[vicky05]

I'm very new to the forum support group and forums in general. Not sure where to start but I will try and summarize. I have been married to my husband for 9 years now, we have had our ups and downs like many marriages. We have 3 beautiful kids that we love dearly. In the last several months me and my husband have what I thought rekindled not only our love for each other but as well as how to be a family and support each other. Memorial day weekend for example we went camping and everything g went smoothly despite the rain and one of the kiddos getting sick. We decided to leave early and get her home. The following day we had a disagreement and I should have said something then but didn't so I asked the next day. I knee I was in the wrong so I apologized and then all of a sudden it turned in an argument that lasted 3 days over nothing and then when we finally talked more he said he wasn't happy. Well as this came to a complete shock to me I didn't know what to think or how to act of course. So again when we talked after he had gone out one night and he said he didn't k own what he wanted but at the end of this conversation he decided this (our relationship) wasn't what he wanted, which completely tore me apart.
So I sucked it up and tried to keep th e pain and tears to myself not successfully I'll add. After about 3 days I told him I loved him and I would do anything I could yo help him and I told him I didn't understand when a couple of weeks he gave me the sweetest mothers day card saying how much he loved me. And that marriages are hard enough and whatever he is going thru I want to help him together and do whatever I could the idea of him having depression came up and he should consider talking to someone and he said maybe...alot was said needless to say the next day we shared a nice intimate night since the kids where not home and the next day he was back at seemingly bothered or upset but when I asked he said no so I let him be.. well I'm looking for help now, I don't know how to help him but deep down as his wife I feel I should do whatever I can want to believe whatever is going on isn't just me. I want my husband back. I have read articles saying to try to get him to see someone but I'm unsure of how? I really don't know what to say except help? If he doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me then I guess ok but I think there's more to it. He admitted to just feeling nothing so I know there's a lot he is suffering thru and it hurts me that he is going thru this so I just want to help him how I should as his wife.
Please anyone

[Travelinglady]

Hello, vicky05, and welcome to Psych Central! Alas, we can not force an adult into therapy, and if we do, then the person is not likely to be willing to really work at it and get better.

I suggest you see about getting some therapy yourself, to have some support and give you some space. It's hard to know what's going on with your husband, but maybe time will help.

Hello Vicky05: I hope things have improved since you posted this. Travelinglady is correct. We can't force a person into therapy. If your husband is completely averse to the idea, there may not be much you can do. On the other hand, perhaps he just needs a "nudge". You'll have to be the judge of this. It can be tricky territory. But, if you think he would be receptive, you could put together a short list of possible therapists he might call. If he doesn't want to do individual therapy, perhaps a men's group might be of interest to him, assuming something like that exists where you live.

I'm an older man now. But I recall how resistant I would have been to participating in therapy when I was young. It can be difficult to get through to young men. If nothing else, perhaps he would be interested in some type of on-line experience. There are various things available. Good luck with this. I very much respect your heartfelt desire to make your marriage work!

[vicky05]

Thanks guys. It's helped reading some of these post as well as the replies I have received. He is doing much better he is back to the way he used to be. And I couldn't be more greatful. I did have to back off from being the "why tell me why" I tried my best to not be quick to anger and to be his friend. But of course as his wife it still hurt and still made th e emotional roller coaster very difficult. I have asked him periodically if he is ok. And if he is happy or if we are? And he says yes. So maybe I should just drop it all? I know the chances or for going back to that can be pretty normal I guess. I guess what I never mentioned is that me, myself have been a victim of depression, anxiety and even had those suicidal thoughts. I have had the "happy" pill I have talked and sometimes if just takes a step looking from the outside to relalize. It's hard. Very. So I sympathize and I want him to b happy genuinely of course. Especially if it's that serious I know denial doesn't help. I'm very greatful I found a community that can encourage. As well as she'd light on the fact that u don't have to b alone