[alexh997]

3 months ago I met a girl who I instantly clicked with. Smart, confident and showed a clear interest in me and was quite full on. Text & sent me pictures of herself countless times daily. I was reserved at the beginning because I had just come out of a long term relationship and was worried about getting involved too soon.

We met, had a few dates, kissed and held hands (initiated by herself). I then noticed a change in her attitude around the time she thought I was seeing her and I didn't make plans to. Her messages were short and blunt and gave me the silent treatment. When prompted if I had upset her she said no and that she was busy and that she didn't like talking about her feelings. I didnt think much of it but since then she's demonstrated elements of a passive aggressive personality (not turning up to an agreed date, problems with a co-worker ending up with her moving offices, short sharp answers, lack of communication and then saying its because shes busy etc etc), ultimately I asked her about our situation because I was getting confused.

It resulted in a hurtful (to me) email saying that she felt things were going too fast, when people ask about her feelings she tends to push them away even though everything up till that point was primarily initiated by herself (kissing, holding hands) and the change in attitude prompted me to ask her about us. She's been stressed with work with a promotion and it ended up with her saying she couldn't deal with our situation until after her promotion which was 2 weeks away as that was more important.

It's left me kind of in limbo really and I dont know what to do. I haven't contacted her for 4 days as I thought its best to let her contact me when she feels right.

My question is, do passive aggressive people push people away for good or do they calm down once their situations are better and contact those they've pushed away? I'm happy to wait as I really like this girl and if she opens up I'll work with her through this but its pointless me waiting if she's moved on (because shes scared of getting close) and is unable to communicate this to me.

When you say she thought you were seeing her, do you mean she thought you had plans? It sounds that way but I wanted to make sure so I really understand what's going on. I'm sorry to say, it honestly seems like this isn't a priority to her right now. This shows through telling you she has to deal with her job. I only say that since she gave the two week timeline. For the most part, aside from her telling you that, she really doesn't seem like the type to communicate and we know how important that is. As you know, how else are you supposed to understand what's going on? Since she won't speak up your best move is to clearly tell her that even though you're unsure of what she wants, you're willing to give her the space she needs and are willing to wait until she's ready to talk. This way she can't think you're ignoring or want nothing to do with her.

[alexh997]

Originally Posted by herpoorsoul

When you say she thought you were seeing her, do you mean she thought you had plans? It sounds that way but I wanted to make sure so I really understand what's going on.

I saw her on the Tuesday, had a great evening but I was away for work until the Friday night. We kept in contact all week but by the time Friday came around, she asked me what I was doing and I said I was staying at my brothers over night friday as I didn't leave work until late and didn't fancy the commute back in traffic. She then said "it's a shame you didn't come back tonight...." and it suddenly dawned on me that maybe she was expecting to see me, so I said "don't tell me I could have seen you tonight?" and she said " I won't then.". It was at this point she went silent on me for a couple of days with brief blunt responses. This was the first time I noticed a change in her personality.

There are various other quirks / things that she did which just don't add up. She's full on with me when I'm reserved and holding back, telling me she's a great listener and here for cuddles if she needs me, I then let my guard down and open up then I feel she closes the door and leaves me in limbo. I've had a tough 12 months with my ex so the last thing I needed was further confusion which I explained to her before we first met up to give her the option of wanting to see me. She told me she wasn't put off by it.

Originally Posted by herpoorsoul

I'm sorry to say, it honestly seems like this isn't a priority to her right now. This shows through telling you she has to deal with her job. I only say that since she gave the two week timeline. For the most part, aside from her telling you that, she really doesn't seem like the type to communicate and we know how important that is. As you know, how else are you supposed to understand what's going on? Since she won't speak up your best move is to clearly tell her that even though you're unsure of what she wants, you're willing to give her the space she needs and are willing to wait until she's ready to talk. This way she can't think you're ignoring or want nothing to do with her.

I agree with you, I don't think whatever we have is a priority for her at the moment and it maybe her job and the added stress which has caused it, but going from messaging each other daily (8/9 times a day) for the past 3 months then cryptically not telling me when she can see me again, cancelling a meet up at the last minute and then claiming things are going too fast when she initiated everything kind of messes with my head.

The last message I sent basically said I understood her job was important and she needed to focus and that I wanted to remain friends regardless. She did tell me she struggles with her emotions and letting people in unless she feels connected - I don't want to throw away what we started but I feel in limbo at the moment - do I move on or wait for her > Giving her space is fine but if she has no intention to let me in I could be waiting around for nothing.

I'll just wait and see. Thanks for the response though.

Sorry to hear "/ More than glad to help though...