that. I told her how sad I was but she never took care of it, as if nothing happened.
I visited her once again and I was ready to tell her that I want to stop, emails were less and going into drama too many times. I didn't know what she was doing, no news during three days sometimes. I was very depressed, and always the same answer: "I am not with anyone and I am fed up you don't trust me !". During three days I had no news from her, nothing and she forgot my birthday. I was really sad and told her. Her reply was "I never forgot your birth date !". I was feeling like losing her but she told me not to worry, go baby steps and keep it easy and positive.

I decided to move on and met another girl. i told her about this new girl, we went into drama as she told me "that's too bad you gave up" and finally I decided to stay single, I was not ready for a new relationship.

Then I took a look at her FB profile and saw a new friend. I checked his profile and I saw it: he was on her bed kissing her on her cheek, he was bragging being with her and posted a lot of things. I emailed her and she told me first he was a very old friend, she swore on her life, then and then "goodbye". I replied back "goodbye" and she told me "you will lose something really great". Then we had several discussions and I wanted to make her feel ok, but I wasn't. This man was a kid, he had no job, no money, still living with his parents, a waste ! I don't understand, I am a good man, I am physically in good shape and I have a very good job, I felt offended. One day she told me "I am watching this movie alone" and at the same time this kid posted "Watching movie with her" tagging her name and the movie. Two weeks later he posted on his wall he was having too many arguments with her and decided to stay single. Weird... she blocked me on FB and removed a lot of information on her profile.
There were no emails anymore, officially phone was shut off but I was able to reach her voicemail and saw several activity updates on her profile. Officially she did it from a friends home laptop, no idea if it was true or lies.

I visited her a very last time and talked to her two weeks ago. We spent good time together and we talked about next steps. She told me she doesn't want dinners and emails because it was creating too much of drama.
I said "oh ok and when am I supposed to go back to at least dinners and emails".
She replied: "maybe one month, it all depends if we are good or not".
I began to tell her what she was using was manipulation techniques:
- This is called emotional blackmail.
- See, I tell you something is wrong when you say you don't want emails as all people would say and you just blame me for that or change topic. We call it diversion.
- See you change the timeline, I dated the girl after you backed off for no logical reason and cheating on me but you say it was before. This is called gas lighting.
She told me I should stop reading books.
I told her I decided to stop it, this relationship/friendship boat moving all the time was not making me happy. I told her this was the last night I spent with her. I gave her a big hug telling her I can't continue waiting and begging, I need clear answers and explanations. She cried telling me it was hurting her feelings and that was too bad I was killing such a great friendship for a new GF. She told me I decided to back off when I dated this girl and that was the reason why she got mad at me. I just left like that...
After I left I came back and she has decided to not email me anymore because it creates too much drama.

Today I am really hurt, I can't stop thinking of her, can't close my eyes without seeing her face.
I just can't understand if I have been in a game, if the tears were fake how can she do it ? I am a wreck, I cry a lot and I don't want to do anything anymore. I am so sad... please help me

[Mattmx]

Honestly, if she's done all these horrible things to you why are you upset and still trying to hang onto her?

You deserve much better xxxx the right woman is out there

[Mattmx]

Originally Posted by muaythailady88

You deserve much better xxxx the right woman is out there

How do you know this lady doesn't have deep emotional scars that are causing her problems, or an unknown situation.

I have problems. I don't go round cheating though.

I have emotional scars to say the ducking least but I don't go round cheating and lying x

There is no excuse for cheating.

[Mattmx]

Everyone handles things differently. I'm not saying cheating is right, but you don't even know this person at all. I'm more curious why someone would be inclined to stay with someone who treats them horribly.

The lady might be a survivor of unresolved traumas from her past.

Until she gets serious professional help for this, she will continue to gravitate towards those kinds of relationships instead of healthy ones. With that being said, unless you want to contend with a lot of drama and trauma, it's best to let this person go with love.

It's sad when we fall in love with people who are so hurt from past wounds that they don't know how to treat themselves well, but until she learns to treat herself well, don't expect her to treat you well either.

If you still decide to hang on, then consider yourself forewarned ... It's going to be a rough and bumpy ride until she gets better - IF she gets better at all.

She's probably doing the best she knows how ... Just make sure this is what you want if you plan on continuing to pursue the relationship, because that's all you're gonna get until she's in a healthier place with herself first.

Sincerely,
Pfrog!

Originally Posted by Mattmx

Everyone handles things differently. I'm not saying cheating is right, but you don't even know this person at all. I'm more curious why someone would be inclined to stay with someone who treats them horribly.

True that. I take it back but it's triggered off my upset since it's how my ex treated me and it brings painful memories x

[Mattmx]

Originally Posted by muaythailady88

True that. I take it back but it's triggered off my upset since it's how my ex treated me and it brings painful memories x

Yeah I can understand that, I feel like this topic should be moved to an appropriate forum though not the NPD section of the site

Yeah x true as it's not diagnosed. X

[Mattmx]

Originally Posted by muaythailady88

Yeah x true as it's not diagnosed. X

Not only that but I believe this is a place for people with NPD mainly, not those around them. That'd be in the relationships section of the site!

Yep x I duno why am here I suffer borderline not narcissm xx

[Thorn Bird]

Originally Posted by muaythailady88

True that. I take it back but it's triggered off my upset since it's how my ex treated me and it brings painful memories x

It is difficult to tell if this lady has NPD if you check conditions on this site I think you should find a list of traits or at least some information which might help you to determine if she is NPD. However, she has lied and cheated and hurt you and I feel so sorry for that I understand how that feels. Whatever the outcome it sounds as if you deserve better. Your heart will heal in time but it is the most painful thing to go through and I wish you lots of love

[StrongerMan]

This is not an npd only section. Regardless, I believe the focus should be on behaviors and not any one diagnosis. If a person is treating you poorly and doesn't want to listen to you or change, there are only so many attempts you can make before the bad behavior becomes crazy making and negatively affects you. Life is too short to waste time on abusive people. Find someone who can handle emotions maturely.

[Thorn Bird]

Originally Posted by StrongerMan

This is not an npd only section. Regardless, I believe the focus should be on behaviors and not any one diagnosis. If a person is treating you poorly and doesn't want to listen to you or change, there are only so many attempts you can make before the bad behavior becomes crazy making and negatively affects you. Life is too short to waste time on abusive people. Find someone who can handle emotions maturely.

This site is for people who have partners with personality disorders - you are perfectly right to use this section

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by StrongerMan

This is not an npd only section. Regardless, I believe the focus should be on behaviors and not any one diagnosis. If a person is treating you poorly and doesn't want to listen to you or change, there are only so many attempts you can make before the bad behavior becomes crazy making and negatively affects you. Life is too short to waste time on abusive people. Find someone who can handle emotions maturely.

This thread was first started in the NPD section and was then moved to this part of the forum so that it would be somewhere more appropriate

[Thorn Bird]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

This thread was first started in the NPD section and was then moved to this part of the forum so that it would be somewhere more appropriate

Yes I just realised that - thank you

[NPDtarget4life]

Jonwade, RUN!!! RUN AWAY FROM THAT AS FAST AS YOU CAN & DON'T EVER, EVER LOOK BACK!!! Step out & look in... Can you find a single thing about this person that is genuine? This is the time that you need to be honest with yourself.
I've been suffering the wrath of my ex with NPD for years. & let me tell you, once you're able to finally find the smallest piece of self worth that might still be fighting for survival somewhere inside of your beaten-down-to-a-pulp psyche, and you attempt to stand your ground, or worse, expose the NPD to those who are currently being swindled by this sociopath, you will have only accomplished making your life even more miserable and in most cases, more dangerous. You're essentially giving yourself the death sentence that will haunt you for the rest of your life.
DO YOURSELF, YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS, ACQUAINTANCES & COWORKERS, BANK ACCOUNT, CREDIT SCORE (ANYTHING OR ANYONE THAT MATTER EVEN THE LEAST LITTLE BIT TO YOU) A FAVOR AND FORGET THIS SOUL-LESS INDIVIDUAL EVER EVEN EXISTED. AND NEVER, EVER TURN BACK. Please, please, please listen to what I'm saying. Plz.............

Originally Posted by Jonwade99

I will tell you my story now and I hope you won't judge me.
I moved in the US in 2011 and I was happy, everything was fine except I felt very lonely here.
I am still confused around what I can remember, still looking for explanations and what was wrong.
I don't even know if she is a N/P/S, today I cry and can't stop remembering the events.

I was travelling a lot and all began in 2012, I met her and she was with someone at that time but I didn't know.
Quickly we had good conversations and we really enjoyed spending time together but I was not looking for anything else than a friend as I knew she was with someone. But she kissed me one night and everything changed, I began to hope for something.
After that, we had very good time together, laughing and talking about many things but we had the first incident. She told me something and I got mad. She began to cry, told me I was a bad person, that she was about to marry to his boyfriend but decided to stop it for me only. She talked to a guy at the bar who was a friend of her and he gave her a ride home. I tried to stop her to have a discussion and hold the door but she started to scream: "get off !!!!!!". That was incident #1.

The day after I was devastated, and had no news from her during 5 days. After 5 days I got an email from her, she told me "I don't know what happened, i did nothing wrong". I was happy to have some news and it made me feel very good. We talked about the incident and she told me she got mad because her ex-bf abused her physically and she got all those memories back in her mind when I grabbed her arm. But I don't remember I did that, it is still in my brain and I don't remember I touched her that night. I will never know.

We spent good time together and finally my company moved me to another location.
I used to stalk her FB profile and I saw this picture she put where she was hanging with the man who gave her a ride. Shortly after the picture was cropped and we could see only her face and not the guy. She showed the picture to me and I asked her where she took it and she replied "when I was out of state with my parents. But I knew that was a lie.
She proposed me a dinner and to be friends on FB. Just before the last day she got it very blurry if the dinner would happen. I asked her why. After several very aggressive emails from me, she told me I was creating too much drama for no reason, she had an ex she met in the past in the same conditions as she met me. They were really close and it went really mad because the guy was a liar and lied about everything, she lost one of her best friends and she still thinks about this incident when I grabbed her arm. I told her I am not this guy and I would never hurt her and never did in the past with anyone. We had another argument by email, I asked her who was the guy who gave her a ride. She told me nothing happened and got mad at me because I was too jealous and insecure, she gave me no news during three days. I was angry but finally decided to email her "Can we talk ?". She replied: "we can talk tomorrow but I see you don't miss me that much, you already moved to someone else". What !!!! I just talked to another girl who is a friend of her, what is she talking about ? i did nothing wrong !

Whatever, company moved me to another city, I was sad it was the end but we kept emailing a lot.
After moving we kept emailing a lot. She told me the incident was over and she was missing me a lot. She was really nice to me, called me and told me I was the best man she ever met in her life. I was so happy and missing her a lot so I decided to book a hotel room and visit her one day. I did it several times, we had some discussions about the guy who gave her a ride the night we had this drama, but she told me he was just a friend of her.
One week I drove and told her I want to stop, I can't do it anymore, and she gave me a cold "ok, do whatever that makes you happy". What the heck, I was mad: she was leaving like this, just a short email telling me to do whatever I want ???
I talked to her and after several discussions she told me "You don't want me because I can't be pregnant and I have no money". That was really not the case at all so I replied back I want to live with her. She began to cry and told me she wants to move in my apartment and get engaged. I was ready for it. She talked about vacation together and many things she was ready just to get out of her ****** life. I did a couple of other visits and I was really happy despite the distance. i just wanted to see her as much as I could and I helped her out of her rent giving her some money. My work wasn't going really good, I was too busy emailing her and giving news.

The big drama came when I had a breakfast with her. Everything was nice and she was completely drunk. She was sitting in front of me and strange thing is that I saw her phone, she texted her ex proposing a shower at home. I never knew where she was living and she proposed him a shower at home, to this abusive guy she lived with in the past ! She was telling me at the same time I was the best man she ever met. After the continued to text him but she was hiding the screen. weird...
I drove back home and I texted her. She just told me a lot of different explanations, it was to remember the past, then she feels alone, then it was a test and she deleted he text messages. I challenged her version and she told me to F** off and didn't answer my calls, emails, ... during three days. I emailed her later and she told me "ok let's meet again".

Then one week I visited her for two days, got my hotel nights and I was looking to hang out with her, helping her with errands and many things. But she simply didn't reply to my calls and emails and I spent only a couple of hours at the restaurant with her. I was really angry and not getting why I was doing those efforts but I was afraid losing her. I drove back and asked her why she keeps FB and home so secret to me ? i had to insist, 5 emails, and she told me because I am too insecure FB would give a good reason for me to get jealous and home is out of reach for anyone except her best friends. I was angry and sad and started to learn the PF book. I decided to challenge her and play her own game doing silent treatment. Everything on this forum was so close to her behavior: "I miss you", "I do care" repeated so many times.

One day I visited her and she told me she was going to sleep and would have her alarm on to have lunch at 12.
At 1 pm I called her 5 times, voicemail, and decided to leave. I got a call and 3 texts: "sorry I didn't hear my phone, i should have given you my address so that you could knock". What ? Her address was a secret to me for so long !

Time flies and I am still focusing on the events, the discussions, the lies, everything was so confusing. She started to back off, the reason was the risk I would go back to my country and finally she didn't want to be with a jealous guy, I need to prove her I can make her happy and stop acting like that. I told her how sad I was but she never took care of it, as if nothing happened.
I visited her once again and I was ready to tell her that I want to stop, emails were less and going into drama too many times. I didn't know what she was doing, no news during three days sometimes. I was very depressed, and always the same answer: "I am not with anyone and I am fed up you don't trust me !". During three days I had no news from her, nothing and she forgot my birthday. I was really sad and told her. Her reply was "I never forgot your birth date !". I was feeling like losing her but she told me not to worry, go baby steps and keep it easy and positive.

I decided to move on and met another girl. i told her about this new girl, we went into drama as she told me "that's too bad you gave up" and finally I decided to stay single, I was not ready for a new relationship.

Then I took a look at her FB profile and saw a new friend. I checked his profile and I saw it: he was on her bed kissing her on her cheek, he was bragging being with her and posted a lot of things. I emailed her and she told me first he was a very old friend, she swore on her life, then and then "goodbye". I replied back "goodbye" and she told me "you will lose something really great". Then we had several discussions and I wanted to make her feel ok, but I wasn't. This man was a kid, he had no job, no money, still living with his parents, a waste ! I don't understand, I am a good man, I am physically in good shape and I have a very good job, I felt offended. One day she told me "I am watching this movie alone" and at the same time this kid posted "Watching movie with her" tagging her name and the movie. Two weeks later he posted on his wall he was having too many arguments with her and decided to stay single. Weird... she blocked me on FB and removed a lot of information on her profile.
There were no emails anymore, officially phone was shut off but I was able to reach her voicemail and saw several activity updates on her profile. Officially she did it from a friends home laptop, no idea if it was true or lies.

I visited her a very last time and talked to her two weeks ago. We spent good time together and we talked about next steps. She told me she doesn't want dinners and emails because it was creating too much of drama.
I said "oh ok and when am I supposed to go back to at least dinners and emails".
She replied: "maybe one month, it all depends if we are good or not".
I began to tell her what she was using was manipulation techniques:
- This is called emotional blackmail.
- See, I tell you something is wrong when you say you don't want emails as all people would say and you just blame me for that or change topic. We call it diversion.
- See you change the timeline, I dated the girl after you backed off for no logical reason and cheating on me but you say it was before. This is called gas lighting.
She told me I should stop reading books.
I told her I decided to stop it, this relationship/friendship boat moving all the time was not making me happy. I told her this was the last night I spent with her. I gave her a big hug telling her I can't continue waiting and begging, I need clear answers and explanations. She cried telling me it was hurting her feelings and that was too bad I was killing such a great friendship for a new GF. She told me I decided to back off when I dated this girl and that was the reason why she got mad at me. I just left like that...
After I left I came back and she has decided to not email me anymore because it creates too much drama.

Today I am really hurt, I can't stop thinking of her, can't close my eyes without seeing her face.
I just can't understand if I have been in a game, if the tears were fake how can she do it ? I am a wreck, I cry a lot and I don't want to do anything anymore. I am so sad... please help me

[waiting4]

Yeahhhhhhh well, after being involved with a NPD for a number of years, I'm not convinced the gf is NPD...in fact she seems a lot more HPD than NPD (although there is sometimes overlap).

In any case, I agree with the posters who question your reasons for wanted to get back involved with her. Drama can be addictive but is that really what you want in your life?