[MissTery]

How can I help him? He started texting less and less this week which was a huge red flag for me... I asked if anything was wrong and he said no, that he was just tired. He spends all day in his room, watching TV and sleeping. When I arrive, he acknowledges me, but doesn't converse, doesn't open up... Please tell me what I can do. I text him regardless if he texts me back, how much I love him, how I hope he's resting... Etc. I want him to know I care...

[glok]

Hello, MissTerry. Some thoughts:

How to Help Someone with Depression - Finding Optimism
11 Ways to Help a Loved One in Denial

[A Red Panda]

One thing that you have to make sure of is that you take care of yourself. If you don't take care of yourself, you'll risk wearing yourself out and resenting him - and then you might just throw in the towel.

So make sure that you do things that you enjoy! Go out with other people you know he likes and invite him to come - if he says no, at least you know you tried and he feels included still, but at the same time you can still go out and have a good time.

Depressions really, really stink. When I'm stuck in one, I end up really worried that all the people who haven't known me during a depression yet (and who may have seen me hypomanic and not just baseline) will bail on me because I'm so boring and withdrawn and decline everything. I try to get myself to go out for things (usually, if it's a plan someone asks that's 1:1 then I make myself go to try and help maintain the friendship. If it's more than that I get overwhelmed).

Have you asked him what he needs or wants from you? He might not know an answer or he might not know how to share it. Personally, for me, I really appreciate it each and every time that someone invites me somewhere even if I've been in a depression for ages. I feel like a POS when I say no, but it helps getting that little sign that I've not been forgotten. And having someone just message me anyway fr no reason (like you are doing!) always makes me feel better... along with the guilt. But the guilt's there no matter what with me!

You can also tell him what you are needing and wanting from him. It's just important to do it in a more gentle way. If I was in a depression and my bf went "Look, Panda, I'm trying. But I miss you and I don't feel like you care about me anymore."... well, I'll likely end up crying and apologizing, but it reminds me that I still have someone who cares and who I can't abandon. I'd likely try to explain what I'm capable of or not capable of (as best as I could), and I'd reassure him that I care a lot but just can't seem to get past the "I feel horrible and like giving up on everything" sort of thing. It can be a stressful conversation, but it's important that you don't have to suffer completely (let's suffer together a bit instead!).

I'm not sure if I'm making sense. But I think my main point is that the effort is noticed and appreciated, even if not acknowledged. And that you can't strain yourself too thin so that you don't get overwhelmed yourself. A lot of people can accidentally fall into the trap of thinking that they should "fix" the depression and then get frustrated and/or blame themselves when what they try doesn't work. It's incredibly important to remember that it's neither person's fault.

[worried11]

Don't worry, just let him know that you are always there for him. Try taking him to a specialist. If he starts fighting or shouting please don't fight back. It happens because of the mood swings. After he calms down you can talk to him, make him understand. But yes, take care of yourself too. You cannot become weak now.