[maliceubx]

I'm having and have been having trouble dealing with a friend who I believe shows a lot of symptoms of something serious, and I was hoping maybe someone could identify or help me deal with it.

So we'll call this person 'Steve'. I've known Steve since high school, and he's always been a very socially awkward, quiet person when in public places, but put him in his loner element behind a computer and it's you're literally talking to a different person. About 4-5 years ago Steve started to find an odd sense of enjoyment causing or manipulating a negative feeling or situation (internet trolling-esk) from someone.. and this leaked into his personal relationships with friends about a year after.

From there I won't go into details because there is too much but long story short:

• Extremely defensive and sensitive to any criticism and seemingly vengeful over it, often times immediately searching for something to attack the critic with, most times being personal attacks or slights.
• Superiority complex is very apparent. Very often would rather parrot information he's received from other people or forums and pass it as his own experience then deal with the 'humiliation' of not knowing something he 'should know'. Will often lash out if the phrase 'how do you not know that' is used in any form.
• Misogynistic opinions and feelings are common. Will be overly critical about women, often making very controversial claims about the motives/abilities of women (generally how they're below men in all ways.)
• Never misses an opportunity to boast about accomplishments or skills no matter how small.
• Acts extremely arrogant, believing everything he says and thinks or does is infallible and often voices the opinion that most people are dumb.
• Extremely quick to judge someone.
• Sees most all things in black and white. a conflicting gray opinion or suggestion is often met with a 'how stupid are you? how could you even think that?" type of response.]
• Only cares about himself and his priorities. Will rarely go out of his way to help someone fix a problem or hear someone out, but when he does it is usually to further a personal goal. i.e: I'll help you find a solution to your problem so you can move on and do what I wanna do instead.

A handful to deal with, and most would just say 'Don't be his friend' but unfortunately he's always going to be around me (due to my friends being his friends) so I need to learn to deal with it.

It gets worse on a personal level between him and I, simply because I am a very tolerant person compared to my other friends and can 'take it better' (according to him.) I let him know when he crosses lines and we've had our fair share of big arguments but he still doesn't seem to understand. Some examples of him going over and beyond the call of douchebaggery:

• When recalling a story that is shared between us if I tell it a way he doesn't remember it happening or might put him in a negative light (most stories do..) instead of just saying 'I don't remember it like that' he will tell me that it didn't happen like that, and I am making things up all the time. He's even gone so far as to tell me I have some sort of disorder, saying: "No, I'm not calling you a lying, I just think you make things up and you're not even aware of it. I genuinely believe you believe what you're saying, but its not what actually happen."
• During any kind of cooperative play between friends he will purposefully encourage my alienation and think it's funny. He has even admitted that he often sees me as the "Antagonist" of a group situation, and treats me accordingly.
• I have no problem sharing my life with friends even if it is embarrassing and will often laugh at myself for it. That being said once that story is told he will often times bring it up at a later date but instead of telling it how I told it, he will exaggerate any negatives or awkward moments and basically turn the story into a tool to attempt to make me mad, embarrassed, or generally ridicule me.

How does one handle someone like this? And does it sound like he has a disorder?

[Travelinglady]

Hello, maliceubx, and welcome to Psych Central! Of course, we aren't experts here, so we can't diagnose, but it does sound like this fellow has some sort of personality problem. I can't say it's narcissistic personality disorder, though. Yet, part of his problem might be low self-esteem, and he might be compensating.

You say you have to see this fellow? Of course, you can choose to ignore him or spend as little time with him as possible. Or don't talk about issues that involve him. When he says something inappropriate, like a negative comment about women, then don't say anything about it and just change the subject.

Maybe when he says negative things about you, you could say something like, "I don't appreciate it when you talk about me like that." And, again, change the subject. "How's the weather supposed to be like tomorrow?"

What do your friends say? Do they tolerate him? How do they handle him?

[maliceubx]

Hi TravelingLady! Sorry for the delayed response. Generally speaking 'Steve' is a smart guy, and has a lot of practice noticing signs of when he is getting to someone so with that being said he will exploit that fact if he notices it. I've said things in a multitude of different levels of aggression ranging from "I wish you wouldn't say stuff like that" all the way to "If you say something like that to me again we are going to have a problem" but nothing really affects him in the long term. He may stop for a day or two but he'll be right back at it like nothing was said given the correct fuel.

Attempting to change the subject is very difficult to do as it will only go two ways: It will work and we will move on, except his negative feelings from the previous conversation will move with it and he will try and bait something else out OR he will notice what I'm trying to do, take it as a sign of distress and weakness and push further knowing that he is getting to me.

You say you have to see this fellow? Of course, you can choose to ignore him or spend as little time with him as possible. Or don't talk about issues that involve him.

The problem lies in the fact that he usually doesn't need direct fuel to attack me as we've known each other long enough that if he is dry for material he will bring something up from before.

For example if I try and talk (to the group) about an experience I had with a girl where I thought she was interested in me he will blurt out "Oh look Mr.Casanova over here thinks every girl he sees is interested in him, he's so full of himself!"

Another example: I like to think I have a pretty good memory, and given past opportunities to definitively prove it I'm usually pretty spot on. That being said if I ever misremember or don't remember something he will say things like "Oh look, Mr. elephant memory can't remember. I thought you said you had a perfect memory?" and other things to try and ridicule me.

Honestly as I type this it sounds sort of like jealousy or resentment, as arrogant as that sounds.

What do your friends say? Do they tolerate him? How do they handle him?

As for my friends basically everyone I've spoken to in one way or another agrees that his behavior is unacceptable. Some have grown callous of his behavior and have resorted to avoiding any and all conversations with conflicting opinions and will very often resort to the silent treatment (most effective for him) while others take a more aggressive stance and call him on his behavior which unfortunately has never ended positively in the short or long term.

Generally speaking though, most don't let his behavior go. I've been trying recently to just let what he says slide off but at the same time its difficult to be his punching bag without at least telling him off. I'm not sure if this is the right course of action or if more extreme options need to be taken (if this isn't deal-able) like not being his friend all together and just cutting ties.